New man, issue with a female friend

[DippingAToe31]

Hi, I'd just like to get a general consensus to see if I am overreacting or not.

I've been seeing a guy for about three months now. It's all very lovely, get on great, sex is awesome, we both have toddlers and although we haven't met each other's we have spoken about doing this but leaving it until near Christmas time if things are still going well. We see each other 1 or 2 times a week and are happy taking it slowly, but we speak and text everyday.

Now for the sticking point...he has a lot of friends both male and female, this is actually something I really like about him. He hangs around a lot with a couple of women and they all do things together with their children, including a camping holiday recently.

One of these women is a single mum too and last year they snogged on a night out.

I'm not silly enough to think I am in a position to have any opinion on their ongoing friendship. But...he told me a few days ago that he and she are thinking of booking a long weekend abroad together with their children for in a few months time.

And I don't like it. As a new girlfriend I am not sure what, if anything, I can say.

I do sincerely feel though that if we were still together in October (which I actually feel we probably would be) and he went on this trip abroad with her, I wouldn't feel like being there when he got back. But this sounds like a threat doesn't it.

Wisdom please....???

I think if I was drunk it might help me understand SM's posts a bit better!

Yes, that's true Wings but the op feels uncomfortable about this for whatever reason.

He went on a lads weekend to Ibiza and she was fine with that so she is possibly not an axe wielding bitch.

Trust your gut... If it doesn't feel right it doesn't mean he will get up to no good. It often means he is not the right one for you... This approach has served me well in recent years.

I wouldn't like it either Dipping; a day away with their kids wouldn't worry me, but abroad? No way.

Also, please ignore Scottishmummy. Besides, I'm impressed you can even read her posts - the atrocious grammar sends my head into a spin and I can't even be bothered to work out what she is trying to say.

I know it's early on in your relationship, but if you really like him, I would make known my concerns in a way that is not oppressive or demanding.

I think it is great to be picky in the beginning of a relationship and tell someone if something makes you uncomfortable. So much better to make sure you are both compatible before it gets too serious.

If he goes after knowing you are uncomfortable with it then you get to decide whether or not he is worth continuing to date.

For me he wouldn't be. Female friendships, going out to coffee or a meal is one thing; a trip abroad would be quite another, but that is just my comfort zone.

I'm reading op posts,and responding.now some of you find it not to their liking
That's fair enough.perhaps if you weren't so defensive or feverish to deride my pov you'd see that it's not healthy to curtail whom he sees
One snog,and nothing resulted.op needs to live comfortably that he has past and free will

Like Cognito said, he's trying to keep you on your toes. Some sick fucks blokes like their women jealous and insecure.

Harsh scottishmummy

its not controlling to acknowledge your own feelings when something feels a bit uncomfortable....a bit icky. Talk to him.....the hope would be that what he says reassures you enough where the uncomfortable ick not so sure, feeling disappears completely. If it doesn't then you have a choice to make. This is not about making him do what your happy with but making sure your ok with his setup and his way of doing things....if your not...run.

I don't think this relationship is going to work out for you.

Either he's not thinking as far ahead as you in terms of whether you're still going to be a couple in October or not.

Or he is and even so, he still can't see a problem with this weekend break.

Or it's all bull and he's deliberately putting you on the back foot, making you feel a bit insecure and nervous.

Any way you look at it, You're on different pages.

It's not that I don't find your posts to my liking. It's the fact that you are judging the OP as controlling and making out she is trying to stop him seeing his friends.

You can't seem to actually read what she has wrote. Either that or you make bigger leaps than Armstrong.

Rubbish.dipping has a choice,she doesn't have to be jealous about his past
If she's insecure about an existing pal,that's her issue.not his
He is under no compulsion to change his holiday for the new gf

If you are dating a guy who values his female friends its part of the package, and part of what makes him who he is. If you can't cope with a bf having close female friends long term its probably better to cut your losses now before you get in too deep.

To be fair, SM. Your posts are so devoid of proper punctuation that it really hard to 'deride your POV'.

He has free will. He can simply end the relationship if he doesn't like her being uncomfortable with it. She isn't forcing him to do or not do anything.

Well I see you've managed to wade through,to tell me you disagree
Well done

Just about.

But keep making those giant leaps.

Thread isn't about me,Let's not digress

Scottish - you are accusing the OP of controlling, and yet you are trying to control the thread to be 100% your point of view.

Pot>kettle.

I think everyone gets it now.

OP - my point of view for what it is worth, is that if the hol was booked before you came along then fair enough. But now that you are dating, it's not. Just because if you are dating, who wants to upset and hurt their partner by going on a holiday with someone else of the opposite sex?

Really? You were doing a pretty good job, sm.

And by October you will have been seeing him for 7 months, presumably in a relationship and planning to start to blend your lives together more.

Then he goes on holiday with this woman and her children. How will they feel and imagine ( the kids) and why is this ok for the adults?

And why is he booking it now? Plenty of last minute breaks at that time, so why tie yourself down? Its a bit odd.

Given,that I'm one of two posters expressing this pov.im hardly omnipotent
A pov,that dipping disagrees with isn't dominant,it's simply a different pov
I'll not curtail what I'm saying,I am in the minority.op is being over controlling to consider asking he curtail planned holiday

I love a good thread with no comprehension, grammar or punctuation.

And I love the notion that a minority opinion is dominant

Wow, there's only one person coming across as having controlling tendencies on this thread and it's not the OP.

That's the thing with control freaks, they project that behaviour on to others because they assume everyone thinks like they do.

Gosh!youre right dr crane
I will exert internet vapours to control op and thread
You're all under my control

Its not planned Scottish. Mooted yes. Planned no. I think I am cool girlfriend. . But I wouldn't like it. He can go but I might not be there when he comes back.

What I'm saying,is what's to be gained telling him whom he holiday with
Bottom line he's with you,he has a past,he chose you.stop fretting what ifs
It's unhealthy to need to curtail your adult partner like this