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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

999 replies

MrsC1969HJ · 19/07/2014 20:44

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

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14
SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 08/11/2014 22:20

Evening Mrs C.

Just a thought...

His accusation about this "alledged DV", would that count as libel or slander?.

MrsC1969HJ · 09/11/2014 10:15

SteamTrains...I am not sure. I will be speaking to all agencies again in the morning following Friday's correspondence. It is malicious, that is for sure, however, I think the police have something to answer for because it was they who referred it as DV. Even the officer I spoke to was a bit confused about that. I will ensure it is removed from records or at least updated to reflect facts! One thing after another at the moment....:-/

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AcrossthePond55 · 09/11/2014 14:49

It would only count as libel or slander if he made a false allegation with the deliberate intent to discredit you. His allegation was stupid (that you had CC info) & intended to discredit you, but it wasn't technically false, unless he also alleged that you used the info for nefarious purposes when you didn't. It was the police that called it DV, not him. Of course, that's based on US laws, UK may be a bit different. DH was threatened with slander yonks ago and we took legal advice. It amounted to nothing, because what DH had said was true and provable.

I do think you need to get that removed from the records. It's ridiculous. But that's what makes bureaucracy so frightening. Things take on a life of their own. I know, I used to be a bureaucrat!!

pointythings · 09/11/2014 20:08

I've just found this thread again - wow, just wow...

I agree with everyone who has said don't let this go and get the record set straight. I feel for you, you don't need this shit and you probably have a lot more of this to come. All I can do - and will do - is offer Cake and Wine and a shoulder to cry on if you need it.

But don't stop fighting, you've got him on the run big time.

MrsC1969HJ · 10/11/2014 09:16

Thanks so much Pointy...am onto it this morning. Will keep you all posted. Across, I think you're right in that there is no case in terms of defamation. The thing that irritates me is that he has know for months I had this print out as I told him in mediation, that was at the beginning of the year. So, to suddenly bring it up in a desperate attempt to discredit me now is a bit ridiculous. He knows full well there is nothing I can do with the last four digits of one card! I suspect he was more worried that I could see the amount of stuff he was buying to facilitate his steroid taking last year and indeed his large and indulgent purchases after leaving here when he had "no money and was virtually bankrupt"...!

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AcrossthePond55 · 10/11/2014 14:31

Of course he's worried. He's not that stupid Hmm. I think the thing that is untenable in these situations is that you know he's stupid, we know he's stupid, your solicitor knows he's stupid, the judge (probably) knows he's stupid, but do the people at CS know he's stupid? I'm sure in the end it would all work out, but it can cause a lot of hassle and grief in the meantime.

I think the main thing is that you realize (and I'm sure you do) that he will stop at nothing, even things that will make him look bad himself, to discredit you and avoid any financial responsibility. Even things that may be damaging to the children! I think it's time to start trying to guess his (and her) every move and to discount nothing as a possibility.

Thank God for the laws of karma. It's just that it's so hard to wait for it to strike.

MrsC1969HJ · 11/11/2014 09:28

Morning ladies, right an update. Have had a letter of apology from CS saying that their intention wasn't to cause distress (I suspect a generic letter was sent out, however, this is not acceptable under the circumstances). Records have been updated to reflect my comments and the facts. I also had an hour long Cafcass interfiew yesterday. The lady was very good, listened to me and my concerns and indeed asked what I was hoping to achieve from this process. I have basically said that I think it is vital that following the directions hearing we have intervention and investigation from professional services in order that we can find some common ground and find a way to forward in order to co-parent DS effectively. She listened to my concerns about OW and asked questions about her situation and indeed a lot of questions about Mr WT. He will also be interviewed prior to the hearing (next Thursday) and I am hopeful that this will be step in the right direction. Frankly, the fact that they both have to now accept that I am willing to do what is necessary for the sake of DS will send them into a spin I think. They don't WANT to do the right thing, they just want what they want and that's it. It isn't going to go that way. Reality check I think.

