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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 10/07/2014 17:16

I just saw his brother he was so angry
Feel shaky

OP posts:
Mini05 · 10/07/2014 17:57

Well he wouldn't be angry if he knew what he's put you through these last 6 years!!

Try not to think about it. It happened move on! There both not worth your time and energy !!!

Did you manage to pick the children up, how old is DS on his birthday.
Now there's something for you all to look forward too, perhaps get a little cake and make it special for the 3 of you.

Hope you managed the rbs shopping before you bumped into the other dick head!!

Have they changed your meds because your pregnant ? So what have they changed you from to?

Try to keep busy or relax whatever works for you.

GarlicJulyKit · 10/07/2014 19:09

My guess is the men in that family feel they have the right to be angry at women, Happy. Saves them feeling angry about themselves. Leave them to each other - you are free now. You don't ever have to try and please an angry person again!

I do hope today went well enough. How was it, apart from Twunt Brother?

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 10/07/2014 21:56

I really need to distract myself I will answer ur questions
Apart from seeing his brother it was ok, I bought a bra which doesn't fit but I night just order online instead.
DS is going to be one on Sunday Smile my beautiful dc are getting too big, I feel in awe of them both and their strength and ability to smile through this shit.
They have changed my meds to fluoxetine I think and I was on sertraline before but apparently fluoxetine is safer in pregnancy, but better to not take it at all. They said try to cut dose down gradually. My gp put my prescription in today so I can get it tomorrow.
Thank u for posting for me everyone x

OP posts:
springbabydays · 10/07/2014 22:04

Ahh your ds is just 4 months younger than mine! It's a beautiful age isn't it.

captainmummy · 10/07/2014 22:09

Wheere did you get the bra, Happy? Can you take it back?

I'm glad they are looking at your meds, sometimes a change is needed; I think the body 'gets used to' certain meds and a change is needed to kickstart it again Grin

Don't worry about seeing Ex brother - he is probably as bad as your ex. They've probably got the same bastarding outlook on life, women, work, fags, booze - you are so much better off without any of them and needn't bother about any of his family. If he gets arsey, call the police.

What is the new flat like? How many bedrooms? Colour of the walls? Kitchen - big/small?

endlesspossibilities · 10/07/2014 22:38

happy, I have been lurking since the beginning, and I just HAVE to say:

I am totally in awe of your strength and bravery.

I know you don't feel strong or brave. But, step by painful step, you are getting through this awful, awful phase. You are quite amazing and I admire you so much.

It WILL get better.

HOLD ON! just HOLD ON!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mini05 · 10/07/2014 22:38

Or a lovely one year old, I bet DD is always trying to pick him up! Is she about 3 or 4.

Re your meds,
have the psych told you how to come off the Sert?
Given you a plan
you need to do it very gradually (but then you've got the pregnancy ) so you will have to have some guidance of the MHT, but don't let them rush you.
Did they tell you Happy there may be start up side effects? Don't won't you to be scared if you have heightened anxiety, insomnia as these are normal when starting up(you probably know all this luv don't you)
Maybe ask for diazepam to help with the transition if you feel you need it to help.

Good news about the bra, even though it doesn't fit. Can't tell you how many I've taken back!!! I get really frustrated buying bras there all so different in sizes to each design and every shop is different I can be 34c in one then 36b in another. It can test your patience.

Have a nice sleep, and tell the MHT exactly how you feel. Write any questions down if you can before they ring. X

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 11/07/2014 03:12

I can't do it I am too scared
Don't want to do it anymore

OP posts:
Charley50 · 11/07/2014 03:18

Hello. You are being very strong and brave. It's ok to be scared but try not to let that feeling overwhelm you. There are other people around to help you now. It's ok; a new day in the morning. Just take it a day at a time.

GarlicJulyKit · 11/07/2014 03:42

Darling, you know why your children are smiling and happy, strong and clever? Because you're their Mum :) Because they know you love them, know they can trust you, and know you're keeping them safe. DD couldn't sleep through until you brought them away from that bully. She knew how to go to the toilet, but felt brave enough once you'd brought them to safety. You ARE amazing!

