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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

999 replies

MrsC1969HJ · 19/07/2014 20:44

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

OP posts:
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14
AcrossthePond55 · 18/03/2015 22:28

Just remember, that as long as it's been, as long as it may be in the future, it's still a drop to the years you have left. Years of peace, years of happiness and fun. Yes, fun. And remember, too, that your future looks bright, though you may not see that now. But we can. Mr WT and OW can look forward to years of misery and unhappiness, because you reap what you sow. Every day that you are happy, it will make them miserable. Every day that you wake with a smile, they will go to bed with anger and frustration in their hearts. Because you, in the end, will be happy after their futile attempts to make you just as miserable as they are. That, love, will be the ultimate justice.

Of course, a nice fat settlement is always good, too. Grin

pointythings · 18/03/2015 22:29

I'm seconding everyone who says anger is good - let it run through you, let it wash away your doubts.

And I agree with springy - stop questioning yourself, that way lies madness. And he's the mad one here, not you.

bobs123 · 18/03/2015 22:32

Drinking wine on a school night - go for it! Aldi sherry's my bag - much quicker results and good anaesthetic Wine Grin

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:34

Springy is right. All of it. But I refer to her comments about not trying to understand. It really is the route to madness. Without boring you with my story and boring myself I had years of trying to fathom, second guess etc. Never got me anywhere. And it meant I totally neglected what I should have been doing, which was sorting out my own head. Fast forward now that he has gone. 4.5 months. I spent some time trying to work it out. Occasionally of course it pops I to my head. But overall I've decided to accept that there is no rhyme or reason to a fucked up individual, so my focus has been on me and the kids. I've been a lot happier since I've taken that approach. Every now and again I think about him. But the usual reaction now is an Elvis Presley type sneer and the words"fucking idiot". Now, you're a lady, so I don't expect you to swear. But, yes, there is no point on wasting your head space on damaged goods.

As for the OW sneering at you.....are you sure it's not just her default expression?? I know what you mean about them, though. Well these freaks of nature will never have what we had with our husbands. We had the good bits. They reap what they sowed. They have the booby prize. Or the "sugar coated turd" as the Chump Lady puts it.

The maintenance. Fucking bastard!

Karma can't come soon enough

You're doing brilliantly though. Yes I've read your thread from the start. Like WWK you are a different! stronger force now. Just one having an off day, very understandably xx

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:40

And I'm with bobs about fantasising. Very therapeutic. And it's not an arrestable offence. Just as well, with the thoughts I've had!

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:42

I've a day off tomorrow. I will go pour one myself. Wine

Bogeyface · 18/03/2015 22:43

Telling you this to cheer you up and not, I repeat NOT, as a recommendation because that really will land you in shit with PC Plod (as it did with me Blush ).

The OW I had to encounter (no divorce needed thankfully) was like this, sneery, superior and very very pleased with herself. I dont know why, she looked like something hanging out of a dogs arse.

Very long story short, it was made clear to me that Ex and OW were only after a bit of fun and it was nothing serious. Which was worse for me, they destroyed my life for something that wasnt even important!

So I decided to be the bigger person. I was going to help her.

To that end I posted the topless picture that she had sent to Ex on a no strings website along with her mobile phone number. Upshot was I had a "quiet word" from a (admittedly quite sympathetic) PC who said that if I did it again then I would be in trouble. Her OH found out, she had to change her number (which was for her business as it turned out....oops! I genuinely hadnt known that) and all manner of shite rained down.

Was TOTALLY worth it :o:o:o

springydaffs · 18/03/2015 22:45

Fuck decorum, you have to survive this. You're really up against it here, you HAVE to get through this, whatever it takes.

I am serious about those fantasies. They were important for me, they got me off to sleep at night (and believe me I needed everything I could get to help me sleep). It was like labour, I had to do whatever it took. It was an extreme situation and extreme solutions worked.

So stop being such a laydee! Get down and dirty, girl.

As for screaming at him er NO. That is serious engagement with him. By all means get a baseball bat, whack the shit out of the bed with it and scream and cry, all snot, to get it out. You have to get this out, it's too serious to hold in xxxx

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:46

ITV Pop Gold on now. May distract for a bit

bobs123 · 18/03/2015 22:47

Brilliant Bogey - made my night Grin

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:51

Bogeyface love it, hahaha

bobs123 · 18/03/2015 22:53

Ha Izzie - that's springy fantasising, not me - wish i could - happy thoughts would be nice - nice house, nice garden, happy carefree DDs, no Twunt......one day Smile

i'm off to watch some crap on telly Towie now and find something nice to eat!!!

