Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

[AcrossthePond55]

Judges aren't stupid. Nor do they like someone who thinks they are! Methinks MrWT is in for a big wake up call. As is OW. It's hard to believe that, after being ordered to comply with the requests to disclose, that they still think they can make the courts dance to their tune!

And I also think you have plenty of evidence that they are living together. The financials prove it. If he wants to disprove it, then let him show the courts exactly where he IS living! Rent receipts? Note from his 'landlord'? Moss from the rock he's living under? Idiot!

[MrsC1969HJ]

Across, I am really not sure that either of them understand! It's very odd. To be fair to Mr WT he has disclosed everything that has been asked of him, even if I have had to fight for it. I am also still awaiting details of one credit card that are yet to arrive (however, I have a copy of the acknowledgement from the company and that the statements will be forthcoming). Love that comment "moss from the rock he's living under"...yep, that sounds about right! Yesterday he texted me "by mistake" instead of OW. Quite funny to see that they are no longer all hearts, flowers and kisses and flowers but factual and to the point. He looks like shit. I hope all this was worth it :-/

[captainmummy]

He texted you 'accidentally'? Is it perhaps the text of a 'lodger' to his LLady? Could he use it as 'proof' of his status at hers? 'I'm not a live-in lover, m'Lord, just look at the texts I send OW, no xxxs or anything...

[MrsC1969HJ]

Oh he's done that a few times, it used to be "babe" this and "babe" that...this was just a factual one about her parents. I suspect probably by mistake as he didn't respond when I asked him about it as it made no sense in relation to the previous text. Heartening to know he's still confused! Tosser :-)

[captainmummy]

What a twat.

Well rid, MrsC

[AcrossthePond55]

Oh, I'm sure the bloom is coming off the rose. It always does, even in the best relationships. We all eventually see our OHs with our eyes open because 'love's young dream' always wears off eventually. But in most cases we love each other still, warts and all.

But you are right, he's having to judge what he has now against what he so easily threw away. And against what he is having to go through to keep it. He's probably realizing that 'all that glitters' can just be, well, shit rolled in glitter!!

[MrsC1969HJ]

Across, indeed, he has thrown away everything, maybe he thinks he hasn't? I don't know. I think he has now realised that this is not going to go away any time soon unfortunately, certainly the financial hearings could go on late into next year. Why they thought it wouldn't end up like this is beyond me. Disregarding even their total lack of any decency towards me, there are laws in place to safeguard wives and children in these situations so one can never just "walk away" and not look back. I would put money on him moving out actually...!

[inlectorecumbit]

Move out or thrown out!!! The romance hasn't gone to plan and l am sure OW is getting just a bit fed up and concerned about being drawn in financially. They are not going to get their happy ever after-not for a very long time if ever.
I wonder if OW wonders what she has let herself into. her reputation is in tatters. she has shacked up with a greasy overweight excuse of a man who has now so much baggage. Where does her DC fit in all this.
Anyway KOKO let's hear what the courts have to say about theri recent antics

[MrsC1969HJ]

Inlectorecumbit....gosh who knows what's going on there? I have no idea about her son, only that he had a man move in very soon after his father died (although I suspect now that Mr WT was a VERY familiar face for a very long time, all that tosh about "we met in October for the first time in 8 years!).

Anyway, I am getting a bit concerned about his behaviour and for the first time ever am considering contacting Women's Aid. I received a letter from Children's Services yesterday basically asking me to cease and desist from domestic violence in front of my son! WHAT?! I wrote to them and posted it immediately. However, today I noticed that the date of this supposed act of violence was last Thursday. I rang CS and they gave me the "crime number" so called Police, they tell me that Mr WT called them to say that I had his "personal information" in the form of a printout from his Amazon account with the last four digits of a missing credit card. Apparently this worried him as I may be able to "use" that information. Erm, OK. I was in fact asked to disclose this information to him at the financial hearing as he was denying the existence of this card and I was upfront that I had the password to his account and printed out the contents of it as soon as he left. The Police told him that is was a "civil matter" and they could have no involvement, neither have they been out to see me. It seems to me that he is attempting to discredit me in every way possible prior to the Family Court hearing in two weeks. I have yet to hear from Cafcass and I am now getting very concerned at what stunts he's pulling behind the scenes. Any advice out there? Feeling a bit crap about it all tonight :-(

[WellWhoKnew]

Hey love. What a shame he didn't allege it last Wednesday when the only act of domestic violence was your LO's rear end joining in with the conversation .

