Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
whitsernam · 11/07/2014 23:09

Happy, you've had several times now when you've posted that you just can't do it.... and yet you're still alive and taking care of your beautiful children. So you ARE doing it, maybe not enjoying it, but you get through it. They say "fake it til you make it" and that's what you have to keep doing. Later on you will see that you accomplished something huge, and can be proud of it. For tonight, just try to relax, get some sleep, and let tomorrow worry about itself.

People through the centuries have survived some amazingly difficult situations, and you will too. Have courage. Courage is feeling the fear but doing what you need to do anyway.

Slidingintoindifference · 11/07/2014 23:13

Happy, as a lurker who admires your strength and courage, please keep talking to us.

Sherlockholmes221b · 11/07/2014 23:21

Happy, you need to take some action to keep you with us. Either ring the Samaratans or contact someone on your MHT and tell them exactly how you feel, it could be you need more help to get through this time.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 00:02

I can't call anyone there's no point dc better off without me

OP posts:
whitsernam · 12/07/2014 00:27

No they're not!! You really need to keep breathing, reach over and pick up the phone. Dial emergency services or the Samaritans and get help for yourself. You can get through this; you have already proved that more than once. You don't feel it right this instant, but feelings change. Please pick up the phone.

GarlicJulyKit · 12/07/2014 01:53

Are you still up, Happy? I'm just off to bed in a minute, but wanted to check in with you first.

HappySmileyFace · 12/07/2014 04:46

Happy -I want to give you a big hug and tell you this will be alright. Please call to talk to someone. You are not alone.

imip · 12/07/2014 06:29

Happy, I'm not sure if this is the same. But when my daughter died, I definately just wanted to die. I couldn't have killed myself, but I just wanted to die. I wanted the pain away and that was a pretty quick way out. I just couldn't live another day without her. But every day I just had to get up and keep going, despite just wanting the ground to consume me...

It's a shit place to be in, and honestly, I can see see how not being here would seem like instant relief. But what would happen if you weren't around. Would your ex get custody of the dcs? NO that couldn't happen. Why should you be denied happiness because of the actions of your ex, and why should your dcs be denied a happy Mum and family life.

This is a long journey. You deserve happiness, lot of it. The next hours, days, weeks and months will be tricky, but you can do it. Can you see that strong women who endured so much, but escaped with her children to give them all a better life? She is still there... Keep fighting (xxx)

captainmummy · 12/07/2014 10:08

Happy - did you keep waking at 3am when you were still with him? I bet you did; worrying, panicking, stressing, cutting...
It's no different now, just without Him. He is no longer a source of your worry, so you are stressing about other stuff - you can do it. No reason why you can't, you are a strong, capable woman, a mother.

What is it that you can't do? Bring it into the light - let's look at it. What is it?

Don't give up on them. They will be lost, devastated, without you! Even if they get taken in by someone nice and kind, or even their aunt, she is not you!

Can you imagine your poor children growing up without a loving mother?

How much harm you would be doing them in their childhood?

Please stop suggesting your dc will be better off without you. IT'S NOT TRUE.

Please keep posting.

MerryMarigold · 12/07/2014 10:52

Happy, are you out there? Thinking of you...and hope you're ok.

GarlicJulyKit · 12/07/2014 11:50

Happy - did you keep waking at 3am

This is an excellent point, Captain! Of course, if you're in the habit of waking in a panic of despair, that habit will linger even though the cause of anxiety has gone Flowers

Hope you're feeling safe today, Happy.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 13:08

Am here have read your messages thank you
I am tired and a bit desperate for something to change now

OP posts:
Wickeddevil · 12/07/2014 13:25

Happy are you able to contact any MH services in your area at the weekend?
You have been through such a lot, it is OK to ask for some support so that you can be there for your children. You are the most important thing in their lives and are truly precious to them.
Remember too, that early pregnancy can make you feel pretty terrible, on top of which you have had a change in meds. These physical changes, together with the trauma you have been through are having an effect on you, but these symptoms and feelings won't last for ever, and you have already demonstrated that you have enormous reserves of strength to make positive changes.
The Samaritans and 999 are there too, and please keep posting here, if you want to.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 16:15

I called the crisis line and spoke with a nice woman there
I am just with dc will feed them soon and think we will watch a film.
Dd is very clingy I think maybe she can tell I don't feel well, I feel really bad if she does know but I haven't let them see me sad
I feel really spacy
Thank you for the support everyone x

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 16:43

I'm sorry I think I've upset people and made thn a

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 16:44

*made them angry I'm sorry

OP posts:
captainmummy · 12/07/2014 16:46

Who? Who have you made angry, Happy?

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 16:53

I don't know captain I think everyone

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 12/07/2014 17:51

Not me, Happy. I'm not angry at all. I doubt anyone else it either. I think people are busy at the weekend. MN goes a bit quiet. I have been out since 11am, was my kids' summer fete. You are used to making one person angry, most people are not like him, Happy. Learning that will take a while.

My kids always get a bit more clingy when I am down, they seem to sense it. It's ok, it shows they are empathic (empathetic? I dunno), I mean it shows that they can feel for you and are sensitive so that is a good thing. This is short term, Happy. All the things you are going through are gradually going to get better. I don't think there will be massive changes at once, other than the fact you have LEFT. That is worthy of celebration.

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/07/2014 17:52

Happy I think you are having some paranoia.

I doubt you have upset anyone that didn't need upsetting.

Your kids love you.

We are all rooting for you.

Anyone worth their salt who knows the back story will be on your side.

If you are feeling bad at the end of the day, then make sure you have some mental health backup to support you.

None of us here want anything other than for you and your kids to thrive.

captainmummy · 12/07/2014 17:59

Happy , no one is angry with you. You have done an incredible thing, and got your lovely children away from a nightmare. You have got yourself away from a nightmare.
I suspect you mean in real life? Because HE is angry with you, for 'getting him put inside'(when it is HIS actions and his alone that have put him inside - bastard) Or maybe his brother is angry with you for getting away, and for putting bastard inside? Or the rest of his family/friends?
THEY DON'T MATTER! they are not living your life, you are.
If you are being threatened or you feel people are angry for DOING THE RIGHT THING then would you think about moving right away? There is nothing to Keep you there, is there?

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 12/07/2014 18:55

I hate being like this, I hate being ungrateful and stupid. I don't want to annoy everyone.

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 12/07/2014 19:06

I'm another one just willing you on so you can get to the good bit of life you deserve. You seem like a strong and lo

fusspot66 · 12/07/2014 19:07

Loving person

fusspot66 · 12/07/2014 19:09

And I'm angry and annoyed at him for squashing your spirit and hurting you.