Ex has done something horrific.... wwyd? Warning, graphic. ***[Edited by MNHQ STRONG WARNING - POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING]***

[MoonshineWashingLine]

I am horrified, ex-p has hospitalised some poor girl he's been sleeping with. They were having very rough sex and he has severely damaged her insides. I get the impression this is someone he has been meeting up with specifically for rough sex so it was consensual and entirely accidental. He is mortified and has spent the whole night and day in hospital with her.

We have only been split up for 4 months and he's been sleeping around loads. It doesn't bother me but we also have a 2yo dd together so I have to prioritise her.

He is already having counselling and anger management and has just been told by his therapist to go to the gp regarding sex addiction.

Wwyd? I am in shock. I don't know what to do for best. I have to know what happens with it all so I can make decisions regarding him seeing dd but I don't want to get too involved. The whole thing makes me feel a bit sick :(

No there's nothing in place court order wise. I was hoping I wouldn't have to go down the official route but in light of these events I think it's necessary.

The way I see it is, if he is not lying, he has lost control and severely injured another woman. Who is to say that won't happen again, and what if dd is around when it does? That terrifies me.

I think Social Services rather than Court is wise in the first instance Moon

Do you think he's lying?

moonshine that's why you want to find out if police will take further. As otherwise it won't be considered for access purposes.

Have you text him this morning?

Yes oohdaddypig he has a problem with porn, sometimes of a violent nature. And he lost his temper frequently and would break objects in the house and shout and swear in front of dd.

Do you know which hospital she is supposed to be in?

No not going to text him now.

I don't think he's lying... but he is really messed up and I don't know what he is capable of.

Yeah I know the hosp.

If you know the hospital, it should be really easy for SS to check out - you don't need to text him. You poor thing you must be knackered.

Someone who has received the type of injuries implied here, and who is so badly injured that they need to go to resus, would almost certainly require immediate emergency surgery. ITU would be likely post-op.

Unless this was mentioned, I don't think the story the OP has been given is true. If there is any truth at all in it then it has been massively exaggerated.

Moon I think you contacting SS and speaking to your HV is a really good plan. Have no further contact with him, and do that.

Do we know what the other lady's injuries are or how she got them ? Lots of talk of violent fisting and punching, but maybe she had inserted something which subsequently broke. Sounds like the rough sex was consensual, but the accidental injuries weren't.

Had to go to bed last night as the thread was so disturbing. Anyway now have updated and am even more alarmed at the police response, I think you need to talk to someone more senior, as if his story is true then he needs to be prosecuted, and it needs investigating anyway, as if untrue then that is intimidation towards you. Fellreturneth's posts make complete sense, along with many others.
OP you do come across as somewhat vulnerable, I think this man has obviously manipulated and frightened you. I hope that you get to have some conversations today with the authorities that help you see how to proceed. Do you have supportive people around you? I wonder if you have contact with this man's parents, as he may use this as a way to get to you. I am finding it hard to type coherently as the whole situation is so horrific and shocking, and then to get posters blathering on about "consent". Ye Gods.

Hi MoonshineWashingLine,
we happened to see your request re getting the title changed, and have strengthened the warning for you now.
All the best to you and your dd, glad you are making plans.

I agree with you helly - discussion of consent is completely misplaced and missing the point on this thread. Are you ok? You sound wobbly?

(It is quite troubling that an account of such an assault has apologia attached to it that are written by women)

If necessary you can do your own contact centre referral www.naccc-safereferrals.org.uk/ OP

Thank you Fideliney, male violence is slightly triggering for me, I am upset, but I can cope. Just really horrified at the whole situation. Most disturbing thing I have read on Mumsnet I think. I wonder how the op's wider family will react to this. I hope he is lying actually. But either way, there is now a toddler who will have to deal with having this man as her father, and (if true) a woman lying in a hospital bed who may be permanently damaged. .

Sadly, I think OP has more chance of dealing effectively with police if the story is relayed via SS. If she needs to speak to them at all.

Let's just hope it is either a lie or the injuries are not as bad as they sound.

I think the focus needs to be on keeping the OP and her DD safe from this man rather than what, exactly, he may have done to someone else (IF he injured anyone else at all and wasn't just making up horror stories).

If there is an injured woman, it is to be hoped her friends and family are rallying round her and she is getting medical care. It would not, however, be appropriate for the OP to start playing detective.

The man is clearly manipulative and abusive, and dangerous with it. So, Moonshine, talk to SS and Women's Aid and the police DV unit about keeping him away; about supervised contact and/or stopping contact legally. At the moment, with no court orders, you can simply ignore this man, refuse to answer the door to him and block phone calls from him. And if he harasses you, you can involve the police who will remove him. The more official records there are of his abusive behaviour, the stronger your case for pretty much cutting contact with him.

If he has assaulted someone along the lines he described, he may well be imprisoned. If he made the story up in order to distress you, that counts as part of a pattern of harassment.

Being willing to give the police a statement about the exes appearance at her flat, request for shower, account of incident etc is hardly 'playing detective' Solid.

She just needs to be able to provide sufficient detail to substantiate her concerns re her DD and contact but SS are likely to forward the details when they hear the story.

Which isn't to say the OP HAS to do anything she doesn't want to.

Part of me is actually hoping he is lying. That poor girl ,she may well have consented to the fisting but pretty sure it would've got to a stage where she was probably begging for him to stop. And he didn't.