Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

Hi everybody, firstly thank you so much to everybody for ongoing support and lovely messages and the new "delurkers" who always make me smile! OK, so things have been pretty awful. I will try not to bang on! I have recently suffered a major bereavement, my lovely Auntie, my late Mum's little sister who had a totally curable cancer that unfortunately wasn't cured. The loss of her has been awful. She took my Mum's place when mine died, has been a grandparent to my children, loving, kind, generous a true friend. I am devastated at this loss and will always be. Those of you who are friends with me on FB will know already how much she meant. All of this was compounded by Mr WT taunting me about it. I can't even go into that, it still makes me cry. So, moving on to DS's birthday last week. On the previous Saturday DS went out with his father as normal. He returned with a quad bike. A quad bike. He's four, he has Aspergers. No protective gear, no safety considerations, just a quad bike on my doorstep. I did in fact go mad. I put DS inside with DD and asked Mr WT to remove it. He laughed at me. I have nowhere to store this vehicle, my garage is full of his shit that he refuses to remove. So incensed was I, I put my back out wrestling this thing into the back of my car and I drove it straight round to OW's house and left it on the drive. Explained to DS that we couldn't have it at our house as we don't have "private land" and we didn't have the right things for him to wear, he was satisfied with that. As four year olds' are. Then came the texts...he hoped I'd die of cancer, DS should have been aborted rather than have me as a mother, I am a monster, I have broken his heart, did I leave his devastation on the drive too? That is the short version. I literally cannot bear to read them. I did forward to WWK who was equally disgusted...which is not like her, she is normally the voice of reason, but could also see the venom contained within. I did my level best to respond passively given the situation I found myself in before Christmas with the police. I was, however, utterly devastated. I sought advice from the same PC who interviewed me after I called Mr WT a succinct profanity and he told me to report. So I did. Had a lovely PC, tiny, beautiful, but hard as nails and had been through this with her parents. She was also disgusted. They decided to invite him to attend station. OW answered the call for that...refused to hand over phone and when told they wouldn't discuss with her, she hung up. So they arrested him on Friday night. He was obnoxious at station so was put in a cell. OW got a solicitor from her cousin's practice to attend. Mr WT gave a "no comment" interview. He has been bailed until end of April. He has made no effort to see DS. He is not allowed here or to contact me and his phone was taken away. I am told it is up to him to arrange contact. I have had to lie to DS and say daddy is ill. I am very stressed with it all. To top it off, OW has decided to challenge her summons so we are in court on Monday for her to explain herself. Finally, in terms of me. I have been ill with colds and sinusitis since January, I have now completely lost my voice. I have been given a 10 day course of antib's. If they don't work it will be "tests". Long term hoarseness etc is not a good sign. I have been under such extraordinary stress that I think my body has just broken down. Hopefully what Mr WT wished on me won't actually come to pass. I think that's all of it. Thanks for being here for me xx

Heavens, you poor poor love. I'm (delurking and) wishing you tons of luck with everything (and the very opposite for mr WT and OW who should be utterly ashamed of themselves).

It's no wonder you feel under the cosh, but fingers crossed those antibiotics work.

So so sorry for your loss.

Notabeararaccoon...what a fab name! What made you think of that?! Thanks so much for your delurk. I SO appreciate it. It's all a bit shit isn't it? I am really grateful for your message and kind words, it means a lot!

I should also add that Mr WT told the interviewing officer that he had "no idea" of the "ordeal" I had put him through over the last 18 months. How do you deal with that sort of delusion? He is still blaming me....!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. As for that twat, well it must have been venomous if WWK thought so. And glad it got him banged up. Try not to worry about losing your voice. Someone I work with has had that for 3 months! One doctor has told her that due to the nature of her job, she should be signed off, but another doctor has told her to just get on with it. Therefore, I hope it's more one of those things.

inlectorecumbit...thank you darling...xxxxxxxx

Izzie, thank you so much, I hope it's nothing too...my body has taken a battering, I used to be such a health freak, fit, gym, clean food, it's gone to pot over the last year and a half and as my Mum died of oesophagael cancer, I am very nervous about a near 2 months loss of voice...although I have had lots of other niggling illnesses alongside it. I remain pragmatic. As for Mr WT...I am so glad the grass appears to be so much greener. Arresting offer described OW as a "lovely woman"...note sarcasm. Controlling and manipulating was the other comment. I will never understand it...I am sure I played my part in all of this, PND, awfully difficult baby/toddler, depression because of that....but I still tried to carry everything and given the extent he has been unfaithful, I can't even blame that or me anymore, he's just flawed..it's just how he is.