I try to look at these kinds of stunts that the more extreme they are as more desperate and out of control they are feeling.

Which, in its way, is evidence that he isn't finding this divorce as pleasant as you think he is.

Good.

Remember when you were on your knees with the pain of it all? You probably did/or considered doing some stupid things (I know I drank too much, wanted to write some really shitty emails (didn't send 'em though ), fantasized about pissing in all the bin bags containing his belongings...

Which is all pretty extreme, uncontrolled, undignified behaviour. Not the actions of a reasonable person.

He's now on his knees, scrabbling round for anything to get him back on his feet and in control.

If you can see it like that, does that calm you down a bit?

Practice this face:

It is, however, a worrying development when he's reporting false crimes to government agencies. We [society] all rely on those services to do their jobs properly, and not waste time on trivialities (not dismissing YOUR issue as a triviality at all - just in case you read that differently than how I mean it). It is remarkably common though from what I've been learning. However, remind yourself that government agencies are like gynaecologists. You may only be familiar with your own fanjo, they've seen them all... They know a healthy one from an unhealthy one.

Those that deal in divorce (agencies, judges) etc do not every take one person's word for it that X is a fact. They investigate. They look for proof. They ask questions. If they think their time is being wasted, they write a report. If they find their time was not wasted, they write a report. If they think that the other person is being a timewaster, they minimise their time spent dealing with it.

Those reports are invaluable evidence for one party. And not necessarily the party that instigated the report....

However, yes it is more worry and stress. It is designed to put you under immense pressure, to hit back at you, to discombulate you. Remind yourself of the stunts he pulled before your first FDA. Didn't put you off did it?

But yes, after each hearing there's a period of reflection, where you get to come to terms with the outcome. You are satisfied with your outcomes. But if you weren't, would you not consider off-loading your sense of injustice? I would - even if I didn't act on it .

Desperate acts are designed to floor you. But you're not on your knees anymore.

[MrsC1969HJ]

WellWhoKnew....thank you thank you thank you. I suddenly feel calm. You really have put absolute sense into that post and you are, of course, right. I am so looking forward to discussing this over takeaway and wine. Thanks my darling xx

[magoria]

What a pathetic thing he is trying to use against you now.

He is running out of tricks fast.

I am confused how CS have got domestic violence from this crime number about you having his personal details (erm you were married why wouldn't you have had them). I don't think they have even liased with the police. He has told them you committed domestic violence and handed over a crime number but sounds like they never even checked what was reported with the police.

It also worries me that CS would just write to someone committing domestic violence in front of their child telling them to stop. If someone is happy to commit domestic violence in front of a child then a letter sure aint gonna stop them

[inlectorecumbit]

As the wonderful WWH said the courts are not daft-they have been round the block a few times and know every trick tried in the book and then some. They will not take his word for anything especially at this late date in the proceedings. MrWT and OW are desperate and trying to find any way and means to discredit you. They are grasping at straws now.
Keep calm and chin up, you know they have nothing on you and are trying so hard to unsettle you- and they won't [very firm emotion].
Will be joining you both virtually on Tuesday night from the passenger seat in the car. Can't get done then for driving under the influence of alcohol

[MrsC1969HJ]

Thanks so much Magoria, I know, I have written a very strong letter and followed it up today. It was weird, it was slightly threatening ie : "if we continue to receive such reports we will take matters further" and then quoting the direct affect on children witnessing domestic violence! I didn't get one of these when Mr WT assaulted me in front of DS. I won't be letting it go, I have made very clear that records MUST be updated to reflect facts especially given the current situation.

