Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

But, MrsC, the age of the child can easily be determined. The date of death of the 'father' is a known fact. And The lies he has told to CAFCASS have to be substantiated - he can't just say 'she's awful' and expect everyone to beleive him.

If he has 'withdrawn', does that mean he is not going for access?

Are you still going to court tomorrow?

But again - don't let this distract you. He's still making it all about him. You have to continue doing the right thing morally and legally, for yourself and your DS. Just keep going on your path through the process and let him deal with his own shit.

ptumbi..oh I know how old he is, that's not an issue for me, but clearly it is for my husband! So, no court tomorrow, the case has been withdrawn and the hearing vacated. What a waste of everybody's time, money etc. I was hopeful that this would be the start of some sort of solution for us, but no. He told the Cafcass lady that he wouldn't "win"...he actually sees it like that, not about doing the right things for our son. The best bit was "Mr WT does not believe that DS is on spectrum as he sees none of the things the Respondent (me) describes". Which is odd, because the last conversation we had about it he said "don't think I don't see all this too". So which is it? I really think it is no coincidence that I have pulled him up on the affair from 8 years ago and the possible results of that and him withdrawing from court.

Pointy, I won't. I am now going to submit the C100 application myself. Somebody's got to do something. This has got to end at some point, it's been over a year and it is taking its' toll on me now, it really is. Mind you, I didn't much like being described by Mr WT in the Cafcass report as an "angry woman scorned"...I know that didn't come out of his mouth!!

Oh and for the record, I am an angry woman scorned...why the hell shouldn't I be?! Fucking cheek! Excuse language :-O

I love the phrase 'angry woman scorned' because

a) Angry? You betcha - I'm human and I don't suffer fools gladly.
b) Woman? Yep.
c) Scorned? Well that means being treated with contempt.

So yes, I'm okay with being a fool-intolerant female who is being treated with contempt.

Because, I don't feel the need to tolerate fools who treat me with contempt.

I deal with them.

So do you .

and to MrsC and WWH
2 incredibly strong ladies emm women

Angry and scored inlectorecumbit...don't forget that! !!

Bloody scorned! Scored! LOL!

It's good to see the anger back in you, MrsC - you were sounding a bit despondent there.

You're definitely doing the right thing taking the initiative on contact, and it won't hurt that it will look good for you in general - Mr WT is making a real name for himself as the loser fantasist and you are being the responsible sensible parent. If he wants to hand you the rope to hang him with, take it.

Pointy I think we are heading towards him withdrawing from contact with DS actually. I can see where this is going. He can't cope, that's for sure. The messing about on Saturday etc was a warning sign. What was interesting was that in the Cafcass report it says that OW decided to withdraw from contact "some time ago" to avoid any "allegations" being made against her. If this was the case, why didn't he tell me? None of it adds up. I have to get something down now though. So, finances, contact and maintenance...all done by me just to get shot of that twunt and his sidekick! Shocking :-(

In the long term won't it be better for your DS not to have Mr WT in his life? However sad that thought is? Does your DS really need this emotionally unstable, abusive, uncaring, selfish, unreliable person for a father?

And of course it is awful that it now all falls on you, but if you look deep inside, are you surprised that it has come to this? Bet you're not.

You're the strong one here, you always have been.

Pointy you may be right and you're not the only one to say that by far...it does make me sad though. Today DS saw his Dad, later when I asked him what he'd like to do after school tomorrow (he finishes at 11.45) he said "I want to see my Daddy again". It's just shit. If Mr WT knew what emotional distress he had caused, he might have a clue...but he doesn't. I am not surprised that it has come to this but I have to say, you do wonder about these two...that email I received from OW at the beginning..."I promise I will always do right by you and your children"...words that ring hollow in my ears now. Why couldn't they just "do right", why have they made it like this? I will never ever get my head round it...:-(

I think it would it be better for him to completely disappear from DS's life rather than be the type of father who constantly disappoints, is unreliable as to contact, or constantly undermines/badmouths the mother. And I have a feeling he'd end up being that type. A damn shame.

You'll never get your head round it. Because your head doesn't work 'that way'. A decent parent can never truly understand why a neglectful parent does what they do. We see it, we acknowledge it, we accept it. But understand it? No.

As to OW, I put as much faith in her 'always do right' as I would Fanny Dashwood's 'concern' for the welfare of the newly widowed Mrs Dashwood, Sr and her daughters in Sense and Sensibility!

Across is so right - it is much, much better for a child to have either a father who is there always for him/her, or none at all. This coming and going, being late, changing plans, is no good at all for anyone. And makes the child feel second place.

'angry woman scorned' - he's put that in to show, in the old fashioned sense, that you are being unreasonable. You have been scorned (ie rejected, by dh, for OW) and are now doing anything in your power to discredit him and her. It assumes there is no basis in fact, for your actions, only vengeance and revenge. In the old days, he could say 'she's a woman scorned' and all your pleas, your demands, your entreaties could be brushed aside as just being bile against him. Luckily, we've moved on from that view (I hope)

PP (pointy?) is right too - ignore the side issues; OWs child, her reputation, what he thinks of you or DS statement... all pretty much irrelevant.