Oh you poor thing on the loss of your Aunty, you must be devastated, I am so sorry

I suspect you are right about your throat, your body has just had enough and is letting all the bugs in, the chances of it being something awful are very very small.

I know its hard to deal with their behaviour but every single time they pull another stunt like this, it is another nail in their coffin and another tick in your box of "I am being reasonable" for when it goes to court. She really is incredibly stupid isnt she?! Honestly, who thinks that they can simply bully a court judge into saying "Oh ok then, I will ignore all the orders that have gone before just because you are saying no"! Wont.Happen. And his attitude on being arrested, well consider that the icing on the cake.

Your lawyer must be thrilled, they are doing all her work for her.

I should say, and WWK knows this very well, that some people honestly think that if they shout loudly enough at the world then the world will change.

Its quite fun watching their reaction when the world doesnt do exactly what they want it to to do.

Thanks so much Bogey....only OW would ignore two orders and then challenge a summons...you couldn't make it up. So much to hide, clearly! I don't get any of it anymore, it has become a point scoring contest I think...in their eyes. From my point of view, I just want to keep my house and get some bloody maintenance...I don't get how he doesn't see that at all. I SO wish I had a lawyer but am self-repping and doing OK with it thus far, although so difficult and stressful. The court have been very kind to me. I have tried to do things as a lawyer would and hope that will stand me in good stead. It's weird how all these things happen when you're building up to a hearing. I think OW shot herself in the foot as we weren't due in court until end March, she decides to apply to vary order (she was given the option to do that, but that's tactics, she doesn't get that). She thinks she shouldn't have to disclose at all. So interim hearing, she wasn't banking on that at all, but can't get out of this one! Idiots!

only OW would ignore two orders and then challenge a summons...you couldn't make it up. So much to hide, clearly!

Exactly. You know what, I suspect that this will work in your favour because there is clearly something you dont know that she doesnt want you to know. Any judge worth their salt would have smelled that ages ago.

You are doing so bloody well, I cant tell you the admiration I have for you just getting through this, never mind self repping! You should be created Dame for services to fucked over women every where by showing us how its done :)

Im just glad that they both are such stupid idiots, and that you have such a lovely PO. Its unpleasant and long winded but at list their shitarsery is all out in the open for all to see, so when it does all go to court you should be fine and dandy
Im so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your body and mind have taken such a battering that you are laid low to infection, so wishing you a speedy recovery.

Any judge worth their salt would have smelled that ages ago.

Well they did, but YKWIM!

I understand your fears after your mum, it's natural. My parents both had dementia, and I can be extremely sensitive if I forget something, or can't find the right word.

Bogey, you're right you know, loads to hide...I just can't get my head round it, what is wrong with her that she will actively encourage my husband to leave us in this shit? I couldn't, would never, be with a man who behaved like that towards his family. She seems to get some sort of perverse pleasure out of it. I have done as well as I can under the circumstances, I think the court see that...I hope so anyway...so fucked over women everywhere...there is hope! Thank you so much xxxx

Nettle thanks so much for your lovely message, let's hope this is all stress related and nothing more sinister. xx

Izzie...we've got to have tests for a genetic thingy called "Lynch syndrome"....that's another story. My Dad also has early stage dementia so I get you...at nearly 46 with a 4 year old and a 16 year old, I am prone to forgetting what is going on from one minute to the next but try not to let it stress me..but I understand your fears too x

I am so sorry you have such a dreadful time recently on top of everything else. Really sorry about your Aunt, that must be very hard. Well done on reporting them, I am sure that will help when you go to court. Hope you feel better soon. xx

Oh Lord! I really have no words! Sweet Girl, I don't know how you're still standing! But I think there's a lot to be said for the strength that comes with knowing you are right. And from protecting your children. You are strong. Really you are. You've made it this far, you'll make it all the way. I'm sure that WWK feels the same. I am so glad you two have each other in RL! As far as your voice, when I'm under extreme long term stress there are times that I actually get a partial paralysis of my vocal chords. It's only happened a few times and luckily anti-anxiety meds took care of it. Once the stress was over, it went away. Our bodies are just weird, I guess.

