This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Morning happy I hope you and your dcs are safe ?

Just read your thread, and wanted to say you sound amazingly brilliant and a great mum

You are work full time, you drive, you packed 4 days of stuff and remembered your dcs medicine, you recognise you need to be out of your current relationship, you have some money and you have us.

You don't know about bra's because you have probably been so preoccupied with your dcs for the last few years . That's common. You go to M&S and the 'nice ladies' measure you and that's your starting point.

Aunty isn't better for your dcs, you are. But you can see her situation is how it should be. When you leave and rent your own place you will be better than aunty. You and your dcs somewhere safe , it will be heaven.

It's a long journey but you're already a few steps in. Just keep pushing forwards . This man broke your ribs . Holding your hand love.

Well done happy. I would consider changing your sim. Your ex (how good does that sound) is not going to tell you anything you need to hear.

WOW what a lovely post. I have a few tears(its dusty here) I can't begin to tell you how in awe of you I am, I don't think I could have done what you've done. Well done for ignoring texts. The more you practice the easier it should become. when you are settled dd will realise her life is more peaceful. what time are you able to ring WA.

How do you feel?

Well done for getting this far!

Its normal to not know how to do things if you haven't done them and it sounds like he has controlled what you are allowed to do for a long time. You can always ask on here if you need advice. You might not feel like you can do things without him bit you can, and if you don't know how to do something you can learn.

It doesn't matter if he's angry, he can't do anything to you as long as you are not there. Stay away from him and stay safe. He can be angry all by himself.

Well done Happy. So proud of you for getting yourself and your dcs out of that situation. You've shown your dd that it's not right to be treated like that.

One step at a time and you've done amazingly so far. ?? keep posting, we're all here.

Well done OP - we are all very proud of you.

As soon as you can, take that SIM out, cut it in half or stamp on it and get a fresh one. You don't have to hear from him again if you don't want to.

It's a beautiful day and this is the start of your new life. Congratulations.

Well done

Op you have so much support, you just need to ask. Women's aid, your therapist, your mental health team, the doctor who saw you about your ribs, the police.

If it's too hard for you, please let others support you.

The house is under your name, you pay the rent, maybe you can get police assistance to remove him from the home. But it's up to you, you might prefer to live in a new place.

You've done so well. You will be ok, and you will be happier once this is all over.

Well done HappyLand. The texts he has sent you might be useful at some point as evidence of his behaviour so don't delete, but no need to read them. :) Hope you have a good day today. One day at a time.

If there is anything you do need to go back to the flat for don't do it yet or alone, talk to WA about someone going with you, and what your legal rights are, and what your choices are. You have done the hardest part.

Happy - I'm so proud of you! Well bloody done! Please don't give his 'anger' a second thought - he is his own problem now. you need never speak to, or see him again, ever. HE CANNOT HURT YOU NOW! How good does that feel?

You absolutely did the right thing by getting out. You are allowing your dc to live a calm, happy, normal life free from violence and pain. No dc should have to witness mother being beaten, hit, abused, or even shouted at.

You can go it alone, you are strong, you know what is right and what is NOT right, you work, you have your dc lives to nurture; you can do it alone. Don't worry about little things like bras; there is NOTHING you cannot do.

Let WA look after you know, they will help with accommodation, benefits, childcare, how to deal with EX.

Hi HappyLand - I just logged on this morning to see your updates and I am so so proud of you.

You have come so far in just a couple of days! That is absolutely incredible.

I notice that you said you don't know how to buy a bra or things like this - I guarantee your husband doesn't either! He probably just picks one at random and then tells you that you can't do it. He is only doing it to make you feel useless. He is a small, pathetic excuse of a man.

You don't need to have him in your life. You never have to put up with his anger again. And you most certainly don't need him in your life. You need him out of it!!!

I am so glad that you managed to find the strength to call women's aid - it sounds like the ball is rolling quickly, and that's fantastic.

Please do keep posting here is you start doubting yourself - you've been through years of your partner telling you that can't do anything, so it's only natural that you would doubt yourself. We will be here to support you and to tell you the truth - that you CAN do this, and it is so so much better for you and your child.

