This is my first ever MN post, though I have been lurking on the dating thread. Thank you all, you have made my journey so much easier without even realising it :-) (Sorry, that's probably a bit odd for those of you on here, but this thread has been invaluable to me).
I have been a single mother for 1 year now, I have been played for 6 months of that which really messed with my head. My ex (children's father, together for 13 years) can be difficult at times around contact meaning that it is hard to have guaranteed free time from the children in which to date.
In the last few months I had a go at OLD. Match didn't really do anything for me (I think my profile was a bit crap though) I gained a sext text man who kept agreeing to meet but never did, so stopped texting him (lesson learnt). I then went onto Plenty Of Fish (the paid for one, I am picking up that there are 2 POF?) Had more success ie chatting to a few, now have a lovely email friend who lives too far away for anything to come of, shame. I had a couple of 'dates' with men who claimed to be 10 years younger than they were :-/ (one of whom I had quite liked through text and phone conversations before meeting him and finding out he had lied about his age and was quite rude to the staff at the pub...totally up himself).
So to where I am today...I chatted to and met a lovely man from the site. We first met about 6 weeks ago, got on brilliantly, he was perfect for me. Things soon became sexual and OMG it was the best sex I have ever had! (Sorry TMI). However, a couple of weeks after I met him he became depressed (he says he has a history of depression, I can do depression I have been there and am currently on AD's), I have noticed a definite difference in him since this time, he has really withdrawn with text and phone contact and there is a difference in the way he talks.
He has been single since December after his wife had an affair (the OM now lives in his old home with his family, ouch). Contact is up in the air, his ex is difficult about him seeing their child, he is self employed with work coming out of his ears and just doesn't have much spare time.
The texts have reduced right down as have the phone calls, but when I see him things are great, but because of tiredness brought on by his low mood, his work commitment and grabbing time with his child when he can, competing with my work and childcare commitments it is quite difficult to get together. I last saw him on Sunday afternoon for a catch up in a bar local to him, before that he came to mine for 3 hours the Saturday before. Prior to that it had been almost 3 weeks as he had had a holiday, so no real pattern.
When I am with him it is great, but I am really struggling in between as contact has dropped so low. The thing is the 'Player' I had, used to use contact withdraw as a 'punishment' if I said/texted anything he didn't like. So this new guy going quiet due to depression, being busy etc I am struggling with as it is triggering the way I felt with Player (rejected).
Anyway, I don't really know what I am asking, as there seems to be a couple of things. Firstly, how do I separate Player from the current man in my head and stop projecting feelings onto him around the meaning of him going quiet? Secondly, last night I sent a text saying I was worried about his lack of contact and what that meant. He replied that he was just so busy and tired and had stuff on his mind etc, he said he was worried about himself (depression wise). I then sent a text saying that I need to know where I stand with him as I am confused. He sent a polite text back reiterating that he thinks I am lovely, he doesn't want me to feel bad, he's under pressure and has personal issues to deal with he said that he doesn't have any fixed plans for anything and prefers everything to be a natural process, wherever that leads too.. I am now regretting sending the text as I feel it was me being paranoid, whereas I genuinely don't think he has the time or head space for much right now.
I am not convinced that he is in a place to be looking for a relationship, Basically I need to chill, I'm concerned that I have blown it by putting pressure on him when he has asked me not to due to his depression.
I feel a bit out of my depth, my head says move on, he is not in the right place to be dating, but my heart really, really wants him, we are so good together, and I can really imagine us together. I sent a text late morning apologising for being as heavy as I was last night and hoping he is ok. I have heard nothing. I just can't really see the woods for the trees. I want to give it a go, but not sure that will happen and that makes me feel sad.
Any wise words in that jumble?