As far as OW, the reason she's so ugly is because she knows, deep down, how wrong and evil she's been. The only way she can live with herself is to convince herself that you are the 'bad one'. More fool she, I hope she thinks he's worth destroying her own soul for. Because I don't believe that anyone who cheats, lies, and does dirt like she has comes through it without real damage to their soul, spirit, self, whatever you call it. Same for him. Think about it, at one time he was a decent husband (well, I think he was) and look at him now. Don't tell me that his spirit or consciousness is undamaged and whole. No way. He's damaged down to the bone. So is she. So as hard as it may be for DS to understand, really, I think it's better that he sees as little of his 'father' as possible.

With all the shit he did that got him arrested, do you think that you might now qualify for legal aid? I know that abuse has something to do with it and if you have a restraining order maybe that might qualify you. Also the fact that OW has family members from whom they are probably getting free or 'off the books' legal advice. I'd certainly call them (or whoever you'd call) and ask. It can't hurt.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Auntie. Just hold on to your memories and remember that no one is ever really gone as long as our memories of them make us smile. And I know you must have many wonderful smile-filled memories of her.

The reason he's with a woman who encourages him to be an abusive, vindictive swine is because she complements his nasty, petty, vindictive nature.

Stay strong, the courts don't like the kind of mucking around she's engaging in.

Thank you everybody for your support, so much appreciated .

Across, thanks so much my lovely. Indeed, I think a lot of this is stress related and my voice is returning a little with plenty of hydration and the antiboitics. Let's hope they do the trick. OW and Mr WT really are something else. I cannot understand their mindset or the fact they think I have put them through an ordeal! How dare they! They really did expect me to just f* off to the far side and disappear and agree everything on "their" terms. I still can't get my head around any of it, I really can't. I have been pointed to an organisation via the Police who may be able to help me with legal issues but that won't extend to the finances. I can deal with that and hopefully it won't go on for much longer. I will make an offer after the FDR on the 26th but at the moment, I am a little stuck because of OW's lack of disclosure. Will have to wait and see what Monday brings. I am not sure how much advice she is getting via family because they wouldn't be able to tell the truth. I did advise the solicitor who assisted Mr WT last Friday that I was aware of the family connection. I am sure that came as a surprise to everybody. Being a self-repper turns you into something of a detective and I have been aware of that for quite a long time now.

Andro, you're right of course, I am not entirely sure that my husband knew what he was getting into. However, they've lived together for nearly 18 months now and he could have got out if he wanted to...he clearly doesn't want to so I have to assume that he is fine with her behaviour! It's weird! I don't think she will get any sympathy in court especially as they have now had to schedule an additional hearing due to her protests. I am also not sure what her excuse is this time, she has not furnished me with the correspondence she sent to the court as she should have done, so I will find out on the day what this is all about.

So, onwards and upwards! I will try and make sure I post a bit more regularly rather than massive essays every month!! Thanks ladies!

I am so sorry for your loss :( I hope your throat gets better too.

Do you think the ow sent those texts? Either way, he has made his bad and is now lying in it. I hope he gets everything he deserves and more.

I just want to wrap you in flurry hugs and make it all go away for you, but that would be so totally weird from a stranger on the internet, who has probably lurked on this thread more than posted. So and with lots of honey x

Do you know Jennco, my MIL said exactly the same thing. If he's taken the rap for her then that's his own stupid fault. Thank you for your lovely message and I will take a flurry of hugs from anybody, especially my MN buddies . So, thank you for being there and lurking x

Im sorry you are going through such an awful time and wish peace of heart for you some time very soon. xxxx

RE your MIL- I think what she said when she doubted her son sent you the texts was just what a mother would say.

I wouldnt read anything into it.

xxxxxxx

Hi Weebirdie...I think we agreed that that was probably the case, she is not and never has defended him, quite the opposite. They have always supported me 100% and despite Mr WT making recent contact with them, he ruined it by trying to cause problems between us and then with the comment about hoping I'd die of cancer (his father is in remission), he kind of screwed himself really. Also, Mr WT has some literary issues that were glaringly absent in those texts, hence the comment. I am so grateful for your lovely message, I hope I have some peace soon too! It's all getting a bit too much really and I don't get why they are perpetuating this situation. Surely if you love eachother and want to start a life together, you'd want all this shit out of the way as soon as possible, not to drag it on for 18 bloody months. I'll never understand it. Just weird!

MrsC, the only way I can kind of explain the 'shit' is like this - they have to have something to make them feel their 'relationship' is real.

They no its not and right now its the shit keeping them together, and just as soon as the shit is over they will be as well - hence them not wanting the shit to end. Its the glue holding them together right now.

xx