Well done Happy. You should be proud of yourself. We all are.

I'm going to have to go back he is so angry he said he will find out where I am
He didn't ever let me wear a bra if I wasn't at work and it was always the wrong size
I feel ashamed and disgusting
I dont know how to do it anymore, my dc deserve happiness and a mummy who can look after them well

Happy you need to keep away from him.

The law is on your side. He has caused you harm and imprisonned you. That is enough for you to take steps to protect yourself and your DCs so that he doesnt come near you. The law is on your side but you do need to take some steps. Talk to WA about an injunction. You can read about it on their website.

Talk to the police if you can, or ask WA for a representative or advocate to help you to talk to them to get protection for yourself and your children. You can tell WA or the police where your bras are and they can go and get your bras. You shouldn't go anywhere near him, nor should your children.

Dear Happy, hang on in there. He is not all knowing and all seeing. At least wait till you can see a WA rep. He wants you back to suppress you and keep his vile nature a secret again. He is not right in the head and you sound amazingly capable despite it all. He cannot hurt you or belittle you again if you hold tight to that courage you found yesterday.

Please please dont go back, he wont find you. Turn your phone off!

Honestly you will be absolutely fine. WA will give you all the help and support that you need. You have come so far and done so well. It would be too dangerous to go back.

Do not put yourself or your kids back in that situation.

Most women are walking around in the wrong size bras. Many don't wear bras out of choice. It doesnt mean anything. No one can draw conclusions fro that and say they should be ashamed, and nor should you be. He should be ashamed of himself.

Don't believe anything he has said about you. It is all lies. You are a great woman, a good mother, a strong and kind person. I am having to learn that the thoughts of being shit or stupid or rubbish or worthless come into my head, I have to capture them and say to myself they are lies and tell myself the opposite. You need to too. You are useful, look how you go to work, how you have asked for help here, and got away.

You are not a shit mum. Look how you have got them to a cm when you are at work, got them out and away feom that violent abuser, with documentas, clothes and toys.

You are not stupid. You have got away. Despite him brainwashing you into thinking he owns you and methodically undermining your self confidence, yiu have managed to take the essentials and get away from him to safwty. You really do not need him. Without him there is so much more real help available to you. You can live your life,free to choose your own friends, and meet who you want to, with your head held high.

Have you and the children eaten today? Try to eat something and aim to get a good nights sleep at the hotel or WA refuge.

Happy, don't go back. Don't listen to him. You've done so well. One day all your bras will be the size you want - right or wrong. Asda tshirt bras are amazing at £4 - get yourself one of those as a sign of your new strength and independence. You're a capable woman and a survivor. Keep going.

They say true courage is when you're scared but keep going, don't they?

Are you in a hotel? Please please tell reception that you are hiding from someone and your room number is not to be disclosed to anybody - including anybody claiming to be your husband - for any reason whatsoever.

Please do this now, as it's extremely important. You can call them from the phone in your room if you like. Tell work that you are unable to come in for a few days - that would be the obvious place for him to find you.

Also, if he does somehow come to your door, no matter what he says do NOT let him in. Check who is at the door before answering it. If it's him, ring reception IMMEDIATELY and tell them that you need the police.

You are not disgusting.

It does not matter how angry he is - that is HIS problem and NOT yours. Do you know when you will be hearing from women's aid?

Also, it might not feel like this, but you have already made the scariest decision. You have left, and you were absolutely right to. You deserve so much better than this man. To be completely honest, this man doesn't deserve to be living in society. He needs to be locked in jail.

You have take the step of leaving, and we all support you more than 100%. Now all you have to do is not go back. Again, talk to us if you start having doubts.

Please don't go back.

It is not disgusting to get yourself and your children away from a violent abuser. It is admirable. You have been exemplary. You have put your safety and the safety first.

You can go to the police. You have done nothing wrong. Don't believe the lies of someone who has hurt you and harmed you so badly.

You can walk into a department store and get a bra fitted; that is easy to fix.

What won't be easy to fix are more broken bones.

Are you sure he isn't tracking your phone. Please get rid of it as soon as you can.

It can't be tracked if it turned completely off. No need to get rid. It mifht hold useful evidence.