Further, had a statementing appointment with DS yesterday. It looks as if we will finally get a full diagnosis next month when he sees a specialist. There is no doubt he is on spectrum, to what extent I don't yet know. Mr WT will have to accept this now and stop bad mouthing me and making me look like some lunatic mother. OW will also have to wake up and smell the coffee. Idiots. All totally avoidable and unnecessary.

Across - thank you for your post my darling, karma is indeed at work!

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ptumbi · 11/11/2014 12:56

Well done MrsC! A step in the right direction indeed. WHat is wrong with these men that they think they can jsut say 'i want' and the world will hand over? It'll be interesting next week at his interview - he doesn't agree that there is any issue with ds, or any need to involve OW (other than how he wants it to go, obv) so the sooner he gets put straight, the better.

Good luck with the statementing.

Come on, Karma!

AcrossthePond55 · 11/11/2014 15:31

So if they're going to interview him, by next Thursday CS will also know that he's stupid Grin.

I'm glad you're drawing near to the end for a diagnosis for DS. It will be good to get that and be able to have a plan for him. But, my love, don't be so sure that Mr WT & OW will accept anything. They haven't so far accepted anything even if it was written in letters 10 foot high & shoved under their noses. But at least you will have the documentation to show the courts and anyone else they spew their venom to!!

pointythings · 11/11/2014 20:03

Oh to be a fly on the wall at that interview...

But Across is right, those two are not going to accept anything, even when they've come to the end of the road legally and with the authorities/experts. They don't want to know and therefore they never will. I'm afraid the fighting is for the long haul...

However, well done on progress in statementing - here's hoping your DS will get the support he should have.

MrsC1969HJ · 17/11/2014 20:10

Thanks ladies for such sensible and comforting responses! There's been a bit of a development. Mr WT sent my brother a rather pissed (as in drunk) email that proved to be rather revealing. It appears that OW's son could possibly have been fathered by him. This not from him making any admissions, just a carelessly published timeline of "dates". I ran it past WWK (with whom I spent a lovely couple of days last week) who frankly should be a psychologist given her amazing capacity for reading between the lines. I wrote to Mr WT demanding, indeed demanding some answers given the frankly HUGE can of worms this possibility could open and have been met with stony silence. He also behaved in the most peculiar manner with Saturday's contact...no car, walked son around all day, blamed me for going out, son came back wet and cold, couldn't take him anywhere, oh it went on. All my fault of course. So, Thursday, Court, can't wait pulls face....:-/

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ptumbi · 17/11/2014 21:24

OWs son may have been fathered by MrWT??? Heck....How old is he? Can you demand a DNA test? Is it possible? Why would he reveal this to your brother?

Wow - imagine that getting out! What implications does it have for you and your ds? He can't shirk his responsibilities to you and ds tho.

I bet you are reeling. Roll on thursday. Can you use any of this in court?

inlectorecumbit · 17/11/2014 21:35

Bloody hell you really couldn't make this up could you MrsC. How old is the DC involved?: Obviously this "affair" has been going on for a great length of time.
You really had a Prince among men there didn't you Sad

Thursday....bring it on

MrsC1969HJ · 17/11/2014 22:17

Right, OW's son is 8.5. Mr WT told my brother (via email) that he had fallen in love with her 8 years ago so she was either pregnant or had just given birth. That strikes me and everybody else as odd. However, he also said it was before she met her husband and I have since discovered that this is not possible. I would want a DNA test, whether I get one is another matter. I think the silence is the calm before the storm and I am going to get a solicitor's letter. I don't know if there will be an opportunity to bring this up on Thurs, it's a first directions hearing. I wonder if OW, on the death of her husband, decided to reclaim my husband...? My brother things Mr WT was pissed and got all his timelines wrong. I just think it was an odd thing to say and actually, when he first left, I had a conversation with one of his former colleagues who said "he has another son doesn't he? One he doesn't see?". I responded NO! But now those words are ringing loud in my ear. Whatever, I imagine there is going to be yet more revelations to come....:-/