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 22:57

Ok so I once decked my ex. Ironically a few hours after he had ended it with her. He was sitting down at the time.sitting target. He said something which sent me mad, and I went for him. DS2 came in and held me back. Me and him laugh about it, I said he shouldn't have stopped me. Anyway, the ex looked like he had been attacked by a cat. A right mess. If he was a woman he would have plastered himself with make up to hide it all. To this day, I don't regret it, I still laugh about it, and so do my friends.

Bogeyface · 18/03/2015 23:07

Hah! I bet he told everyone that it was some big hard drunk bloke at the pub and not his lioness wife! :o

iwashappy · 18/03/2015 23:13

Sorry you're feeling so bad tonight, it must have been very hard seeing them together in court.

You are a decent person and they are not so you won't ever be able to understand what goes on in their heads because you don't have the capacity to be that nasty.

Flowers Wine

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 23:15

Even funnier was that immediately after I was dragged off him, much to my indignation I may add, he got on the phone and started shouting, "do you know what she's just done, do you......"" Well I found out much later he was on the phone to DS1. Whose response was "oh ok". Which, considering how bloody unresponsive the ex was himself so many times, is rough justice indeed!

Bogeyface · 18/03/2015 23:17

Kids are bloody brilliant arent they?

Izzie595 · 18/03/2015 23:20

They certainly are! And I always say to DS2, you let me know if anyone messes with you......and we have a good laugh.

FoolishFay · 19/03/2015 00:30

fucking idiot

That mantra kept me going for months!!

Mrs C, just delurking to say what an amazing woman you are to have kept your head up through all this rubbish. Your life, and those of your children will be infinitely richer in the future; nothing will ever faze you again! All the best

shadowfax07 · 19/03/2015 01:05

Imagine putting Mr WT into a packing crate, and slapping on the labels to shipnhim to Australia. It helped me when I had the proverbial neighbours from hell xx

Izzie595 · 19/03/2015 07:41

Imagine putting Mr WT into a packing crate, and slapping on the labels to shipnhim to Australia

Australia is underneath us, isn't it? So save on the shipping and just dig a big hole for the crate. We will all help. In fact, I may make use of that hole.....Grin

GenevievePettigrew · 19/03/2015 09:51

Gawd, don't send him here Grin

dratsea · 19/03/2015 23:09

Shadow Shipping Instructions

Bogeyface · 19/03/2015 23:16

Can we not just skip to the death sentence bit, without the heroics in between?!

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/03/2015 09:26

Morning ladies, gosh I've had a really difficult few days and still feel consumed with anger...but so cheered up by your posts, all of you, thank you so much! Bogey, that made me LOL, I think I need you, you're an OW slayer!!

So, an update, we have managed to arrange contact via a third party so that went ahead on Wednesday and yesterday. On Wednesday he had to collect DS from nursery. I have a lot of friends there, some since DD was there, the shock of them at the sight of Mr WT, all absolutely gobsmacked. One friend said she could hear his voice but was looking round and couldn't spot him and then twigged when DS came out and ran to him. She said she would never have recognised him, the state he is in. He apparently made a holy show of himself, shouting "I've missed you so much" in front of everybody. Amazing isn't it? Walks out on him, doesn't give a shit about whether we end up homeless or not, doesn't pay maintenance and then does that. What an utter arsehole.

So, yesterday he took DS to London on the train. On Friday I had to post four court related letters to him, which I did, via recorded delivery. On checking last night, OW had rejected the mail as "no longer here, gone away". Really?! So, he pulls up in her noddy car in the morning and then drops DS off in her 4x4, so he has her cars but not living there? I am beginning to think this woman will do anything to keep me away. This, I believe, explains why he didn't turn up at the sensory workshop in January that we were recommended to go to by the Child Development Centre when son was diagnosed in December. He was enthusiastic about it and I told him that I would forward details in front of everybody, which I did. I was very surprised he was a no show and there was no mention of it. I am beginning to wonder how often this has happened with correspondence. She nearly always signs for it, doesn't mean she passes it on though! I have emailed the Police to ask if I am OK to go and put new copies through his door. I don't want to do anything that causes an issue while he is on bail. Haven't heard back. The thing is, this is important stuff that he needs in time for Thursday and included one about WWK being my McKenzie Friend. That's going to look good in court "yes, I did inform the respondent, but the co-respondent rejected it"....!! She is an absolute psycho and must be incredibly insecure.

On a "woo" note, I had Tarot done on Thursday...wow that was interesting! I visited her 18 months ago when on my knees with grief, she was astonishingly accurate and much of what she said has come to pass. This time I asked specific questions, let's just say that this isn't going to end well for them. I love a bit of "woo" but do keep sensible head on. I guess it depends on how much you believe doesn't it? It was very interesting though!

Anyway, that's my latest....really not looking forward to the week ahead....!