Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

"across" just read some of your posts. So sorry to hear about your brother. I had a sister with similar problems. She was very stubborn and wouldn't be helped. All we could go was try to be there for her. We had to let her call the shots and give support when needed/asked for. It was very sad but people pick their own paths. And no, I wouldn't talk to her on the phone when she'd been drinking

Thanks, bobs. It's hard, isn't it? Especially when you've always been the 'doer' in the family. I just want to fix him and for (practically) the first time I'm having to step back and say 'fix yourself'.

DH and I are leaving on a month+ long trip that we've been planning for almost a year. I can't stop my world and wait for my brother to decide to get sober. But in order to go with some bit of peace of mind I've had to make 'final arrangements' for my brother 'just in case'. That's how bad off he is. But I don't want to derail. I thought about starting a thread but realized that I really don't need advice about him. I know what I have to do.

So, Mrs C, hope contact went better this time than last! As far as MiL goes, if you can stay 'friends' I think it's worth it, especially if she's a conduit of information. You'll just have to gently steer her away from topics you don't want to talk about or can't agree on. Of course if she's starting up with 'my son right or wrong' it's time to cut loose.

Across it's the hardest thing in the world to see someone self-destruct and not be able to help. You're doing the right thing though, not just for him but also for yourself. You sound strong and clear in your purpose, you have half the battle won right there.

MrsC I wish all of us on this thread who have been saying the fuckwittery would not end with your day in court had been wrong. Such a shame we aren't. Sorry for the radio silence, I've been away with no Internet for a week - could have paid for WiFi but chose not to, a detox is as good as a rest.

Thanks pointy. It helps to hear others say that! I'm afraid DH gets a tiny bit cross with me as I wobble a bit in my resolve, not near as strong in RL as I sound.

Hi everybody, hope you're all well? Time for an update...my God, I do wish this would end...!

Firstly Across...how are things? I hope you're OK, you can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. You're doing all the right things and I hope that it will work out. Keep us posted xx

So, onto fuckwittery. Well, not so much really. Mr WT has returned to Solicitor No 2. Which is a bit odd. I have received a letter saying that she has been "reinstructed", regardless of fee income, I am confused as to why she would. When she handed over the files last time, she declared that she "couldn't wait to see the back of him, nightmare client, always moving the goalposts". He has recently dispensed of Solicitor No 8. So, with No 2 back on board, I am quite relieved, she is a lovely lady, was very kind to me all the way back then. She is drawing up the consent order and has said that she will "write to me in due course"...I am not sure why, it just needs drawing up and we can get back to court to get it done and dusted. Her letter further stated that this was not an opportunity for me to "correspond", any side issues were to be directed to ex-twat and everything had to be related to DS and consent order only. Then she asked me to go to mediation. She CLEARLY has no idea of what has happened this past year since she was dispensed with. I have written a very long and wordy letter in response. However, I haven't sent it. I am not entirely sure what to do. I don't, in theory, have an issue with mediation but we all know ex is a twat, mediation failed after two sessions last time and I think he is just desperately trying to keep this out of court because he knows that this time his conduct WILL be taken into account unlike with the financials.

Other than that, we are muddling along, I am kind of making some plans. DS didn't get the school we hoped for as SEN no longer counts. So, appeal to start...I must just love the drama and the paperwork

I hope you're all well and thank you for being here when I need a whinge xx

Not an opportunity to correspond, so maybe you shouldnt send it.

You probably have to go through the motions of attempting mediation, up until he lands himself in it.

It does sound as if her letter was 'informational only' not requiring a response. I guess you could send a generic 'I have received your letter regarding mediation. I do not know if you are aware that there has been a previous attempt at mediation which was not successful as well as other issues surrounding my attempts to come to an agreement with Mr WT regarding (child's name)'. I wouldn't put in the specifics. If she wants more information, she can get in touch with you. Or possibly better, you can hold those cards close to your vest to be played at the more advantageous time.

Brother not doing so well. Have PM'd you so as not to derail.

UPDATE..not an insignificant one.....

