Ex has done something horrific.... wwyd? Warning, graphic. ***[Edited by MNHQ STRONG WARNING - POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING]***

[MoonshineWashingLine]

I am horrified, ex-p has hospitalised some poor girl he's been sleeping with. They were having very rough sex and he has severely damaged her insides. I get the impression this is someone he has been meeting up with specifically for rough sex so it was consensual and entirely accidental. He is mortified and has spent the whole night and day in hospital with her.

We have only been split up for 4 months and he's been sleeping around loads. It doesn't bother me but we also have a 2yo dd together so I have to prioritise her.

He is already having counselling and anger management and has just been told by his therapist to go to the gp regarding sex addiction.

Wwyd? I am in shock. I don't know what to do for best. I have to know what happens with it all so I can make decisions regarding him seeing dd but I don't want to get too involved. The whole thing makes me feel a bit sick :(

Even if he is making it up to psychologically terrorise the OP, that is one seriously unbalanced man.

Thanks everyone, I am going to ring social services today and also make an appointment with a health visitor as I think this should also be in dd's health record. Also it will be good to have someone impartial to talk to face to face.

To think I almost didn't post this thread, I am glad I did though, even though it is horrific. I can't believe this man is my dd's dad :(

Supervised contact Moon and change your phone numbers.

This has got to be a good moment for a clean break.

Your DD has you, she'll be ok.

Good luck

It may be a good idea to check your room and your house for spying gear just in case.

But you should not let him enter the house, or be near you or your DD alone, at least until you know exactly what happened.

I'd be very worried about how he views women to allow him to be a role model for DD. :(

And remember he has responsibilities towards your DD. Not so much rights.

'Horrific' 'Warning-graphic' is about as strong a warning as you can get without putting details into the title isn't it?

Or isn't it?

I think it might be a good idea to have it edited to include the words Sexual Violence

but then again, it could attract the wrong attention for that very reason. I dunno.

Ah yes fair enough

Quickest way is for everyone to report the original post

Much as I have an aversion to the phrase 'triggering' it might be the best thing here, without needing to be too specific about the content.

Triggering would cover it but MNHQs call.

Hope you feel better now you have a plan OP.

The title makes it clear that the thread is detailed.

' the picture adds up to a person who is not in control of his impulses, who has abusive traits, obsessive, disrespectful of boundaries and social norms, concerned with his own gratification above others safety and drinks excessively. To me, that full picture suggests that contact should be considered carefully for a time and boundaries put in place. That's not someone I would want around my child for any length of time' is exactly what I think about this situation.

How do I get the title changed? I didn't really know what to put...

I feel a bit better having a plan but it doesn't take away that this man is capable of losing control to the point of endangering someone's life, which is exactly what I feared during the last few months of our relationship. I am so glad I kicked him out when I did.

Very glad you'll be speaking with SS.

Can I ask why he needed to use your place to shower rather than his? That seems weird to me unless you're right next to the hospital. I can't imagine why he wanted to share this event with you.

(This may seem like in missing the point but everyone has already said everything I would have wanted to say about the actual act/attack).

You kicked him out. You can keep stepping away and keep increasing the protection for your DD. It is all in your hands.

Report your own OP and tell MNHQ if you would like the title changed.

that's dreadful but why is everyone telling OP to call SS and insist on supervised contact as if it's that easy? Unfortunately, men who have behaved violently towards their partners do still have contact with their children.

Vampyre have you read the thread?!

Glad you are getting in touch with SS, they can investigate it impartially and give you advice.
Hope the girl is recovering

yes, why?

The notion that abusive, batshit crazy men remain 'good fathers' unless they perpetrate an abusive act directly on their child has far too strong a hold in our society.

You said it yourself. Social Services or a Court won't necessarily order that he doesn't see his child anymore because of this. I'm not saying it's my opinion, am I?

Well Vamp a few things make this case outside the usual run of things;

The scale and nature of the recent violent incident.

The fact that a second woman is the victim of the extreme violence so this isn't just a 'he said, she said' custody battle with DV allegations being thrown.

By approaching Soc Ser rather than the Courts the OP can get straight in there getting the safety of contact angle considered.

It doesn't sound as though there are any orders in place, so she can call the shots according to her own conscience in the interim.

I think OP's title said it all. I was shocked by what I read, but not to the extent that I felt it was mis-titled. "Horrific", "warning" and "graphic" means open at your peril, to me.

I am actually extremely traumatised by the reports of what is currently happening in Syria and Iraq....

Anyway,OP, hope you got some sleep. Did this guy ever hint at his inclinations when with you? Eg odd porn/violent tendencies? It all sounds really strange - the showering, telling you what he did, being next to the girl in hospital. I'm not sure i would believe anything he says from now on.