Does anyone remember? Things are pretty crummy now

[wavesandsmiles]

Links to earlier posts

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1813521-Waves-is-determined-to-keep-winning-now-that-Acrobat-has-arrived

My little acrobat is nearly one. This time last year his MN aunties were cheering him on. I've survived a year but things are tough. I have pnd which has been worsening, and was signed off work a couple of weeks ago.

My new job is very stressful but also Twunt continues to mess with my head. I cannot let go. He clicks his fingers and I'm like a bloody lap dog. I hate myself.

I'm not really eating anymore. I find it hard to smile. It feels like my children would really be better off without me.

But he did. If i remember rightly he loved you very much. You have to remember that! He wouldn't want this for you, can you try imagining what he would say or write him a letter now, anything to distract you from cutting yourself. I like the butterfly idea as well.

I've cut myself. I'm crying.

Oh darling. Is it bad? Do you need to get treatment or can you clean and dress it yourself?

How bad? Can you sort it? Do you need a dr? Please don't do it again.

Waves, cutting isn't the end of the world.

Are you able to clean up with nice hot water and soap, and get some plasters on?

Waves I hope you are still here. I've not read your threads before but can see you've not had a reply for a while

Oh sorry took me too long to read the thread and X posted. Waves, you sound like a wonderful person and mum who is currently quite ill. You have taken some amazing steps already. As PPs have said clean yourself up if possible, if not and it's more than you can sort yourself you need to call someone, now.

Waves come on now love--get a grip.
put these razors away-we are all here to hold your hand and give you virtual hugs.
Get to the kitchen/bathroom and clean up the cut. put a bandage or plaster over it, you wouldn't want your Dc's to see all that blood now would you?
Talk to us about something/something positive to aim for/ something to do with your DC's during the holidays/something you are going to cook. try distract yourself
YOU CAN DO THIS PLEASE LET US HELP

Ok I threw the rest of the razors away and the blood is still dripping but I'll be ok. I just wish it was enough. But it's not stopping and still not enough. Still NC and proud and will remain this way.

Let it wash over you. Pain is only pain.

You will make your own happy ever after.

Goodnight, waves.

ok where have you cut waves!! Can you put a bandage tightly round the cut and elevate the area ie stick your hand in the air or your leg???
You will be ok just keep repeating that to yourself

Try to do some relaxing breathing count in 7, count out 11 for a few minutes instead of panicking, Waves.

Then you can wash your cuts and put on some plasters

I found my other razors. But they aren't working so well. I need this to stop

I am going to call a local service., if you
Reckon it's worth it

Razors in the bin.

If the bleeding is under control, you need to go to bed. If it isn't, you need to think about getting some medical help.

Either way you need to get back to the GP tomorrow. I don't think it's a coincidence this crisis blew up as soon as your Workaway visitor was gone. Your sober coach has left and you're panicking about how to cope. Breathe through it. Say your affirmations. They're all still true. Say them out loud now.

you need to stop this Waves-easy for me to say l know that but you have to be strong here and do the right thing for these babies of yours.
Just think-what if you were no longer around. who would look after them. Would you like to see your Dc's split up. The twunt would get custody of Acrobat--what a horrible thought, he is a terrible role model, would you like him to grow up to be just like dear old dad!!!!
As for the older DC's where would they go! your mum and DSis are not particularly supportive and l believe they have no contact with their DF

In a post above you asked your daddy why you were not enough for him. Do you really want your DC's to be asking the same thing in the future. Mummy why were we not enough for you?
If you can't stop cutting for yourself please do it for them...

It's worth it waves

Please please phone a local service or even a RL friend if you can

I think the bleeding will be ok til tomorrow . But I don't want this to be me.

But this is not the real you Waves.
You are a remarkably strong resilient woman who has just hit a blip.
It will get better, go to bed see your GP tomorrow,continue to ignore Twunt

Please call someone now waves

This is the start of the new you.

It's not you Waves, any more than picking your nose is you..

How are you this morning waves?

Waves how are you doing. I really hope you didn't do any more cutting and that you are well enough to be caught up in the morning before school rush. Please please tell the GP this morning how you are feeling he can help. Tell h about twunt and how he treats you. Tell h everything get the help you need. Can your sister come over or can you go to here for a bit?

I'm ok this morning but my arm is sore. About to let work know that I won't be in first thing this morning as I have to see my GP. I feel so angry with myself for allowing this to happen.

This isn't me. And my dad DID love me, he just couldn't show it very well. And he was so proud of me too. I just didn't really appreciate the ways he showed me.

I need to continue feeding a biting baby now. Tooth number 7 is clearly bothering him as it erupts and feeding time has become rather painful.

I'm sorry for causing worry.