I have received the consent order. Mr WT's solicitor has "declined" to include Section D of the order as Mr WT doesn't believe the Judge ordered it and he didn't agree to it. Section D was the joint lives nominal order. So NOW he knows what that means. Their smug little faces in Court told both I and WWK that they didn't understand AT ALL.

On Wednesday morning, I receive a letter from the Court, copied to me, but addressed to Mr WT. The Judge confirms that everything he put in the order was correct and as Mr WT has an issue with this, we will be returning to Court on 29 May where Mr WT can take this up with the Judge. It appears Mr WT has been sending angry and indignant emails to the Court complaining about the contents of the order. He has, however, failed to inform me of this, or copy me into the correspondence. I have had to ask his solicitor to ensure he does in order that I can prepare for this new and utterly pointless hearing.

So, we are no further forward. The consent order is littered with errors, they couldn't even get my name right. So back to court we go. I suspect Mr WT has shot himself in the foot here, I don't think that this is going to go down well at all.

I am livid. 10 steps forward, 10 steps back. The "man" is an utter arsehole. He is also working literally round the corner from our house at the moment, on what appears to be a pretty large project (yet in court said he was too stressed to work). This means I have to see him every bloody day. Suddenly he can work because he now thinks he can go back to earning and spending. The nominal order kind of puts a spanner in that assumption.

Anyway, I hope you're all well...and hope you will all be here for the next round of utter fuckwittery that is bound to follow. We will KOKO x

Across I have PM'd you...x

Get someone to take some pics of him working?

What a silly twat.

Across, hope you are well .

MrsC, how utterly frustrating! I can imagine you are livid and it is a drag to have to go back to court. However, this can't possibly have a good outcome for MrWT. We all know by now that he is nothing other than a lying & deceiving poor excuse for a man, but it is astounding how his wankering twattishness just seems to grow and take over your life like a Japanese fucking knotweed. Getting rid of it properly ain't easy, but it CAN be done. Thing is, he won't like that. Diddums

Sending you gin in spirit (see what I did there?). I had gin tonight and can highly recommend adding some cordial to a standard G&T. Honestly, the G&T with elderflower cordial was lush, as was the morello cherry one.

KOKO.

Get someone to take some pics of him working?

Just what I was going to say!

I have to say that I am not surprised, I suspected that as soon as they were told exactly what had been ordered, the fuckwittery would start again.

On the upside, a Judge will not like being dictated to like this, and will set the order in stone!

Well the solicitor will make money from his confusion anyway!

Yes, I thought it was too good to be true that he'd go along with anything. But if the Judge wrote the order then how can your ex say he didn't say that? Is it him changing his mind or genuinely not understanding what was going on in the hearing? He's just too much like my ex. I've had a two week barrage of letters from my ex, which ended with the police going to the court!

xx

I know this is enormously frustrating for you, but this is sooooo going to come back and bite him.

And I would definitely get someone (not you) to take photos of him working. He's laid out the rope, make sure he hangs himself with it.

Thanks MrsC and acat. Things are what they are. My brother has to do this himself. All I can do is pray.

MrsC, I find it absolutely preposterous that a legal document prepared by a solicitor's office should be riddled with errors! I'm sure Mr Justice will be equally unimpressed! "Well, M'Lud, you see, we figured if we f'ed up the typing we could get you to reconsider the whole thing!! What's that M'Lud? Yes, I did graduate law school. Yes. I also passed English in grammar school. No, M'Lud, I don't think you're stupid."

Oh goodness me! I typed a really long post, pressed the wrong button and it disappeared. So, here we go again...!

I hope you're all well and still here! I wanted to post an update, have been otherwise occupied with a few (major/minor) disasters. I hope everybody is well, particularly you Across...

So, you all know that Mr WT has disagreed with the outcome of the case in March. We now have a new hearing on 29 May. The Judge has written to us to state that his order was correct (this doesn't bode well for Mr WT). Mr WT tells me today that he is "withdrawing" his offer and is telling the Judge that if he doesn't remove the joint lives nominal order then he will be going for 30% of the house, 50% of my pension and indeed my shares. What he fails to realise is that is wasn't an "offer", it was an order. It was negotiated over several hours over one day. He can't now say he doesn't like it. What he doesn't like is the nominal order, the implications of which have now been explained to him by his solicitor. He has sacked her today just as an aside...this is solicitor 2 out of 8, who was re-instructed, and now must be wishing she'd never set eyes on him. I don't think this is going to end well and WWK and I are of the opinion that we are now going to be sent to trial. It never rains...