And look at everything you're doing for yourself, too. This is so important, for your children and your futures together as a happy, secure little family. You will take wobbly steps sometimes, because you're not used to being free. And it's okay to be wobbly sometimes - look at a baby learning to walk! No need to do everything right first time, just keep toddling a few steps and you'll get the hang of it.

I hope you're sleeping now. Have a lovely Friday with your children, and use your support. xx

imip · 11/07/2014 06:59

Happy, you've come so far... Really, in the space of this thread, you've escaped... I know it's hard. I can only harp back to how terrible my childhood was because my mum stayed with my dad, and how fucked up my siblings are. You can do it for them.

I have two dbros with chronic mental illness, a sister with mental illness who is a stripper and cannot stay in a relationship because she canot be faithfull. Oh, she is an alcoholic too. Her 'boss' takes her to parties and plies her with drugs, God knows what else goes on.... My other dbro is generally depressed but managers to generally stay employed. I am, dare I say it, kind of normal... But I have lots of hang ups from my childhood...

You are doing this for them, and you can do this for them. And you certainly couldn't live your life the way you were living it. Show your cunt ex, show his brother, show his family what an awesome life you can have! (((Xxx))))

LumpySpacedPrincess · 11/07/2014 07:17

Happy, you are a strong woman. Look at what you have already achieved. Hold your nerve and do everything you can to get the help you need to stay functional.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/07/2014 10:40

But you are doing it!
Please contact samaritans if you are feeling very down.
This part is like a rollercoaster.
You will ups and downs.
This is a down.
But the up will follow.
Keep being brave for your gorgeous DC.
You CAN do this.
You ARE doing this.

springbabydays · 11/07/2014 12:56

You can do this, you are doing this!

Every day, every hour, every minute that passes, takes you further from your unhappy past and brings you closer to your happy future. It WILL get easier. You already know you can have good days, even great days! Keep going and soon they will be the norm, not just the exception.

Keep going lovely lady x

springbabydays · 11/07/2014 13:01

hellsbells apologies for repeating your last bit word for word - hadn't refreshed the page since this morning! See happy you are doing amazingly, we all think so x

tipsytrifle · 11/07/2014 13:14

Just keep holding on, Happy. Hold on for the next point where you are ok, where you CAN cope. It was 3 a.m. when you posted that ... exhaustion alone can drive you batty never mind the hell you've escaped.

You have a lot going on inside your mind and the meds should help you calm it all down and re-establish some order in there. It'll happen, Time really does allow healing.

You're amazing. I've said it before and i'll say it again. Often. We all will. Until you believe it.

Did you get your call this morning?
Can you return/exchange that bra? Try the next size up or down?

myroomisatip · 11/07/2014 13:19

How are you doing now?

Have you had something to eat? (hugs)

MerryMarigold · 11/07/2014 14:29

Happy, hoped you managed to speak to the psych team this morning.

Happy Birthday to ds. A 1st birthday is so special, a real landmark. You have nurtured him for a year. Wow. And not just done that, but coped with terrible abuse. It will hit you sometimes, Happy. And this is normal. But you're out of there now. As Yaz said a long time, "The only way is up."

Hope you can find a bra online. Distract yourself with some online shopping. I can spend hours wasting time with it Wink!

Wickeddevil · 11/07/2014 19:56

Happy how are you now? We are still here.

tipsytrifle · 11/07/2014 22:20

How are you doing, Happy?
We are watching out for you as much as we can ... Cake

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 11/07/2014 22:44

I'm sorry I just can't do it x

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 11/07/2014 22:53

I'm sorry x

OP posts:
Mini05 · 11/07/2014 23:03

Happy
What is it you can not do? Are your DC with you tonight?
We all will see you through this.

Have the MHT rang today, what have you been up to today? Resting or keeping busy

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 11/07/2014 23:08

I need to die

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