This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Happy you can do this. Are you still in the park? Do you have clothes, nappies etc? Have you contacted women's aid?

Do you remember yesterday I said you are going to wobble, this is you wobbling. We are here to hand hold. Xx

I can just let them live with their Aunty she is better than I am
I only have one it doesn't fit I don't have a clue how to buy one I don't know what clothes size I am I am unfit to be a woman let alone a mummy

If you are not around love then he will end up as the sole carer.

You feel useless because that is what he has told you. He is a liar. You need to leave then you have all the time in the world to find out who you are.

What did women's aid advise you to do?

I have 4 sets of clothes for each dc, nappies, wipes, dd's medicine ds's blanket and a different pair of jeans for me and documents I am sure I have left so much important stuff I threw some toys in the car I am just rubbish as a mum I can't do it

I said I will call them back when I'm at the hotel but they said they will look for a place for us

Please let them help you. I have no personal experience but I'm sure they will ensure your dc and you are safe and help you to learn to cope on your own and believe in yourself again.

You'll be ok. Be strong. I know your frightened but keep talking here. We'll support you until you need it.

Is he wondering where you are?

He has sent me 17 texts I'm too scared to look at them

Don't look at them. Is your phone unlocked? If it is just buy another sim for now and use that.

For now you have one goal. Book yourself in somewhere then call them.

Happy please keep going you are so close! You're brave. & strong ! Don't read the texts just keep going!

Where are you? MNtters nearby will come and be with you to help. You cannot go back now. Your children need their mother, not an aunty. You are their mother. Dig deep, and then dig deeper again.

Where are you? (concerned for you)

You are probably terrified right now, though possibly no more the you usually are, but this could be the first day of the rest of your life

You CAN absolutely do this. You CAN have the life you deserve and want.

Who cares if you don't know how to do some things? You can always ask, either in rl or here. I think it's very easy when you've got a mental health issue to see everyone else as perfect and coping and doing well, but that's simply not the case. The amount of parents I speak to who are exactly like me in the fact that they have no idea what they're doing when it comes to parenting is huge!

My sil has major issues talking to people on the phone. She can barely do it, and I empathise because I felt similarly a few years ago--so much so that I was adamant I couldn't get a job, so I didn't even bother trying, despite having a degree! Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, there are always things we don't know how to do, so please, please don't let this hold you back.

Reading your posts you sound like a shell of a person at the moment. He's worn you down and hollowed you out, but you have the power to fill yourself back in again. I promise you do.

You can do this, and we're all behind you

GungHo that isn't how it works. This is an online community with online support. Why are you saying MNetters nearby will come and be with you to help

GungHo I would love to know the motivation for your unhelpful post.

Happy
Let somebody help you, we all do.

Your probably think " they don't know me, how scared I am, I can't do it"
But everybody on here as had a feeling like your having now in the lifetime

I went through panic attacks which lead to depression, I never thought I would get out of that black hole I was in. I was even to scared to get of the sofa or have a shower because I felt shaky,dizzy really unwell.
But 2 years on and I've done it.

You are amazing you have similar problems to me, yet you hold down a job, 2 children, a house. That is success

Everybody learns things, wether it's cooking,ironing dealing with things takes time. As you say clothes, bras etc, I've been into shops and asked assistant to measure me and yes been in the wrong size but they don't flicker an eyelid it's there job.

Hope you have rang w aid back, they will help you step by step.

Happy, you are experiencing anxiety. It makes you think you cannot do things. To get over it just ask for help, do the thing, and over time practice doing it some more. The anxiety goes.

You feel like a fish out of water without him because it is all unfamiliar, and because you don't know where he is. Get away, get to a hotel and phone WA again.

Op where are you? Please say you are safe with you DC! Please don't go back, you will be punished, youknow that.
Are you safe?

Would people please stop asking the OP where she is! She isn't going to tell you, and nor should she because of her violent and abusive partner. OP is already scared of him finding her, so asking where she is on here really does not help. Women's Aid is the way to go. If you want to give practical help, donate to your local branch!

Oh you poor thing, I'm in tears reading this.
I hope so much that this is it for you, you're out and will stay out.

If you go back... then well done for trying. Keep posting on here. Everyone is still here for you. We will still hold your hand if you go back until you are ready to go again. I am frightened for your safety if you do go back though :(

And you know we can talk you through buying a bra that fits, right? I know it is one thing, and not the biggest thing. But it's an example. ANYTHING you need help with, online here, or a supporter from Women's Aid can help you.

He broke your ribs honey :( Stay safe and be ready to be happy again x

HAPPY. I am going to bed now and you are in my thoughts. Whatever you do tonight I hope you remember how brave you ave been today. If you are back at hoe don't forget you can change your mind and leave another day. You made the first huge steps today and even if it was only a trial , you can try again and may get further next time. You are a strong clever woman and are a huge success. You are just worn down by the pressure you live with. Look after yourself and have a good night

Yegods -I was not asking where she was in the country, I was asking whether she was still at the park, or in a hotel, or back at 'home' or wherever. No need to go off on one.

Happy -where are you? Are you safe?

Happy are you in the hotel? Did you get hold of women's aid?

You can do this, you are doing so well. Remember you are strong, what you have endured over the past few years proves you are strong.

You can relearn the skills you think you cannot do. You and your dc are going to be able to have a wonderful life together. Xxx

Morning HAPPY> I hope you feel proud of what you did yesterday - whatever you did last night. Don't feel you can't come back here if you think you didn't do what people here wanted you to. Its your life,make the changes you want when you are ready. Hope you are safexx

Hi everyone
I am at the hotel I spoke to womens aid last night and they have arranged a refuge for us. DD seems confused, and a bit angry but we have spoken about why we left etc.
He hasn't stopped calling, I sent him one text saying I didn't want to talk at the moment but he is just very very angry.
I feel tired and a bit in shock I think.
Thank you all for your messages