Every time I think I am going to be rid of this man and get a divorce he scuppers it. He may well now realise that his penis has cost him his life's work. Oh dear.

So, disasters, car broke down, microwave blew up (melting chocolate, you don't get that when radiating vegetables do you?). My laptop blew up. I am now about a grand down with money I didn't have just replacing and repairing everything. My car is fairly new so that was a costly exercise, the laptop was a dog who'd had its' day. However, this new one is a bastard and all modern...driving me mad. I've had a flood. Oh it goes on...

DD has started her GCSE's today and I am a very proud mummy, she has worked hard and will be fine I think!

So, I hope you're all well! I hope you're all still here, I am sorry for not posting sooner. xxx

I'm here, and really sorry to hear of all your tribulations. It will work out in the end, of course, but still a mountain of shit to wade through first. Not as much as Mr WT will be up to his neck in if he keeps this up - who does he think he's speaking to? Contempt of court and then some.

Best of luck to your DD. Bless her, carrying on doing what a girl's gotta do while all hell plays out in the background. She'll go far.

Oh bloody hell, MrsC! All that domestic crap when you are already under so much strain, really? Sometimes you just want to tell Fate to go and dump the shit on someone else, don't you?

But for now just focus on supporting your DD through her GCSEs. The legal system will take care of Mr WT - let him find out the hard way that what the judge ordered for him was not fucking optional! You will win, he will lose, simple as that so you can use your emotional reserves on yourself and your little family.

If your laptop is a Windows 8 one (and I suspect it is) then you will not have to put up with its shit for long. Microsoft will be putting out Windows 10 in June-ish, and everyone who has Windows 7 or 8 will be able to get a free upgrade. Windows 10 will be much more like what you are used to so hang in there and you will have a laptop worth having. I am a geek and I can link you to 'how to' sites when the time comes for you to make the upgrade.

I did get an email notification to say someone had posted, but opened the thread to find nothing.

MrWT. The gift that keeps on giving.

Got to admire him enjoy the run up to the inevitable crash-bang-whallop for being so sure that he knows better than any lawyer and sacks them whenever they tell him something he doesn't want to hear.

Sorry to read you've been having disasters coming at you from all angles. Thing is: You have survived the greatest disaster of them all, in the form of MrWT. The rest is minor in comparison. And from the way you report these disasters it's clear that you have become so strong that you can say 'oh fuck' followed by an 'oh well'. Imagine if this had happened in December. In fact, ignore me and don't imagine that. Just have a glass of and say 'oh well'.

Good luck to TheFormidableMissC in her GCSEs!

The gift that keeps on giving indeed...

MrcC, the judge will not be happy with these shenanigans and your (stubbornly refusing to be) xh will find that out in due course! You on the other hand deserve several large and some

Ahhh, you're all lovely! Thank you so much for posting! Indeed, December might have been a very different ball game. I knocked a whole bag of sugar out the cupboard earlier and just thought "hoover"....a few months ago it would have been "psychiatrist"... ha ha!! You really couldn't make this up, I don't know what he is thinking or how he thought this was going to end...they really are a pair...OW is currently rocking her best Jimmy Savill/Bet Lynch look, I cannot even begin to describe. Mr WT has to be 19 stone and counting...bloated and yellow and the weirdest flicky haircut you've ever seen, you'd think a children's hairdresser had done it . I just don't get it, I can't get my head round this at all. They clearly think this is just an insignificant process where they can demand what they want. I will just sit back and let him dig his own grave, I cant do anything else at the moment really.

Pointy thank you, I know where to find you!

Have had several glasses of wine this evening, if only to soothe the shock of Mr W-T actually ringing me. Paranoia at its' very best!!

acatcalledjohn...DD will love that title....she is formidable indeed...her mother's daughter!!

Is she selling the aeroplanes yet?! :o

Bogey......she ought to...all that made up debt!!

OW is currently rocking her best Jimmy Savill/Bet Lynch look