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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 77

999 replies

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 03:26

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full. Smile

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 31/07/2014 23:16

Don't that's three pints of wine then Grin

dontcallmehon22 · 31/07/2014 23:17

I think tomorrow evening would be fine to send a quick text. I used to put my phone on airplane mode when I had that urge to text. Then I'd turn it on the next day.

Yes I do love a tall man. Ooh I'm a bit excited about this one.

dontcallmehon22 · 31/07/2014 23:18

I like your thinking, Before!

FolkGirl · 31/07/2014 23:21

This is the first night in a very long time when I'm not refreshing my email or checking my phone for the elusive email/text.

I don't miss that!

What are your alternatives, Tis?

Tisahardlife · 31/07/2014 23:23

Don't great idea about airplane mode :-) Tomorrow evening it is then...I will be back here with a load of anxiety no doubt (My AD's are supposed to also manage my anxiety, but right now it's not working).

So glad I braved joining MN and this thread :-D thank you all :-)

Tisahardlife · 31/07/2014 23:24

Folk Do you mean alternatives for the weekend? Or men/dating in general...erm, pass ;-)

FolkGirl · 31/07/2014 23:26

Alternatives for this weekend Smile

FolkGirl · 31/07/2014 23:32

I'm not going to bother dating, I don't think, for a while. I think I still to working on myself and my friends.

Do you think you'll still let me hang out on here, though?

FolkGirl · 31/07/2014 23:36

I'll stick.

Otherwise, that sentence makes no sense!

Tisahardlife · 31/07/2014 23:37

Well, my sister and family are visiting my dad for the weekend, so I could impose, I could go to my mums, but that would be a whole weekend commitment due to distance, so no whizzing back if Mr Confused gets in touch.

There is a beer festival locally, but I would have to drive (kinda defeats the point)

Or I could go out on my (motor)bike both days, but it tends to be the evenings I struggle when I have no children and no company, so that wouldn't help.

In fact, I was thinking about this the other day. I have school mum friends, we get on, we chat about school trips, school uniform, packed lunches etc. I have neighbours, we talk about the weather, the plants and grass cutting...I have very few people (ok one) who get where I am at as a single mum in my mid to late 30's being new on the dating scene...it's so different to when I was pre 23yrs (when I met exdp) I am so out of touch!

I don't really know HOW to date. I have been absolutely thrown by the fact that apparently no 'bush' is what is expected these days (it's gone) I kinda feel like frumpy settled mum has hit dating life as a bit of a shocker, I'm out of touch! What should I expect as a dating single mother in her mid to late 30s?

Doughnut123 · 31/07/2014 23:40

Hi everyone, I hope you're all having a good summer. I haven't been here for ages-just a bit busy with getting divorced and selling/buying a house-bloody frustrating and tedious!
But, I would value your pearls of wisdom please.
I'm completely disillusioned with the whole internet dating thing. I've had a couple of dates, both men were very nice, but absolutely no spark.
The first one I met, had the audacity to tell me that his,
'Only reservation,' was that it was ' too soon.' He said this whilst squeezing my hand in an ' I'm afraid your hamster is dead,' type way, his head tilted condescendingly to one side and a small furrow creasing his podgy forehead, as though he was bracing himself for the inevitable flood of tears! Prat!
The second one was extremely shy and nervous and I just didn't feel attracted to him at all.
Then, there was my crush-gorgeous vet man, who passes my house on his way to work every day and cares for my various animals. He's bloody gorgeous and was a bit flirty with me a little while ago. If he was a cake, he'd be a Death by Chocolate cake and you wouldn't be able to help yourself......but, he has a stick like girlfriend and he's probably about 15 years younger than me. But worse than all of this, I saw him smoking! Absolute, complete and utter turn off!! Someone so beautiful smoking-yuk!
Then, I had a message from someone on Soulmates. He was very odd.
He was an abstract artist,a proper one, who sold his work. I just chatted to him, but he would just text me back his paintings-and they were complete bollocks!! They were just a mess of paint. I just wanted to take the piss out of them, but, of course, that wouldn't have been fair. Any way. He was very monosyllabic in his texts, but then he rang me and was quite chatty and down to earth. But then he texted me the most ridiculous photos-of him working out in the gym-3 of them!!! That was it! He obviously really loved himself, so I've ignored him since. Honestly, do men really think we want to see them partially clothed and /or exercising?
Then, yesterday I got all excited because someone had responded to a message from me -I mostly get ignored. I quickly opened the message, only to find that it was the automated response message-'sorry, but I don't think we're compatible.'
I give up! I think a lot of the time I get weeded out because I'm 49 . Most of the deluded men on these websites think they can hook a woman from 25 to 40. What are they on? They're mostly fat and balding. And short! SO many short men! I'm 5ft 8 and was married to a man of 5ft 6 for 15 years. He used to strain his neck to make himself look taller than me and hence superior.The only affect this had, was to make his enormous flared nostrils even more visible. It was ridiculous. I've done short. Not doing that again.
So, I am resigned to being single and slightly mad for the rest of my days.
It's just not worth the effort. Sorry to rant. I know there are decent men-neiljames. But, where are they? I'm not unattractive, most people think I'm a lot younger than 49. I'm a natural blond, only the odd grey hair, natural highlights I've never dyed my hair, never had to and I'm slim. I love a good laugh and I don't take myself too seriously. Sod them all! I'm happiest with my animals and my gorgeous children.

