Husband left tonight. In total shock

[nicand2]

Here alone with no one to talk to, 2 young boys are asleep, don't know how I will get thru the night

Deep breath and big hug x

Tea with sugar? Have you got anyone you can call?

Do you want to talk about it?

What happened?

Why has he left? Do you think there is any chance you could or would want to make it work or is this it?

You poor thing

We're all here but is there anyone in RL you feel comfortable speaking to right now? X

Depending on circumstances what about calling your parents? I would be cautious though if you may reunite because they will be bloody furious on your behalf I'm sure and it will make their future relationship with him difficult. Of course that may be what he deserves....

I'm in too much shock to call my mum and dad, it kind of makes it real if say it out loud.

I have found out he has been messaging strangers and lying to me

Yes, make some tea with sugar in it, it will stop you feeling shaky.
You will get through the night, you have to for your boys, though it's dreadful I know.
Anyone you can phone?

Have a strong cuppa and keep reading/posting.
Distraction is good for now

The same thing happened to my friend last month. A month on and she's starting to get over him and feel confident in herself and abilities. Powerful woman and all that. Go to see a counsellor with relate. Talking things over and over and over is a great therapy. Do what's best for your children. If it's not in your control anymore, be cheerful and strong for them.
You can do it! It seems hard and impossible now. But next week it will be a little easier and the week after that a little easier. You will get through this and you will see light again!!

Did you kick him out?

Yes, it is a shock and you probably can't see much beyond tonight, but it will get better.

The messaging has been an ongoing issue for a few months (fairly innocent stuff I think but all with other women and it has been to the detriment of our relationship as he has been spending a lot of time doing it) there have been 4 occasions when I have asked him to stop it and explained how hurtful it was but tonight I saw a load of messages and when I told him he left.

Oh pet, find something to distract you. 2048 is a good app, as is Angry Birds Star Wars.
Chat away on here, there's always a lovely person lurking who'll be more than happy to hold your hand for as long as you need.
Tomorrow you can start on the practical stuff, but it's still very raw just now.

You will get through this. and

I have lost total sight of reality and wish I had dealt with things differently . I don't understand why he's put our marriage of 11 years at risk for what I think was a bit of an ego boost. If I had ignored it would it have fizzled out?

Much easier to vent on here than say everything out loud, thank you

And do you want that to be the end of it?

You poor thing. Have you made ?
It's sadly more common than you think.
Was he on a 'dating site'?
As least he has admitted it. He probably hasn't admitted everything mind. Twunts like this are masters at minimising, denying and deleting.
It is better that he's gone though, give you some space. And also to show what he's potentially loosing.
You don't have to make any decisions ATM re your future. It may be a deal breaker, it may not.....
Keep posting, we are here. How did you find out...?

Don't worry about making any decisions about the future yet, it's far too soon, just do small practical things to get you through the next couple of days.
If your boys are school age, is everything ready for them to go to school tomorrow.
Have you got food or money for food for the next few days.

Am so sorry nicand2

I never wanted it to end and can't believe he's left but despite my best efforts, he wouldn't stop the messaging. Can messaging ever be totally innocent? The people are all in the states so I know he would never meet up with them but just so hurt

Can you call anyone now to talk?

When I started finding out about exH's lies a very long time ago I was in shock. The foundations of my world were shaken. I didn't have MN and really ended up having a breakdown with many unfortunate consequences. I wish now I'd found kind and wise help.

There are posters on MN who have got through these awful times with their dignity and sanity intact and you will get lots of good advice and a ton of sympathy. Keep posting all night if need be there are lots of people who care. x

It wasn't dating sites, I think kik and something else.

He admitted he had been doing it last November (we had been through a very difficult time with our son who has Aspergers ) and he said it had been an escape for him. I supported him and we both tried to make things work but then in February he confessed again that he hadn't stopped and I said I wouldn't make him but made it clear how upset I was. Things seem to get better then slip again until he ends up staying up all night chatting to other people. A few weeks ago he told me it was making him unhappy and it was all finished but then tonight I saw messages on his phone. Not sexual but friendly and I don't think he can stop it

Thanks for hand holding and all the advice, managing to breathe now

Focus on tonight. And tomorrow morning.

Do your dc go to school or nursery? If so, get all the clothes, lunches, bags ready now to make things easier in the morning.

Try to get a little sleep. Easier said than done, but do try. Even resting on the sofa with just a small lamp on and a blanket will help. Look after yourself. There will be plenty of time to talk through what happened. But tonight, focus on yourself.