This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

And yes to ASDA bras, I love their cotton underwired ones, also very cheap.

Happy, you do not need to go back. He will not find you. Be strong. Stay away - you know he'll punish you if you go back?

Stay in the hotel, or move to another, far away.
He will not find you. And even if he did, you must call the police.

Please don't take your children back into that abusive home. They are taking it in, working out how relationships work. If they go back to that, they will learn that women are for all the skivvying and for punching. Your ds will grow up thinking that is what he should be doing. Your dd will assume that her place is being hit and abused AND IT IS NORMAL! Phase don't let them grow up like that.
Your dd might be angry right now, but sometimes as adults we have to do stuff that they don't like at the time, but will be the best for them. She will than you, in time, I guarantee it.

Happy-how are you feeling? Are you still at the hotel?

I hope so, and hope you and your dcs are safe.

I have changed my number
I feel very numb
We are at the hotel DS is asleep and Dd is watching tv
We are ok and are going to the refuge tomorrow

Thank you for your kind words and messages sorry that I am being pathetic

Don't apologize. You are not being pathetic! You are dealing with a situation that is entirely new to you, and an angry man on top of it. He's conditioned you to act as he wants when he gets angry, so that is your reaction and is completely understandable.

Going to the refuge will ensure that he cannot find you, and many of them have great services to help you get into a new, more confident frame of mind, etc. I hope you get the best one of all!!

You are not pathetic happy, you are one amazing lady! You had the courage to move yourself and your children from an abusive husband.
Well done Hun!!

Glad you got new sim, now you don't have to be frightened when it blips or rings only people you trust will have your number.
It must be so peaceful for you knowing your not going to be hit or shouted at, nobody deserves to go through that.
No wonder you have no confidence in yourself, being put down by this person feeling worthless.

But you are, your looking after your kids, yourself you've done it!

Agree with everyone else, you are far far far from pathetic. I once left an abusive dp, no children, but I found it the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It wasn't as serious as the situation you're in, and I believe I got out early.

I've since rebuilt my life and I am so happy now. But at that point I didn't know where to turn and found it so hard to even realise what he was doing. Chipping away at me piece by piece. Wish I'd had mn!

Please keep posting, you've made truly amazing progress. One step at a time.

Op, you are so brave. Well done. Your children will be so grateful to you, and proud, when they are older, and you have set an amazing example for your daughter. Stay strong.

Happy you are my hero right now. You have managed to do in a few hours what others would manage in years. You are strong and I am amazed at what you are doing. Please do not go back. If you do then he will be punishing you for that for as long as you will be with him. Stay put and wishing you the best. My word you are a mother bear doing the best for her kids.

Well done and keep your kids away from him. He is trying to intimidate you into going back because he feels out of control right now. It has nothing to do with wanting you back but he has no one to bully anymore. Loss of control is making him mad. He will probably try to tell you that the kids need him and so on, well, he can have visiting rights. What he shouldn't have anymore is you.

Your kids are better off with you. You are the best person for them and they will thank you for what you are doing right now. Aunty will always be Aunty but you are their mum and they need you. Stay strong. You have already done the most difficult part. Well done

I just want to be gone I've had enough of it all, my babies need a better life than I can give them

Happy, I rarely post on MN but you have moved me so much. You are so young, with 2 young dc, hold down a job etc. you have got so much going for you but you just don't realise it yet. Be strong for your lovely DC and you. You don't need this excuse for a man in your life. You have a whole future out there waiting for you; grab it with both hands please don't waste your life you have too much going for you. Be strong we are all with you.

Just read all your posts OP

WELL DONE for leaving that took a lot of courage and a great decision f or you and kids.

You must knwo from reading all those thread you mentioend yesterday that it takes time to unlearn what he has been making you think/do and relearn how to be you.

It is normal to feel like this when you have bee subjected to abuse - you will heal and breath again.

So you are 24ish, drive, feed and clothe two kids, have a full/time job - you are doing a lot more than I did and many other 24 year olds

Plenty plenty time to learn things about bras and what not - most of MN wear the wrong size bra hence 'bra intervention threads' - just trying to help you see how much you do and have already achieved.

You have lots of friends on here. You have taken the first steps towards change.

Being scared is not a weakness - it is there to alert us to danger, your partner is dangerous.

In the years to come you will relaise he is weak and you are strong. I promise.

Babies always need their mummies. End of.

Thanks for posting back. Glad you are at rhte hotel, it might not be much and is probably difficult with the DC, but it is free from the threat of abuse. Feeling numb is normal, your feelings have probably been working on overdrive and with frequent 'fight of flight' adrenalin firing you into action.
You'll probably feel some fatigue and feel irritable sometimes and also low and tearful. It's to be expected. It won't be like that for long, it will get better. Your body is trying to hwal itself and recover from the emotional ordeals he has put you through. It is a good sign. If you are offerred counselling, do accept it, as it can really help to talk to a counsellor.

You are not being pathetic, you are being a loving and protective mother and a good woman. You are truly amazing, and yes, you are a hero.

Sorry for all my spelling mistakes and typos. I hope you can understand it!

Dd just woke up crying for daddy I am ruining their little lives he never hurt them I feel sick I don't know how to make it all better

You ARE making it better.

You are taking you and your little ones to a new home where you will all be safe and content.

Just breathe. Everyone here is holding your hand.

You are brave and strong because your children need you.

Keep going Happy.

You are not ruining their lives. Staying with him would, even if he never physically hurt them, the control and abuse you were being put through would damage them.
You've done so so so well you really have.

I can't do it I really can't I am panicking again I can't think properly

Remember your DD is a child, her view of her daddy and her relationship with him is very different to what you have experienced. I think the crying is to be expected.

You said up thread you do not want her to grow up seeing that type of relationship. Some tears now are better spent than what potentially couldl happen to you, them or her relationships as adult. I dont mean to sound harsh, it's very hard to see your child upset I know.

Happy everything you're doing will make your DCs' lives better, stay strong and go to at least see WA and the refuge tomorrow, you can make up your mind after that.
You'll be amazed how strong and capable you feel in a few days with his abusive and controlling influence gone.
Sending you strength and lots of happy vibes, also to your gorgeous DC. They'll thank you for staying away one day, they won't thank you at all if you go back.

He did hurt them every time that he hurt you. Imagine who you would be without his influence? He did this to you.

That's no environment to grow up in.

Hold your nerve happy.

Have you spoken to women's aid today? Are they sorting out accommodation? One goal at a time.

It's your job to keep yourself and your kids safe.

I know that in your head he is an all powerful force in your life, but he is just a man. I promise you that every time you get a bit stronger, he will get a bit weaker.

stay focussed and stay here with us - you CAN do it and you WILL! Think about the alternative. Going back to how you were before -its not an option. There is a BETTER life for you and your DC's. Please just continue to be strong. We are all willing you to do this. XX

Sorry crossed posts.

Breath slow, sit still.

Feeling of physical stress are often felt after an event. You may get these rushes and flashback for some time.

Its all normal given what you have been through. You literally have a lot to process so it's ok. You are safe.