Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

Can you ask for an adjournment on the day to give you chance to look into her disclosure? It seems very unfair to expect you to just fly with it on the same day you get it. A qualified lawyer would struggle with that I am sure, so why the judge expects a lay person to be able to do that is baffling!

She really made herself look bloody stupid didnt she?!

Oh and the other thing? I'll get back to you

Actually, maybe the judge was alluding to that when he said that if she gave it to you before hand it would make the hearing shorter. Presumably he has to allow you time to process it.

Maybe post in legal and see if they can help advise you.

WTF would he put the idea of a non molestation order in her head?

It beggars belief.

And what does he mean she can redact info that can be used the wrong way. Isn't that what this is about? She was refusing and had to be forced into it - and now the judge said she can remove info?

Surely she won't actually get a non-mol order, there's no evidence for it, but she can apply for one, maybe that's what the judge meant?

Well done you for getting through it!

Sounds like the judge was calling her bluff and saying in effect: "Well, if as you claim, she's harassing you, then go and get a non molestation order." The redacting bit is a bit odd.

Well done! A horrid experience to have endured but you've got through it and I'm proud of you.

However, I'd say, considering she was applying for a strike out of a court order, she's resoundingly not got her way - she now has to come back next week for a more intensive appointment. Diddums!

Also, her not getting her own way will sting.

As we both know, going to court is a horrendous experience (no matter why you are there) and she gets to partake in the return trip next week as well now, which had she co-operated, would never have been on the cards.

I know, none of us want to be in the proximity of the OW, but having failed to persuade the judge that she doesn't want her privacy invaded, she's now got to face up to the fact that if you get involved in a married man, there are legal consequences as well as social ones, that she has to face up to (or down to by your description of her) too...

Take care. And again, well done. You might not feel about it, but you defeated her claim today 100%. If you were a solicitor, you'd be asking for a costs order...

WTF would he put the idea of a non molestation order in her head?

I am not sure she can get a non molestation order. I understood that to get one you must have been in a significant relationship with the person who is harassing you, so MrsC could serve on the twat and he could apply against her but not Pauline as she has never been in a relationship with MrsC.

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/discrimination_e/discrimination_taking_action_about_discrimination_e/ge30_taking_action_about_harassment.htm

Sounds like she got at least a bit of the wind taken out of her sails.

I should think you'd be able to ask for a recess to at least give you time to look over her disclosure. How can anyone make or decide on an offer without time to look over the information? Or it also could be that her handing over her information will be the only thing done at the next hearing and a new date scheduled for offers.

Post on legal about it, but also consider whether or not you think you should see a solicitor between now and then to advise you on how to get the time you need.

I would assume by redacting he would be meaning 'identifying information' like addresses, phone numbers, etc, possibly even bank names or joint account holders. But not amounts nor her or his name on accounts. Of course, she'll probably redact more than that. Another reason why you need time.

As far as the non-mol, I think that's probably pretty standard to avoid someone wittering on and on in court. And as we say here; "Askin' aint' gettin'".

Sounds like she made herself a 'new friend' (NOT) of the judge.
What a pair of idiots.

I think basically she was claiming 'harassment', which is a criminal event so a judge responded in a legal manner which is: prove it.

He set the challenge - and exactly the line I would take. You can't make allegations without evidence. In court, you are never taken at your word, but your credibility can be assessed. Judges are very good at this.

Personally, if it were me, I'd employ a solicitor to represent me on that day, and then get a costs order when she fails. You cannot 'harass' a person when all you are doing is following court procedures, which are laid down in law, and must be obeyed.

Non-Mols are difficult to get - OW should just ask MrC who has failed to obtain one against MrsC, ever and yet is now subject to one...

I know these things, because me and my SHL are constantly told we are harassing bullies. Best response is 'meh' because the onus is NOT on me/MrsC to prove we aren't harassing, but the other side to prove we are. Life sucks, but themz the rulez.

Hi ladies, thanks for all your replies! I have calmed a bit now after a much needed chat with WWK who is the voice of reason as ever. I believe the Judge simply did not take on board her claim of harassment and replied that if she felt like that she would have to apply for a non-mol. There is no way she would get one, I haven't harassed her at all as she well knows. I have challenged my husband, definitely, but he has never been able to make a harassment claim stick and has fallen flat with that one at every turn. The last contact I had with OW was in February 2014 when she sent me an utterly malicious e-mail. She would have to provide proof and of course I would vigorously defend. So, we'll see what comes on that. In terms of disclosure, she lost that one, full stop. What an idiot sitting there saying the Judge could see it but not me. He just looked incredulous. Across has got the redacting bit absolutely right. It's funny, the only reason OW said that, in my opinion, is because she KNOWS how easy it was to impersonate me and use my bank details to set up a direct debit in my account. She's assuming that I would do the same. Fortunately, I have morals, something that is severely lacking with those two! Bogey..."Pauline"..still makes me laugh out loud!!

Sounds very much like a good result. It's put those two in their place. And I assume and hope you will be able to get an adjournment or whatever to give you time to study the figures.

The mental image of the two of them is quite hilarious.just as well all the MN lot weren't there, we would all have been laughing in court

Well done. Another step nearer. And another victory

Hi Izzie, thanks for posting, yes I guess I got the result I wanted. I will play it by ear for the next hearing and have my next questionnaire and offer ready. I wish you could all have been there! What a sour faced trout she is.

On a happier childish note, I have noticed her business page on FB has lost about 20 "likers" overnight. It appears that FB have shut down fake accounts that people are using to artificially increase their "like" quota. How embarrassing! I imagine that's one of Mr WT's "jobs" to do everyday!

I feel a bit deflated tonight. Weird.

Hello, MrsC, yes would love to have been there, to support as well as to clock the two of them.