Finances, access (in stone) and maintenance.

She types, she scores!

Across and ptumbi...you make very valid points regarding contact with DS...it is something that I am going to address taking a very different legal route.

ptumbi...I really appreciated your very fine analogy of "a woman scorned"...Christ Almighty, it makes me an unreasonable bugger doesn't it?

Anyway, a lot has happened over the past few days, too late to post now, will update tomorrow. To say it'll leave a few open mouths would be an understatement. Somebody needs to tell OW that a court order is an order and not abuse or harassment. Bear with me readers!

Oh MrsC - is OW being 'harassed' by the court?

Oh dear, is Widdle Miss Pwecious being bovvered by nasty Mrs C? Is her-ums upset because her-ums is finding out there are consequence to her actions? Aaawwwww, bweaks my itty bitty heart, it does! NOT!!

It can be amusing when a supremely egotistical person, one who thinks that the only thing that matters is that they get what they want, gets a bit of 'what's coming to them'. And when they find out that what they got may not be all they thought it was!

I have just spent the day reading both your threads from start to finish. Do you have any idea how amazingly strong a person you are? I am in complete awe of the way you have handled this whole situation.

Advice from a "child" who has been in a divorce situation where one person behaves the way your exH is...... Make sure that WRT contact, it is all or nothing on his part.

Not exactly the same situation but when my parents broke up my Mum left me and Dsis with my Dad, moving across the country without so much as a backwards glance. She made zero effort to see us - we always had to travel to her at the expense and huge effort of my father and eventually my step-mum (£££s of train tickets, petrol, an 8hr trip there and then 8hrs back again etc). When I was there she still went to work so I barely saw her anyway, spent most of the time pissed off her face and bitching about my family back home, made up a ton of lies about my Dad not wanting me, only wanting my sister and she never sent birthday or Christmas cards (she still doesn't and it's only since I met DH and had DC that she has made any effort to come to us and visit. It's still a rare treat when I get a cheque for my birthday).

My Dad did what he felt was right at the time and, as much as I understand, I almost would have rather he didn't bother. The heartache it caused me and my sister, and still does, doesn't seem worth it somehow. That's a whole other thread but please keep in mind that, although you may think contact is needed for DS sake, it might not actually turn out to be what's best.

Duchess, thank you so much for your kind post and for being brave enough to elaborate on what has happened to you and I totally take your point. I am so sorry you went through such an awful time and I will do my level best to ensure that my DS is not subjected to same. This is one of those situations I am going to have to "play by ear" as it were. I have a plan up my sleeve with regards to him, from a legal viewpoint I should reiterate and I am going to put this in place once I receive his statement of additional needs. None of it is going to be pleasant but it has to be done. Also, for reading that bloody marathon! It is heartening when anybody says that they can see strength, I certainly am in a much better place than when I first posted, and thank God! x

Ptumbi...read on...!

Across, I did laugh at your post...really, you couldn't make it up...

So, following on from me asking my husband whether he did in fact father OW's DS, there has been silence from him and a message to my brother from her. Referring indeed to my "fan club" and "coven of supporters" (does she not have that?! Perish the thought!). It is apparently a "disgusting allegation" blah blah. Hasn't denied it thought. She is also looking forward to seeing me in court to prove that there was no affair. OK, that's fine. Received a solicitors letter which was so "gobsmacking" I rang her. No, I haven't sent malicious texts or emails to OW, no I haven't contacted her "entire family" and told them that Mr WT is the father, no, I haven't written scathing things about her on social media, no, no, no, no. So, if they want to persue a "defamation" route, I would suggest they do so. Funnily enough, the solicitor had not been furnished with the email Mr WT sent to my brother which made me ask the question in the first place! "Oh" said misinformed solicitor. She will obviously be getting a copy of that.

Then there is the court order. Ignored first one, second, much stronger one requiring a lot more information was sent. OW has written to court, I wish I could publish it here, I really do. The long and short of it is she considers my ancillary relief application an "attempt to destroy Mr WT and indeed her" and that it is harassment and a "ferocious pursuit of destruction" and her finances are "not to be used to exact revenge". Even put how "recently widowed" she was . So, no, she won't be complying as it's "nobody's business but hers". Oh dear oh dear.....

Nice how she thinks she has the luxury to choose to not comply with a court order!

NettleTea..quite! Clearly has no understanding of the case at all. Mind you, husband rocked up 10 minutes late to the first hearing, strolled in like he had all the time in the world. He mentioned the word "meeting", erm no sweetheart...it's a court....of law. You do wonder...! I do think there is a possibility of harsh penalty for breaking two orders. I am hoping she will be called to the court for the next hearing. I said to their solicitor yesterday that it was a pity they sought legal advice to sue me for non-existent slander but haven't bothered when it comes to ancillary relief. Nutters.

It's enough to make a judge resort to gin, isn't it!

KOKO

Hopefully the more they don't play the rules of the law and court the more favourable the court will be towards you and your ds.