Dating thread 77

[neiljames77]

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

Sassy you can tell a copper a mile away. My exh is one. Often a few tattoos, way they hold themselves and very confident often sharp witted too

Jarlin I am sorry to hear that about you and slow. What a shame. I hope you are ok. When will you be able to speak to him about it?

Ooh I like the sound of that minima! Yes he does have a few tattoos... he's ex army too

Def will have the tattoos then sassy! Often short hair as well. Mr pof ex army. Gotta love a tattoo

Jarlin

It does sound quite similar! My BF is so considerate and kind to me. We don't have sit down serious talks about the future (in some ways I wish we did) but he includes me in his future plans and we spend time alone but also with his kids now.

It is weird though as he started off so sure about us and had no doubts about me at all and then a month or so in (after some serious ex wife dramas) he started saying that he thought I would get sick of it and not being able to see him often. But it has been a lot better since I met his ex and she was ok with me being around the kids.

I relate to what you say about feeling secure Jarlin as I haven't felt like that in my life and now that I do (on and off!) I don't trust the feeling or my judgement!

Lynsey, I'm so glad that you kind of knew Tinder guy and that your mum was around. And thanks for taking my 'mumsiness' so well! I just hate thinking of anyone not being safe.

Jarlin, I'm really sorry to hear about Slow. In a way you're in a similar position to me a couple of months ago - there was so much about Mr C I liked, yet it just wasn't working between us (though for completely different reasons) and I started to think I was miserable more than I was happy - and what's the point in that?

I have to agree that I'd be quite upset if someone I'd been seeing for 8 months hadn't even mentioned me to his DDs (depending how old they are, I suppose). I also feel a bit angry with Slow - I remember you being patient with him in so many ways (like after that first night together), and you've talked to him and told him how you feel, and it seems he's still not getting it right. I have a feeling if you split up he'll look back and think how stupid he was to lose someone like you - but that's no good, is it, he needs to start putting you first right now!

Would one last chat really laying it out to him help? Or do you feel you've already done that? I'd hate to think of you splitting up if there's any chance at all that a relationship with such a nice (in many ways) man could be salvaged.

If he is 16 I don't really understand why you need to be a secret especially after 8 months? I know not everyone thinks in the same way and maybe he just literally hasn't thought to tell his 16yr old or is it purposeful? Why can't you go round there too?

I think there is only so long you can give someone as life is too short and you deserve to be happy. But is it worth a final come on slow get your bloody act together conversation?

Awwww Jarlin so sorry to hear about you and Slow. It's not right him
treating you this way and I feel for you. I agree with others at one last attempt to salvage it?

Yes I remember your first night with slow, postie is almost 45 and yes he probably would get better when relaxed but there were other things too that were starting to niggle...

Maybe he will realise just what he has lost when you're gone.....but will it be too late then?

Andcat
I chuckle at your replies, the mumsy ones as I'm thinking the exact same.

I absolutely want to have that open chat with mr runner. It will have to wait I'm away from the weekend.
The more I think about it, he's a bit of a player, but he wants his own space so I don't think it's a bad thing.
Just got to decide if I want to be played!!!!

Sassy. I don't think 2nd choice. I think respectable man was already chatting to someone and was v v honest. There's a
lot to be said for that.

Jarlin

I'm so sorry to read how things have panned out. You have been so patient and I agree that you should be done with patience (I do realise how hard that is in practice).

In all honesty why be considerate to his needs about a face to face conversation at this point? He has not been remotely considerate to your needs and it's ridiculous to think that a 16 year old can't look after himself from time to time, especially when he's left to his own devices for a game of golf! I would find that so insulting. Also 16 year olds have a habit of vanishing round their mates' houses during the holidays so Slow would definitely have time off.

It is hard to break it off but, like you say, if you're anxious and miserable more than you're happy and content it's definitely time to give it up. I just wouldn't be so considerate as you. Send him an e-mail and explain that you'd have preferred to say this face to face but he left you no choice having told you that he can't see you for four weeks. I'd also tell him what a slap in the face his announcement was after he'd agreed he needed to prioritise you more. I really think you're morally justified in doing it by e-mail under the circumstances.

Sassy I second LL - you're not second choice. It's just that timing meant he'd had a chance to build a connection with someone else before you came along. From what I've learned on here a lot of guys would have dated you both to figure out which one was his favourite. He gets a brownie point from me for being straightforward.

Jarlin, so he has his son for 4 weeks and can't see you at all during that time? That seems ridiculous. If he can leave his son to play golf, he can leave his son to see you. Plus, as before says, I'm sure a 16-year-old boy won't want to be with his dad solidly for 4 weeks anyway! Or of course he could introduce you to his son and you could potentially all do a few things together.

Obviously his children should be his priority (when I said he should put you first in my last message, that wasn't quite right) but you also need to be a priority, and not seeing him for 4 weeks is ridiculous. I just don't understand him...

Drafting an e-mail must be very hard, and sending it even worse. But, again as before says, while speaking to him face to face might be best, he can't expect that if he doesn't actually have any time to see you. And having to wait for weeks to talk to him while you're feeling like this just isn't fair on you.

Then I despair of slow and think jarlin you are doing the only thing I would be doing too. I hope you feel you can send it in the morning. It must have been a very hard e mail to write

Aw Jarlin, what an awful situation to be in. Everyone is right though - a 16 year old will not want to stay with his dad 24/7 for 4 weeks!! He'll be lucky if he sees him for half that, unless he has no friends!

A guy I was seeing a couple of weeks ago started saying that he had very strong feelings for me and was worried he was going to throw everything away to be with me... (needs to finish his half built house to pay his ex off) so what did he do? He dumped me, then backtracked the next day... he's still sending me texts saying how much he wants to see me, but I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now! Hmmm actions and words...

Meh... Jarlin. I do still really like him, but haven't heard from him for 2 days now. He has family visiting. Although it was him who texted last... something along the lines of 'i really want to sit down and chat. really want to hear your voice although i'm conscious you want to see me in person. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder don't they.' I just cba now... I have drafted an email/text but haven't sent it yet. Will wait for him to get in touch and then reply with it.

Meanwhile, Mr Copper seems very keen! Been texting a lot tonight... meeting tomorrow at 12.30 just for a coffee before he goes to pick up his son.

Jarlin, I really feel for you!! Hope you manage to sleep ok x

Remind me I'm the prize please?! Having doubts today and don't want to.

Mr pof lovely. Met my dcs all fine. He is attentive etc etc. tell me if I'm right for insisting on a Sti check?!

Mini having the exact same thoughts! And yes you're right!!