Bad fight and I think I crossed the line

[chickieno1]

Had a very stupid argument with dh this evening. At the dinner table ridiculous about chicken! He got on his high horse about wanting to make his point and I said forget about it and he said he had to make his point. I then got up and took my plate with me and said if he really felt he couldn't leave it then I was going to finish my dinner elsewhere. He then said it was very ignorant of me to leave when he had cooked the dinner etc. I went to the kitchen and he was still going on and then said you can fuck off! Now I don't think we swear at each other and I saw red. I came back into the dining area and said what did you say and he said fuck off again. He was sitting at the table and I pushed him so hard both him and the chair fell over :(. The 9 month old baby was in the high chair next to him and the almost four year old was sitting on the sofa watching something before bath time. Dh got up went upstairs and either slammed a door really hard or hit a wall

We haven't spoken or looked at each other since. I feel really bad and don't know what to say or do :(

I can only speak for the force I'm with but DV is just a total zero tolerance. I've seen cops being tied up for an entire shift interviewing both parties, doing door to door etc

very often if the accused is like the op and it's a one off and they've never been in bother before they're surprisingly honest

Dotty it wouldn't, I've investigated these sorts of things hundreds of times. Anyone who reads the news will know these cases never get charged, that's exactly the problem with the CPS and the Criminal Justice System in general in this country.
If OP denied it CPS wouldn't even read the report before deciding no action would be taken!

pink I don't work for a force, but have been the one pressing the charges in such a inccident. It's fast from arrest to plea, but the long wait is plea to trial should they plead not guilty that can take months, and sometimes the CPS will say no we're not taking it to trial now and it's dismissed.

That's the whole point. It's not common assault. It's domestic violence

Boudica is spot on. being charged and going to trial are miles apart. A huge number won't go to trial but someone will be arrested

So you're counting on her being honest! She may also be eligible for a caution in which case she's out the door as soon as an admission is made so no bail conditions etc.

This is just scaremongering, not accurate advice based on OPs situation, which unless she wants to share her criminal history (or lack of) none of us will ever know.

Yes tied up for a shift and kept in the cells over night but kept in for possibly 3 days and then charged with an appearance in court for his incident as described by the OP is not something I have come across before.

Granted my DV experience is limited to an incident when I was 19 (18 years ago) and more recently as part of my job but I am new to this particular area of DV.

this not his.

No not counting on her being honest that was just one scenario. Getting a caution and sent home just wouldn't happen

Seems like the police are damned if they do and damned if they don't

I'm not disputing the arrest, we've all heard of positive intervention but giving advice based on your experience as a victim is not a balanced view. And saying you're a Police Officer and she'll be locked up until Monday is ridiculous and most likely untrue.

The other problem you get is when CPS say no trial now you also loose the bail conditions. Which means they can happily turn up at your door again and scream through the letter box, you then phone the police and now you have to go down the route of harrasment....it's a fucking pain in the ass. Round and round you go till one day May 7th in my case they find you and attack you AGAIN. Then the assault charges are pressed again.

The process for DV has changed massively in hmmm I'd say the past 6/7 years. I'm long in the tooth enough to remember how they used to be dealt with. that's nothing like what happens now. The amount of enquiry and paperwork for a domestic incident is mind boggling now

Getting a caution and walking out the door would 100% happen.

Maybe all DV victims should live on your force area as you're clearly working differently to rest of the country.

If you read my posts pink you'll see I said I was getting my days mixed up. being arrested on a Fri night would mean court on Mon not a Thurs. I've already said I was thinking this was Fri

I'm pleased it has changed. My case was handled very badly and the female officer they sent to interview me treated me like scum. I lost some respect for the force that day.

Yes Redglitter all of what you're saying now is true re paperwork etc but doesn't change the fact you've identified yourself as a Police Officer then given inaccurate advice in an attempt to scare a vulnerable woman into being more ashamed than she already is.

Exactly what info was inaccurate

Days are irrelevant, the situation you described; a charge and remand, would not happen, or be highly unlikely in these circumstances based on what OP has said.

Dotty when I think back to how they used to be handled it's shocking. But thankfully things do change

dotty many forces now have a zero tolerance policy on DV and it's pretty quickly delt with from the police side, it's just the justice system and the CPS that are letting the team down unfortunately. The CPS are a pain to deal with in my experience, and if you get a male dominated court room your fucked.

What surprised me most was the male officer was much more sympathetic and generally kinder. He took the time to explain things to me (never dealt with the police before then) and calm me down. She just assumed I would go back to him, barely wrote anything down and couldn't get out of the house fast enough. Even the CID that came round a few days later were nicer than her.

We have to disagree there. I'm saying with 100% certainty that if someone is arrested for any offence which means going to court, on a Friday, then they are without question held til the Monday. Monday being the next day the court sits.

And IF someone is charged with DV then they'll go to court on the next available day. That's a fact it's not inaccurate or scaremongering. It's hoe the system works

:( well that's shit, I can't say I dealt with a bad police officer in person, they were all lovely and understanding regardless of what gender they were. Suppose you will always get one that's a twat though.

Well firstly courts sit Saturday morning. And secondly what you have summarised is not what you said in your original post which was basically if OPs husband calls the police she'd be put before the next available court.

I assure you they don't sit on a Saturday here unless it's a holiday weekend