BeforeAndAfter · 31/07/2014 23:40

When I left my XP in March I did not miss the anxiety in me caused by so many things he did or did not do. After leaving, the peace of mind washed over me in a very cleansing way. I totally missed (and still miss) all of the many wonderful things about him but truth is, in the end, there were more anxious, fretting times than easy times and I have to convince remind myself of that daily.

knittedknickers · 31/07/2014 23:40

I'm in the same boat, Folk - I'm going to have a break from men (not that I've exactly been inundated....) and concentrate on being happily single with my brilliant children, friends and family. I was DEFINITELY happier without OLD stress!

Tisahardlife · 31/07/2014 23:48

Doughnut you sound lovely, I agree with the short, fat, bald men punching above their station on OLD :-/ I have similar looks as you (though I'm taller) and I couldn't quite believe that men fitting this description 20 years older than me would really think I would be interested...Sometimes we are better off single...

BeforeAndAfter · 31/07/2014 23:51

Folk you have to stick around and keep me company on the non-dating sofa.

My libido is normally dragging me out hunting after a few weeks of no action but it's been 4.5 months and I cannot imagine ever being intimate with a man again. I'm not complaining but this is not at all like me Confused

Minime85 · 01/08/2014 00:00

Knew it was too good to be true Hmm

knittedknickers · 01/08/2014 00:02

What's up Mini?

FolkGirl · 01/08/2014 00:03

Tis I was going to suggest a beer festival! There are a few in driving distance of me this weekend... so I thought it might be an option for you, too. Could you get the train?

knitted Same here!

Before Budge up then and pass me a beer. Wink

Actually, if he does get in touch over the weekend with a lot of "I can't let you go" stuff (which I kinda doubt), I'm going to need you lot to keep me strong. I am happy to let it go now, but if he tries to talk me round, i'm going to find it difficult to stay strong Sad

BeforeAndAfter · 01/08/2014 00:05

Minime ?

Tisahardlife · 01/08/2014 00:07

Folk I'm a bit too rural for a train station, I might go anyway for the company and stay sober.

Staying strong is so hard, especially when you thought you had a good un, and they turned out to not be the right one for you. I guess keeping busy and occupied would help, but if your anything like me you will curl up on your bed and think...not good and not healthy :-(

FolkGirl · 01/08/2014 00:11

Before Sadly, I can't imagine being intimate with a man in a relationship again. I can imagine a no strings FWB type thing working for me. But no more than that.

It's being in a relationship that destroys my confidence. My self esteem is far higher when I'm single and I feel more attractive and desireable too. Even if no one fancies me!

FolkGirl · 01/08/2014 00:16

Tis the old me would have done just that. And listened to some Leonard Cohen or a bit of Lou Reed. Do it. Last year I went to a couple of festivals on my own. Very liberating.

But the new me is going to brush myself down and have a couple of days of R&R and drinking before curling up on my bed to think and cry and listen to Leonard or Lou

mini What's happened?

BeforeAndAfter · 01/08/2014 00:24

Folk my problem is I can't imagine wanting sex again - irrespective of context!

Doughnut123 · 01/08/2014 00:24

Thanks Tis, that's reassuring, you sound lovely too.
I've got so much else going on in my life,I don't have time for a man anyway. I've started a small business and I 'm getting divorced and moving house- that's more than enough.
I hope you get to meet some more local single mums who you get on with.
It must feel very isolating for you. The beer festival sounds good. My ex is taking the kids on holiday on Saturday for a week, so I'm free. I'm looking forward to taking the dogs to the beach. I've got a learn how to crochet course next week-so, granny squares, here I come!

Hissy · 01/08/2014 00:32

I crumbled.

I texted the RockGod.
He texted back, we spoke

Apparently the crap venue/locale of the date made him as uncomfortable as I felt. Manifesting in other ways.

I'm thinking of having another date, on better terms, and see how it goes.

Am unsure, on some level, but don't know if that's my insecurity talking. But we do get on, rabbit for hours, and i've missed talking to him this past week.

Am I doing the wrong thing?