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MrsC1969HJ · 17/11/2014 22:30

The thing is aswell, I still can't get over the fact they are publicly maintaining (and indeed Mr WT maintained to my brother) that they didn't get in touch again until early October 13. However, Mr WT was living there by the 19th, we know the rest. He surely must have been a familiar face for OW to allow him to move in that quickly, with a child, who on the face of it, had lost his "father" five months earlier. Otherwise, what sort of mother does that?! Shocking!

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pointythings · 17/11/2014 23:06

OMG... you couldn't write a soap episode about this, it would be considered too implausible.

However - do NOT let this distract you from court. You must only be interested in doing the best by your lovely DS and by yourself. Mr WT's past isn't your problem, you need to focus on making him meet his obligations to you. Stay focused, let the rumours fly by.

Cake
MrsC1969HJ · 17/11/2014 23:17

I know Pointy, I can see what it looks like, you actually couldn't make it up! I am just reeling, I really am. Thursday's hearing is about DS, we are not back in court over finances until end of Jan. This "revelation" however, could have serious implications for both hearings. Painful.

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AcrossthePond55 · 17/11/2014 23:56

Oh brother!! What next!? I'm not surprised he's gone silent. What on earth could he possibly say? Of course he'll deny everything. We already know that. I doubt you could force a DNA test, unless all of a sudden OW decided to sue Mr WT for child support on behalf of her son. And I doubt she'd want that scandal. Plus I'm sure she's getting or has gotten money for her son as a result of her late husband's death. She's certainly not going to want to jeopardize that!!

As pointy says, just focus on your DS. The rest will have to just take care of itself, I'm afraid.

MrsC1969HJ · 18/11/2014 18:06

It's a bloody mess. Still absolute silence from him. So, he has contact tomorrow and then court on Thursday. My week just gets better....! I will just have to play this one by ear. Onwards & upwards!

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MrsC1969HJ · 19/11/2014 16:45

Well ladies. Not sure if anybody will be surprised. Mr WT has withdrawn from the access case and it has been vacated. Found out via CAFCASS report received this morning, within which he told the most outrageous lies about me. Funnily enough OW's son is now a year younger! I wish we could all age in reverse like that! He also said OW's husband died "years ago", not 18 months ago. Oh it goes on......

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CariadsDarling · 19/11/2014 16:48

MrsC what does him doing that mean?

I have no idea of how things work. Is it good or bad for you?

MrsC1969HJ · 19/11/2014 16:50

Well CariadsDarling, it's actually a complete pain in the arse. I welcomed his application as I thought it would concentrate his mind and also with intervention from the appropriate authorities, we would be able to make some progress. I think because he has lied so much and now this thing with OW's son's paternity, he's panicked and withdrawn. I think my next step is to put in my own application, we need to have contact court ordered and settled so we all know where we stand. Bloody pain, it really is :-(

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inlectorecumbit · 19/11/2014 17:05

shit shit and shit again.
He has dug himself so deep into a hole this was his only way out. If OW's son is his son it opens such a massive can of worms-l get why he trying to lie low and hope you forget.
If you open your own application does he have to cooperate or could he just ignore it, l don't think he will go along with anything right now.
Whta was the advantage to him of OW son being a year younger and also her DH dying yeras ago--is it just face saving?

CariadsDarling · 19/11/2014 17:22

I understand now. Thank you.

But Im open mouthed at the possibility the OW's son may be your husbands.

Is that a possibility or has your post of 16.45 been misunderstood?

MrsC1969HJ · 19/11/2014 18:09

Yes, it's a possibility CariadsDarling. My husband emailed my brother and stated that they fell in love "8 years ago" but left it because he was married and it was before she met her late husband. Her son is 8 years old. You can understand why I am asking the question!

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