Have any of you considered OP could have been abused by this man for years and finally snapped, but is blaming herself as victims of mental abuse often do??
No, funnily enough, I haven't. She didn't say anything to suggest that, so I am not going to assume it. Any more that I would assume that a women who was pushed over must be an abusive witch who deserves it.
Maybe she didn't push him hard and he just lost his balance?
Don't be ridiculous.
To push a grown man hard enough that he and his chair fall backwards is to push pretty damned hard. Let's hope she never pushes her child that hard in a moment of anger. And if she's not the type to go around pushing people generally, then there is nothing to say that this out of character loss of control could not just as easily have been directed towards the four year old.
Besides which, she did this in front of her children, which is seriously, seriously wrong. She lost control.
OP I think you should consider whether you are suffering from PND and see your GP immediately.
Maybe he's upstairs feeling awful for speaking to his wife in such a disgusting manner??
Because all victims of domestic violence should feel contrite and reflect solemnly on whatever it was they did to push their partner over the edge, should they?
OP I am not going to tell you that you should move out for good and only be allowed supervised contact with your children etc, lest you kill everyone in the house next time (which, incidentally, is exactly what would be happening on heard right now if you'd been a man with an identical story.) Only you and your DH know the true state of your relationship and whether there has been a history of emotional or verbal abuse. And I don't just mean the occasional, perfectly normal, healthy argument with a bit of name calling that most couples have from time to time, I mean proper EA and systematic VA. (not that could ever be a valid defence for a man anyway) or whether there is some other underlying, mitigating stuff that he might feel he wants to take partial responsibility for (and again, I'm aware that you would;t even be allowed to suggest that on a thread about male on female DV) but from your post I am feeling that you are not generally a high drama, shouty, fighty kind of couple. Which is why I am wondering if you are suffering from PND, or are not coping well with the children and feel unsupported?
However angry, disgusted and distant he is with you over this you need to suck it up. Don't try to justify it, don't go on the defensive, don't try to foist blame onto him, don't try to minimise it - 'he wasn't physically hurt' - just take responsibility for it. And take some action to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Do you ever 'see red' and lose control with the four year old?