Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

I think it's more that they really are that stupid.

It does go to show the dangers of self-representing in court unless you really know what you're doing. MrsC did OK, obviously, being a sensible person supported by another sensible person with knowledge and experience, but if Mr WT had had, or been prepared to listen to, sound legal advice he'd never have fallen into the elephant trap he dug for himself.

Morning ladies, a slightly hungover MrsC here!! Mr WT has this morning paid the costs of my divorce petition directly into my bank account having been told in no uncertain terms to do so by the Judge. I have been asking for this money for a year. He didn't see "why" he had to pay it (doh, court order?!). Anyway, that's one thing done with.

I think it would be fair to say that they don't realise the implications of the order. It will be interesting to see what happens when Mr WT takes it to a solicitor (as he is obliged to do) and they will probably say "gosh Mr WT, you were stitched up like a kipper here". It's his own fault to mentioning the "bankruptcy" word. That was the clincher. I think OW looked smug because she got her disclosure back, although she must have been smarting that I now know how crap her financial outlook is. It is possible there is money hidden, of course, Judge acknowledged that hence the nominal order. However, it appears to me that they've spent the last 18 months having a great time, a lot of money has been spent on OW's house etc etc hence, chickens now coming home to roost. It could all be a smokescreen but again, that's where the nominal order comes into its' own. Let's just say, her history of business acumen is questionable. It really really is.

Anyway, I am off for a soak and then WWK and I are going out for breakfast. Continued thanks to everybody for posts, endless messages of support and for you all just being here for me! This story isn't over yet...so we'll KOKO xx

De lurking to register my awe and admiration.

This thread and your little support group really is MumsNet at its very best.

I'm so glad you got a great result, and in the meantime you provided a beacon of hope for the numerous other women going through this shit (and not from your flushed faces from all the scrummy wine consumed )

Well done

Good morning MrsC hope the headaches aren't too bad - a good breakfast will sort that!

Noting what you said about paying for the costs. I have been asking for the half agreed back for a year (no point asking too much re the costs involved from asking via the sol) stbx recently told me he paid last year but the money was used for his other sol's costs!

why should MR WT take the order to a solicitor? isn't that part done and dusted now? Or is it so a sol can explain the implications?

Re the hidden money, would have thought not to much of a big deal if you have what you wanted, and brilliant that the DJ gave a nominal order...just in case! From what you said they did go on a bit of a spending spree!

Good news in - MrWT has paid the outstanding costs this morning and set up a child maintenance direct debit. I think he's realised that courts are serious things...

Bobs my novice understanding is because it was an FDR, the outcome is a 'consent order', e.g. both parties agree, rather than a judge's ruling on an outcome (court order). The legally binding contract of a consent order has very specific legal language used (it's actually a very long form in which things are ticked, crossed out, etc, etc) so a solicitor will check it is all above board and agreed: it's a solicitor's job is to do all the bureaucracy of divorce, in legaltastic speak. Judges rule on contracts, but they don't write them sort of thing.

We are expected to get some 'fun and games' when MrWT takes it to a solicitor and they go "How the fuck did you agree to giving up 100% of the marital assets???"

I think then it will sink in...

Oh shit WWK, we forgot to mention Mr Hot & Gorgeous in Court...we were smitten........ phwoar ....:-D

Ahem, sorry to be so bold, but any chance of a little more detail on Mr Hot & Gorgeous??

New to MN. Opened this thread yesterday, immediately clicked on the link to the previous thread, have just read the whole thing from start to finish… wow, just wow!

WWK is there anything MrWT + solicitor can do to overturn the ruling?

Is MrsC going to have enough to live off/pay mortgage? (hope that's ok to ask, apologies if not) x

Two words: Erin Brokovich. As a retired lawyer (not a matrimonial specialist, unfortunately) I am astounded by what you have achieved through common sense and sheer dogged determination. I too have read this thread from the very beginning and could not believe some of the things you reported. To think that I would do such things to my wife and children!

I presume that this is now the beginning of the end for you, Mrs C and I hope you can begin to build the life you and your children deserve without this so-called man throwing spanners in the works at every turn. I truly want to apologise to you on behalf of my gender for some of the things he has put you through.

Just want to add to everyone else's congratulations on both your achievements. In my mind you are Thelma and Louise with a much happier ending. Wishing you and your families all the very best for a bright and happy future.

Congratulations and many good wishes for the future.
I wonder just how many people there are out there who are feeling that little bit better about the world after following you on this journey.
You are both brilliant, totally inspirational!

Another one slinking out of lurkdom to give you a massive WHOOP WHOOP!

I am sure there are some fun and games yet to come, but perhaps MrWT is begining to realise that you are certainly no door mat.

Good luck for the future, I will continue to read with intrest and admiration while I await the book ...

Oh very well done! So delighted

Hurrah for Judge Slow-speaker!!

They may be smug because they are two stupid to realise they live in a house of cards. She may be smug because she has gotten whatever she wanted from him, not given what she feared she might have to to MrsC, and is dumpring him next week anyway.

Re: a fund to help women self-rep

The obvious charity to direct this through would be WA? (Wa is a charity, right?)

What about the idea of teaching women how the laws really work. An awful lot of that goes on in these threads, seems like a course WA could offer.

I still can't believe he is so dense he actually doesn't get it. I think he knows he got it in the shorts and the smile was to make the two of you think he really 'won'. You know, like a child who has a toy taken away saying 'I didn't want the dumb toy anyway so neener neener ha ha ha!'. I would have given anything to have been a fly on the wall at OW's house last night.

Although it's not completely over yet (I think) I'll bet it was wonderful to wake up this morning and say 'These 4 walls are safe. We are in OUR home'.

