This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Another one willing you on and rooting so much for you. I'm a long-time lurker, never posted before but just had to speak up and join everyone here in telling you that you have done a really admirable and strong thing. You are not stupid or annoying or any of those other negative words. In fact, you come across as the complete opposite - someone who is genuine, loving, intelligent, kind, decent, articulate, incredibly strong.
I wish you strength to keep on moving forward, for the sake of your little ones and for the woman inside you who deserves a chance at a safe and enjoyable life.
Look at your little daughter and remember that, inside you, there is also a very vulnerable little girl who has been treated absolutely appallingly through absolutely no fault of her own. Please try to get as much help and support in real life for that little girl inside you. She needs hugs, love, support, nurturing. Like everyone else on here, I send you all of those, but you need them in real life too. You really do.
If it's appropriate, can you show this thread to a support worker - it really shows, in quite a raw way, that you are doing remarkably well but that you also really need help too.
Like so many other posters here, I am thinking of you so much and hoping that you stay strong. And please phone Samaritans or 999 during the night or at any time if you are having dark thoughts. When people hear what you have been through, and what you have done to protect your children and yourself, they will really really want to help you.

Ditto her Happpy
You've had your confidence shattered by this horrible man, and now need to build it up again. It will take time, and you will get there.
Just think how strong you were to go to the police and all you had to go through there. A huge amount of women would not be able to do that, and you had the courage to do it!!!
Be proud hold your head high.

Ditto re the help, I was given by the MHT the number of the psych ward at the local hospital for after hours use. Have you got any such numbers for
Out of hours? Just somebody there to help with your thoughts and feeling when there going round your head and you feel like your losing it.

Have you got the patience at the mo say to play games on your ipad or read a book on the kindle apps? Something to keep you interested in when the children are in bed, till you take your meds before bed. Xx

Oh sweetie you're not ungrateful or stupid or annoying. Not once have you come across that way to me. I think it's damn decent of you to keep us so well informed actually so thank you for taking the time to update so often, when you have so much else on your plate!

Hope you had a nice evening with your lovely children.

If you wake up in the night and feel panicked again, remember that it will pass and you WILL get through to the other side of it, one breath at a time. Call for help if you need to.

Hugs x

Nope here, too, Happy

Stupid, ungrateful, annoying, pointless, etcetera, etcetera, are all things your ex told you, right? Well, guess what, he's not here!!!

You can be anything you want now - kind, funny, smart, stylish, dynamic, gentle, brave - all your good qualities. It will help to see yourself through your children's eyes, and through ours.

Your ex's eyes are not the only ones. And he is mad, anyway, so it's best not to give too much credibility to his opinions. Look through our eyes at yourself. Through your daughter's. What about your childminder; have you ever asked her what she thinks of you? Might be interesting.

Please help I am bleeding I don't know what to do am I losing baby ???

I don't want to lose my baby do I call out of hours or not

Please phone 999, then your childminder to look after your children.

Am I allowed to call 999
I can't think i can't lose my baby

Yes absolutely call an ambulance, hope you're ok my love try to stay calm x

Happy
As said ring 999, then child minder for the children, if not take them with you in the ambulance, they will help you.
Don't panic!!!! You will be fine.

Please come back when you are able to and let us all know you are ok please xxx

I hope you are ok this morning, Happy.

Hope you are ok Happy. How are you today?

I lost my baby

Message posted too soon but just wanted to say thank you

Hello there Happy, how are you today? You really are going through the wringer

Oh God. I'm so sorry xxxx

Oh Happy so sorry, really hope your coping with all the trauma that's being thrown at you.
One step at a time, no rush.

Perhaps soon might be the time for some talking therapy, as I'm sure you must have a lot to get of your chest.

Take care of yourself and your little ones. Xx

Dearest Happy,
I am so desperately sorry. Please try and be kind to yourself right now. Strangers on the internet are thinking about you and holding your hand right now. xxx

Happy, I am very sorry to hear this, too

I had a miscarriage when my marriage broke down - the relationship was nothing like as frightening as yours, but also wasn't "normal" and the breakup was incredibly stressful. Losing my pregnancy felt like a final nail in the coffin, somehow ... and it also felt more or less inevitable. I'm not supposing I know exactly how you feel - I don't! Just trying to extend a little extra sympathy.

Your hormones will be all over the place for a couple of months. As you're also altering your medications while going through dramatic life changes, I think it's crucial to make sure you have MH support. Plus, be very kind and gentle with yourself please. Do remember all the good we see in you!
xxx

It just hurts I want it to be done

So sorry Happy. So much going on in your life right now, you must feel like you are in a whirlwind.

Yes as garlic says, your hormones are all over the place, so just ride with it, it will settle down (eventually). Whatever you feel is 'right', is what you feel, so don't feel bad or sad or angry, it is what it is.

Be kind to yourself. And gentle.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, Happy. It is going to hurt. That is normal. And it's okay - grieve for the loss, feel anger, feel sad, feel numb, have a bath and sob your heart out. But please please don't hurt yourself. Please be kind to your heartbroken self. You are going through, in a short period, more than many women have to go through in a lifetime.

As others have said, please speak to people in real life. You need and deserve so much help and support. Are you getting any?

I'm pretty sure you won't feel this way just now, but in the not too distant future I hope you will be able to look in the mirror and see a strong, remarkable, resilient woman, an incredible role model for her children. That is who we 'see'. Stay strong xx

Oh my darling you poor thing. I am truly sorry to hear that. Life is so cruel sometimes. It is ds' birthday today is it not? What awful timing.

Allow yourself time and space to grieve. Are you still receiving daily telephone support? Please take any help you can get. I'm thinking of you every day, wish I could do more. Do you have anyone with you tonight (apart from us)?

Don't forget how special you are sweetheart x

whoknows, that's a lovely post and what I would want to say too.

I am so sorry about the baby. Just when you had made a decision and dealt with the shock of it all.

Happy, please be kind and gentle to yourself. Don't harm yourself or let your body go through anymore than it already is. It's an amazing body.

Thinking of you tonight and my prayers are with you.

I just want all the hurting to stop I know I have done some wrong things I know I stayed with him too long and it probably wasn't best for my children but I have left now and I just feel like I am being punished. I want to be able to look after my babies properly but my body just let one down and the other two are suffering because of my stupid mind. I have no idea how to show dd what a strong or independent woman looks like and DS has no male role model now. It's my fault I should never have had children with him. I feel scared and the only person I have in rl is my childminder and we aren't even close. I'm sure she thinks I'm an idiot. I feel scared and lonely and I really want to voluntarily give my children up to ss now, before it's too late. They won't even remember me and it's better that they are with someone who is stable and kind and has a nice heart and home.
This is stupid and rambled but I can't think better than this at the moment