I just cannot find my 'people' anywhere.

[mymoonandstars]

I suppose I should just write it as it comes out.

I have lots of friends. I have quite a good social life that if I wanted to take a more active role in, I could. But I just always feel on the fringes of friendships, the friend you always forget was there the time that funny thing happened. People talk over me. Someone will say something I just said and it will raise a laugh where as mine just fell flat. I have just returned from a night out where I felt like the most isolated person in the entire world. The things I like and enjoy are considered eccentric by the mainstream (alternative music, I don't watch television, I read ALOT) and I suppose I am essentially an introvert who would still like to 'get out there' but at times I just need to rest my soul.

I dont think I will ever find friends I can totally be myself with without at least some degree of checking myself. Anyone out there with any advice or who have similar feelings? I would be really happy to talk.

Feel it's identikit creative/alternative here, ifykwim. Self-consciously so. Might get myself some toe-rings, that's exciting...

You can make toe-rings out of loom bands. (I've forgotten the thrust of the thread.)

Me too! And only discovered loom bands today! Shall get back in my (home counties) cave

Oh where have you been?

I guess my cave too much! Obv not found enough people, let alone my own ; ) was living overseas till last Xmas is that why?

ah you're another suspicious one then swift. probably think you're something special too

Nah, you can't use that as an excuse. Loom band mania is more recent than Xmas.

probably even a prostitute/lesbian/witch/reader.

At least they sound a little exciting! Must. Get. Out. More. Clearly.

Just came back to this and realised it looks as though I'm saying HB's a prostitute! No!! Some words missing there You don't want to worry about that sort of thing (truth and all that), if you're going to get into this rumour-mongering lark. It's just a good story you need, ideally as scandalous as possible. (It'll make your research way easier, too, if you don't feel you have to back anything up with actual evidence.)

Ebear

What a great thread!

I had a bit of a woe is me moment a few nights ago when I realised that if something happened to DH I would have no one. It was very scary - I'm okay now but think I need to find it in myself to somehow make more of my acquaintances. I am INTP although my job has forced me to play extrovert... I am not. I would rather be alone. I had one friend in primary, no true friends in secondary (just the outsiders really) and never went to Uni. I had a upsetting childhood and I do think that when others were learning how to make friends I was learning how to push people away, or keep them at a distance, so nobody would know the truth. People think I have friends but if the shit hit the fan I don't think anyone would be there.

I have been with DH since 16 and he is my life, he is the person who loves me unconditionally. But I think when you hit 40 you realise nothing lasts forever and we lose the ones we love... god forbid! I have moved countries a well so have very little family here.

So I am trying harder.

I'm reading an interesting book at the moment, Quiet by Susan Cain. I'm not that far yet but think it's a must read for everyone on this thread.

Just marking my place so I can come back and read later, great thread.

Wow, great thread. Makes me feel human! Brilliant posts.

I haven't done the Miles Briggs (?) Test but as far as i know I'm an extrovert. Which is handy as I would have been eaten alive if I were not,my life, indeed my SELF has been so far out of the norm. But somehow I have the social skills to generelly connect with people around me, if rarely in a meaningful way. As lonely as it is, I no longer expect to connect on a deep level and am surprised if I do, however fleeting (which it usually is) and it doesn't stop me trying. I sometimes feel that I am calling and calling vbut rarely receive a reply. I'd probably jump if I got a reply! It may sound snooty but I amconstantly amazed at how thick, unthinking, people can be; lacking in nuance or basic human understanding, even. I sometimes wonder if people are awake - I can't be the only one,surely?

I get it that us humans use social patterns to connect, however obliquely (eg 'how areyou/how is your book going?) And have learnt the hard way that 'fine' is the required (bBritish?) Answer and rarely the unabridged account. Louis Armstrong thinks it's a wonderful world when people say 'how do you do' and are really saying 'I love you'. Maybe he has a point and that a deeper connection is a luxury, not necessarily a given; that good will is the best you're going to get. Not bad, really. I no longer hang around if people are rude or dismissive, though - that isn't good will or misunderstanding it's just rude.

Read a quote the other day, Maya Angelou I think: 'People don't necessarily remember what you did or what you said, but they do remember how you made them feel'. Bears remembering

for so many thoughtful posts.

Where's mymoon?

myer briggs says i'm INTJ which is the rarest personality type there is might explain my 'am i an alien?' sense of place in the world if i believed in it.

Thanks to this thread i have done the basic MB test and I'm (apparently) ESTP. Not entirely accurate IMO but explains why I leap around like a puppy a lot. Madonna is ESTP, which is not exactly encouraging. I am apparently full of zip and vim and all I want to do is have some fun, blind to other peoples feelings as I bulldoze through to fun and The Present Moment. Ho hum. Know thyself and all that.

So if there are any fun-loving, impetuous shallow people addicts out there who wanna have FUN give me a call. Though I will want to talk about philosophy and deep stuff, which doesn't fall into the ESTP profile (hmm emoticon)

Also not entirely convinced by myers-briggs but tested as intp/intj. Apoarently both uncommon esp for women so am either unique-ish or odd.

I think we've generally established we're all a bit odd. Apparently.

not so much odd as for the refined palette

Ooh, I'm INTJ too (though also not convinced by these personalty type/OPQ kind of things)

There was a time when I seemed to be getting a lot of putdown comments like 'gosh, you're very SENSITIVE aren't you?' and I would say 'yes, FINELY TUNED like a vintage violin unlike you, you clodhopper '

Scuse caps I'm on a tablet and can't be subtle

haha you know ProfYaffle, one of the descriptions of an INTJ is that they're sceptical of these sorts of classifications! i'm also an intj...