This is signed and sealed, right? He can't appeal it? Obvs I don't know a lot about divorce in the UK.

I have spent all day reading your 2 threads and many many congratulations on a wonderful and deserved outcome. I hope you are allowed to enjoy it in peace with your delightful sounding DC.

Good morning all! I just wanted to post and say thank you so much for the continued messages of support from everybody, I am so so touched and grateful! It's lovely to know you've all been here in the background and I underestimated the silent support I have had! This is where MN is so fabulous! WWK has this morning vacated the building for her long drive home, we have eaten, drank and had a lovely time. I am now detoxing for at least a year! DS has this morning gone off to contact with Mr WT who looks like death warmed up lined, tired, overweight and yellow. I am off to buy a great big plastic crate in which to dump all the bloody paperwork that has been spread all over my kitchen for months on end. I have no doubt that there will be continued fuckwittery. I have received word of an intended contact application to court re : DS. This will be no bad thing I guess. However, I know now that I can start to plan my future which is wonderful. The thought that I won't have to spend the little time I have to myself drowning in paperwork is bloody fabulous . Somebody asked above if we were actually divorced, no, not yet. I am inclined to let Mr WT apply for the absolute because it will hit his pocket and not mine. However, I will think about this for a few days. This is the divorce I never wanted and didn't imagine would ever happen to us. Frankly, Pauline is welcome to him. What an ugly pair they are, inside and out. So, I will of course keep you all posted with any further developments. Once again, thank you all so so much! You are all amazing .

Across in answer to your question about it being signed and sealed...the order, when it arrives, will have to be turned into a consent order by a solicitor (at Mr WT's cost) and then we must return to court in around 6 weeks for it to be turned into a court order. The Judge said that he wanted to do this and we must find out when he is sitting after the court timetables are released in April, I suspect he is anticipating fuckwittery when Mr WT realises the full implications of the settlement. He said he would "deal with it".

MrsC

btw I believe the costs for the absolute have already been included in the general divorce costs

The costs of my petition were bobs, but he didn't realise that and paid it in to my account anyway :-) what a dick

I should hold onto that against the next time he decides to do something pointless with cheques instead of paying your usual child maintenance.

Annie, it was to be repaid to my cousin as she lent me the money for the petition when he tried to get his in first on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour and made up the whole lot he later admitted. It meant I got a divorce on my terms and on the grounds of his adultery. However, my lovely cousin doesn't want it back she tells me, so it's going into an emergency fund for just such emergencies! Hopefully the CMS will stop all the maintenance fuckwittery now...he had to agree to pay on a certain date and set up a direct debit, that is in the order, and he has done it. However, you never know!!!

So sounds as if he can't renege on it or appeal it. Good!

As far as the paper, here's a thought. Once it's all over and you've sorted out the paperwork into 'keepers' vs 'toss-a-ways', have a huge bonfire.

Now sit quietly while Auntie Across tells you a story; Once upon a time I had reams and reams of personnel paperwork as a result of a malicious attempt by a supervisor to get me fired. Obvs didn't work, as a matter of fact her attempts ended up getting me promoted and her transferred. But I kept the files and piles 'just in case'. When I retired I brought it all home and we had a lovely bonfire out in the pasture and my darling DS2 blared 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' out of his bedroom window at full volume as all that paper burnt to a crisp. I had mucho liquor and actually did a little war dance (I'm allowed, I'm half Native American LOL) around the fire. It must have been really very cathartic and did exorcise the demons a bit, because I lived 'happily ever after'. You will, too. The End

Congratulations!

But is it wrong to say I can't wait to hear how the judge deals with Mr WT in six weeks time. I can anticipate the whining already.
I trust he saves most of the moaning for Pauline... lucky lady and leaves you in well deserved peace.

Mrs C and WWK (who in my mind is always WKD as in absolutely bloomin' Wicked!)

I posted many moons ago but have followed your journey on and off since.
Here's more power to you and to bright new futures.

So here comes the crash WWK has gone home (I miss her sitting opposite me at my kitchen table, both of us tapping away on keyboards), MY house is very quiet. Funny thing though, I haven't watched any TV in the 18 months since H left (apart from The Walking Dead, I love that). I couldn't bear to sit on the sofa on my own. I even gave up Emmerdale, I have watched that since I was little, no idea what's going on now. Instead, I have sat here in the kitchen, on my laptop, trying to find out "why". Have now realised that the "why" will probably never materialise. So tonight, I have watched Ant & Dec, followed by Casualty and then Jonathan Ross. Weird really, normally I am trying to find out points of law, about narcissistic personality disorders, do affairs last, will autistic children ever lead a normal life and revision subjects for GCSE students, spreadsheets, endless spreadsheets, Companies House research, it's been all consuming. I am desperately trying to stop myself looking at my wedding album because it was all normal then and now the tears are flowing. I knew there would be a crash, there always is. It will pass...

So Across, I knew you were American but I had no idea you were half native American and am now picturing this beautiful creature burning her demons away..maybe I will do the same. I have bought the crate for storage, I have even bought a new kitchen table (which is in bits on the floor as I can't fathom the instructions..educated and intelligent woman that I am mostly...but everything feels a bit flat new kitchen table is certainly flat. I am waiting for the inevitable fuckwittery to follow...but DS has been out with H today who arranged to meet MIL and FIL halfway between our house and theirs (about an hour either way) and hoping upon hope that they have been able to concentrate his mind and he will remain calm-ish, given he's lost everything we built, everything he ever invested in. Goodness, the end of a marriage is so shit and so hard.

Thank you for continuing messages of support and Enrique..that did make me laugh about WKD....I know exactly what you mean...x