This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

He came back and he was being angry with me
He went out to the shop but I don't know if he's coming back here or not I just feel shaky

I'm going to pick up the dc and go and stay in a hotel for a few nights. I'm going to call womens aid from there. I have been thinking and reading lots of threads on here and I wouldn't ever want my dd to think it's ok for someone to hurt her

Dear Happy, this is no way to be living. Try to breathe slowly. Try not to show you have seen another way to live. Be careful with your emails, pm's and internet history. Get to know where your most precious things are.... Your kids, photos, proof of ID and income, meds etc. You will find a way out soon just as you found mumsnet. WA can really help. No man who should love and care for you should scare and hurt you like that. Have hope. You've seen a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Well done Happy - get out, get some breathing space. Don't let him know where you are! THIS IS A DANGEROUS TIME - WHEN THEY FEEL THEIR HOLD SLIPPING. DON'T BE ALONE WITH HIM. Leave your phone; pick up a cheap PAYG if you can.

Also, If you can, consider going to the police and getting them to help you. If you ask for the DV unit, they will help you get away; yes he will be angry (his punchbag's gone! His personal slave/skivvy/sex toy has gone! ) but he will be angry on his own - or for preference, in a police cell. Yes, you could have him put away for what he has done to you. Let him be angry - I am angry at HIM!

But the police are usually brilliant - they will come with you back to the house to collect your stuff, if you ask them. Make sure they know you are frightened of his reaction and don't want to go alone, or for him to know where you are.

Do call WA - they will not put you in a refuge if you don't want to ; they will if you do. Either way,they will help you decide, and go through the procedures and claim any benefits you are eligible for. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You have been badly, terribly abused.

Yes, go to a hotel and contact WA from there, happy. Brilliant idea. :) ask them also for advice about keeping him away from you.

You can take the battery out of the phone (so it is completely turned off) and take it, and it can't be tracked. If you have it with you, he can't look through it. Keep the SIM card at least, as once this is all over, you will want to be in touch with your friends and some other contacts.

Happy I just want to send you huge congratulations for making the first steps out coming on here and posting and reading all the information you've been given by these kind and wonderful women. I really hope you can make a couple more steps in the right direction and call women's aid, from the hotel sounds like a great plan.
I wish you loads of strength and luck for the next few days, weeks, and the future xx

just wanted to say that your message about not wanting your children ever be in the same situ as you is spot on. keep hold of that feeling to keep you strong. You can do it you really can. massive respect for taking the first step towards a happier future for you and your babies x

wow! well done. good luck.

The hardest part is to pick yourself up and walk out the door, with the intention of never coming back.

The practicalities will all be taken care of in due course by the refuge. That is not their priority, YOU and your DC are. They will make sure you are safe and comfortable. Please don't waste your energy worrying about anything other than escaping from your abusive P.

It might not feel like it right now as you wont be yourself until you feel genuinely safe, which it sounds like you haven't been for a very long time.

Please please please take care of yourself and your DC and get out of there and never look back, except to see how far you've come from the madness you were living before.

I have my dc we have left the area we are just in a park now but he keeps calling I can't just ignore him but I don't know what to say I am starting to panic the baby is ok but dd seems quiet.

IGNORE! He should not know where you are. Get to a B&B/hotel and phone WA. They will advise you on every step.

Stay strong. You are doing this for your dc. Don't worry about dd right now, concentrate on keeping her safe and away from him!

Happy - please ignore. I know you are anxious and worried he will be angry - but if you are not going back, he cannot do anything to you. He can be angry all by himself.

Stay strong, and stay away.

Please please don't even think about going back;

HAPPY> How are you feeling? have you managed to access any support?
He has no power over you. the police and refuge will not be afraid of him, My solicitor told me once ' don't worry cjelh, a huge percent of my life dealing with abusive men' when he got nasty she had no fear of him at all it was amazing!! other people don't see them as the monsters we do they realise the are wicked and the bully crumbles when confronted.

I just want to be gone I am so tired of this now and I am having all these thoughts of things he has done in the past

bless you, Have you got hold of anyone yet? reach outxx

I have my dc we have left the area we are just in a park now but he keeps calling I can't just ignore him

Yes, of course you can ignore him. You could chuck the phone into a bin, and buy a new one if you like.

I have called womens aid but I think I'm going to have to go back

Why?

Happy, you have done the hardest part! Now you have left, don't ever go back!! You will be safe and there are people out there who will look after you and your kiddies.

Do not tell him where you are or where you are going. You are not his possession, you have to protect your children.

I am not going to be able to do anything without him I am stupid I don't even know how to buy a bra properly he doesnt like me to wear different things how can I start a whole life without knowing how to do it all by myself

I did. With me, it was my dad and I was younger than you. You can do it. If all these women here have, we know you can. People in shops help you buy things, that is their job. I have never needed a man to help buy a bra, and neither do you!

If you don't leave for yourself please leave for your children.

What did women's aid advise you to do?

You can do it. You're raising 2 young dcs which is amazing and you're doing this for them as well as you. Focus on them, don't think big picture, baby steps.

You're doing amazingly.