The FB thing, god what some people do to maintain an image. Yes, my ex is all about whitewash. I remember arguments when the window was open and I used to shout out about "your affair". I used to do it deliberately to watch him nearly having a coronary trying to shut the window before his cover was blown. I used to have a little big laugh to myself.

I can understand you feeling deflated though. Every now and again it hits us about why on earth we are actually in this position. I felt the same when I got my car. Really pleased I got it. Better car than I would have got if still with him. And then came the thought that I would rather my marriage had worked. I suppose any high in these situations is always followed by a low. But never as low as those two, eh.....

Oh MrsC I have been shamefully absent (DH illness and now DD1 about to start potential road into CAMHS) and am at what they have been up to, poor you and your DS.

It does sound as if court went as well as it could have, the judge does have their measure. As many pp have said the 'get a non-mol then' sounds like a 'try it, cat's chance in Hell mate' to me.

You're still riding the rollercoaster and will be for a while, keep doing it with the strength and grace you have shown so far. And look after your health, I'm willing to bet it's stress related though.

Wow! I have just found and read this thread. It's pretty shocking. Your ex sounds like someone who is completely disintegrating.

Really don't know what to say. Can't believe how well you have coped.

Good luck next week.

Thanks Izzy and Pointy for lovely posts....Pointy, so sorry to hear about DD, you know I have trodden that path with my own DD, so you know where I am if I can be of any help x

Mumoftwoyoungkids, thank you so much for your post. It's a mess and coping is just about all I can manage at the moment, very difficult indeed!

I am feeling a bit crap today. I can't get OW's ugly bitter face out of my head, nobody wants to see their husband, somebody they loved so much sitting with the cause of the nightmare they are enduring. She really is the most vile individual and it has hurt me very much.

Today I am trying to organise contact between Mr WT and DS. My inlaws are trying to mediate as a "third party contact" due to bail conditions. Weirdly, Mr WT appears to be against every suggestion made but agreed to see DS in two weeks time via his parents. That will be 3 weeks without seeing his son. Unfortunately, the effects are obvious on DS so I have made some complicated arrangements in order that contact can resume as normal....so far no response from Mr WT...I am betting they are going away or something and he's now put himself into a position where he will have to admit this or whatever else it is he's up to. I smell a rat.

A very large rat, MrsC and his even rattier partner, trust your instincts my love, they haven't failed you yet!

Sending you and your family love and support, you are amazing for self-repping, and standing up for what is right, KOKO, x

Hello MrsC! Rather than hijacking WWK's thread I'll carry on here. Sorry to hear you are feeling 'meh'. Like you say though this will be down to the stress of the entire situation. If anything, yesterday's outcome was probably as good as it could be. I echo the previous responses saying that the judge's comments in relation to the non-mol sounds as if he meant 'yeah, whatever, try if you must'. A very calm way of telling her it's pointless.

I would ask for the case to be adjourned if she only gives you her disclosure on the day of the hearing. The argument would be that you submitted full disclosure in good time to allow MrWT and his then sol to review, and you should be given the same opportunity in return if this hearing is to be fair and equal.

Thanks acatcalledjohn...yes it was very stressful and I wish I hadn't had to see her. You know when somebody exudes coldness, that is the best way I can describe. Horrible. Indeed, I think the outcome was the only sensible one really, just have to gee myself up for next week, although WWK will be with me for that one...which will help a lot! We will have to make a decision on adjournment on the day I think, there are still of lot of issues to be addressed and we're getting to the point now that a conclusion has to come to pass. I literally cannot wait for this to be over...then I can grieve properly....

Hobbit, thanks my love, my instincts are normally spot on and I am very unsure of his behaviour at the moment. Will just have to wait and see. I have to say, I wouldn't recommend self-repping to anybody, people will have no choice but to do it unfortunately, but this has been utterly horrible. However, I shall KOKO as you wisely suggest x

Well, all the rigamarole re contact is for DS, so will be worth it in the end as we'll do anything for our children, anything, to see them happy.

I can imagine the aftereffects of seeing OW are probably just now hitting you. Just remember how horrible it must be to be such a bitter, ugly, mean-spirited person like her. What a terrible weight to drag around, like Jacob Marley and his heavy chains. And how lucky you are to be YOU; full of courage, a loving heart, and a giving spirit. Right now you may feel weighed down because things aren't settled. But when it's over, and it WILL be over WWK is proof of that, your weight will be lifted and you'll be light in spirit again. OW's chains will weigh her down forever! As will HIS!

Across is right, you know. Being bitter, twisted and greedy never makes for a happy life, so in metaphorical chains they shall live. Whereas you will eventually look back on it all, and you can be proud of how well you handled all of this crap.

Wanders back here while waiting for WWK to come back from her fag break

Across indeed, I have to do the right thing, even if I don't think it's the right thing. Terrible really. What really got me was that Mr WT offered OW's DAD as the third party contact. I had to tell MIL that I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut so was probably a bad idea. This Dad, I mean really, this bloke moves in with his daughter five minutes after his son in law is killed and is now trying to facilitate access? I would love to know what tangled web of lies he believes, because I know what I'd say if it was my daughter! Unbelievable. Mind you, she's an utterly over indulged only child so I guess they don't give a shit about me, as long as she's "happy". Urgh.

acatcalledjohn...I hope you're right. All I need is for somebody to tell me how I stop loving this twat looks embarrassed

You will. Love isn't a switch, it takes time, like all grief does. Clearly he did his grieving before he walked out on you. You, however, are being denied the chance to do so yourself by having to deal with all of the shit both of them are throwing at you. As soon as all of this is in the past, then you can grieve properly.

So don't feel bad for still loving him. just remember that you are in love with the man he used to be, not the man twunt he is today.