Inlectorecumbit...I know you're right as is WWK...it just really unsettled me. I know that he is sending all sorts to Cafcass but I have tried to remain dignified and have simply submitted a statement of case. I can't do anything else really. He is a fucking bully, of that there is no doubt and 100% backed up by the vilest specimen he could find. Anyway, looking forward to you virtually joining us on Tues...I wish you actually could :-) x

[inlectorecumbit]

If l had a perhaps l could but one day MrsC l will join you in person complete with wine and bubbly to celebrate the end of this nonsense.

[MrsC1969HJ]

That would indeed be truly fabulous! :-)

[captainmummy]

Well, he can't deny the existence of that credit card any more, if he is going to such lengths to stop you accessing it! What an idiot.
And very weird from CS. Def don't let that go.

[AcrossthePond55]

I have a hard time believing that you would get a 'domestic violence' letter because you have his bank account details. That just doesn't make sense! There must be more to it than that! Doesn't CS have to tell you what the 'incident' was he alleged happened? It may be that this will be one of those times that it's worth paying a solicitor to deal with this situation. False allegations are a criminal matter, I would think.

It's just another proof that MrWT is backed firmly into a corner and he knows it. Just like any animal when cornered, he is using any and all 'weapons' he thinks he has. I know we've joked about what a wanker he is, but don't underestimate him. Just remember that a cornered animal is very dangerous.

On a lighter note, you & WWK have a lovely time. WWK is a very wise woman! If she's not careful she may end up with a cult following!

[captainmummy]

Me too, Across. I can't believe he went to the police complaining that you could be up to no good with the last 4 digits of a credit card (that he denies knowing about!) - after all, the last 4 digits of any card are clearly shown on any receipt on which you pay by card! Pick up anybody's discarded card-payment and it'll be there. Useless without the rest, and/or the security number.

And none of that has any DV about it!

But yes, he is casting about for a stick to hit you with - and the dc are just the thing! If he can hurt you (via ss or CS ) then so much the better.

[MrsC1969HJ]

Right, having done some further investigation, CS have indeed recorded this card number incident as domestic violence. I have written a very strongly worded letter today setting out the facts and I hand delivered it to them this morning marked "urgent". I will be returning to the police and I indeed may need to seek legal advice on this one. It is absolutely clear from the print out that I could not ever have committed any fraud with the details available. I had access because the password was my name and the year we married. Funnily enough, he has now changed it it her name followed by 2013. Security at its' very best!

I won't be letting this one lie, I have made it absolutely clearly to CS that I wish for records to be updated with the facts and that any accusations of domestic violence levelled at me will be dealth with via the appropriate channels. What a twat he is.

[MrsC1969HJ]

I should clarify that any incident reported to the Police between former "partners" is treated as "domestic violence" and because a child is involved, there is an automatic referral to CS. However, the officer I spoke to yesterday was actually a bit baffled as to why this had been referred as there was clearly no "case to answer", no welfare checks were required and indeed, I wasn't even informed of the report....it beggars belief. However, for Mr WT, it'll be a "goal" as it's on my record as a domestic violence incident committed by me. I will do whatever is necessary to sort this out!

[captainmummy]

So..............he says you accessed an account on which his credit card is recorded, and this counts as DV? How utterly ridiculous. How is it even 'in front of the dc'?

Legal advice ! It's on your record as DV committed by you?

[MrsC1969HJ]

Captainmummy...I did it the minute he left. I had access as he used to ask me to place orders. I knew there were a lot of cards listed in there so wanted to keep a record. It was through that and checking previous orders that I discovered the hundreds of needles, sharps boxes and sterile wipes he'd bought (despite denying the obvious steriod use). It really isn't DV...it is unfortunately an "umbrella" term and I have been caught in that net. I couldn't possibly have committed fraud with the information available, this is made even more hilarious by the fact that even HE struggled to identify the card listed! Urgh, just more shit to deal with...:-(

[AcrossthePond55]

That's ridiculous. Lumping everything that happens as DV without investigating it first is the stupidest thing I've heard. My only concern is that the report may have landed with some overzealous SW who is 'on a mission' against anything labeled DV without regards to the merits of the situation. I think you should take legal advice. I worked extensively with SW in my former career and some of them could really get an unreasonable bee in their bonnets about things.

[MrsC1969HJ]

Across, I am on it! Promise! x