Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
GarlicJulyKit · 09/07/2014 13:48

Are you near the phone? Call an ambulance. Keep breathing. You're doing WELL ... there is help for you.

GarlicJulyKit · 09/07/2014 13:49

Slow breathing's good :) It will slow down, just focus on your breath and get help. xx

BananaRaces · 09/07/2014 14:21

Try to count your breath in and out, focus on the counting, try to go in for a count of 4 and out for a count of 5. Then once you can do that, try to go in for 5 and out for 6.
Call an ambulance as soon as you feel you can.
You're doing so well considering what you've been through.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 09/07/2014 14:26

I'm trying it's all blurry and scary

OP posts:
BananaRaces · 09/07/2014 14:35

Have you called an ambulance HappyLand?

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 09/07/2014 14:41

I can't do it

OP posts:
BananaRaces · 09/07/2014 14:47

Keep counting your breathing, focus on the counting, until you feel like you can call them.

What about the amazing thing that you've already done for you and your DC? You've already got away from the abuse, that is such a hard thing to do that many women sadly never manage it. If you can do that you can do anything.

GarlicJulyKit · 09/07/2014 14:50

You are amazing, Happy. You have wonderful children. You're a fantastic mother. Everything starts here, all the good stuff. Just make it through the next hour, do one thing at a time. No need to deal with everything now. Call help, please.

BananaRaces · 09/07/2014 15:08

Please call for help HappyLand, thinking of you. xx

myroomisatip · 09/07/2014 15:08

Happy, are you okay? Are you able to make yourself a cup of tea?

Keep talking to us.

springbabydays · 09/07/2014 16:39

happy please tell us you're ok honey. This is just a blip and you'll be on an even keel again soon. Have you been to see gp yet? X

Mini05 · 09/07/2014 16:50

Happy
What did the doctor say? Have far along are you? Also have you managed to speak to anybody yet?

You were postive this morning, it's thinking that's doing it push the thinking away!! Deal with the here and now moment

captainmummy · 09/07/2014 17:04

Happy if your DC have no one, they will go into care. If you are not around then he may be able to persuade a judge that he is no danger to anyone else (only you) and get a reduced sentence, owing to his kids needing him. !
Go back to the doctor, change your anti depressants. You don't need to feel like this, he is not worth it. If you take your own life, now, now that you actually have a hope of a life worth living, then he'll have beaten you. For the last and final time.
And your unborn will never even get a chance at life, or laughter.

fusspot66 · 09/07/2014 18:06

Dear Happy, he was so so wrong to prevent you from getting medical treatment (your ADs). One day very soon all this emotional and physical cruelty will behind you. What a brute. You deserve some happiness. Flowers

Wickeddevil · 09/07/2014 19:31

Happy how are you doing ?
Post if you want to.
Sending you love and strength

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 09/07/2014 20:12

I am ok
I don't feel I can post at the moment but I am alive
Thank u for support x

OP posts:
GarlicJulyKit · 09/07/2014 20:15

Stay alive, darling. Love your kids. Love yourself. You're worth it. xx

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2014 20:20

Thanks and a ((hug))

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 09/07/2014 20:20

Childminder said that I shouldn't have dc tonight and she will have them
If she thinks that too then it is true that I am not good enough for my babies
I am 11 weeks nearly 12 and I am not good enough for this
I should if stayed with him I feel sick

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 09/07/2014 20:24

You need to call your crisis line Happy. Get some help through these bad times.

GarlicJulyKit · 09/07/2014 20:27

Perhaps your childminder isn't judging you. Perhaps she's being a friend? Giving you a night of peace and quiet, to catch up on yourself.

If you didn't manage to get to the doctor and call SARC today, do it tomorrow. The SARC helpline should be open at night, plus there's Samaritans.

Do you need an ambulance? If so, don't be afraid to ring. Most abusers manage to damage our mental health, then tell us we're not fit parents because of it. They're lying. Millions of parents have mental health issues, have help with that, and parent happy children.

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2014 20:31

Childminder just wants to give you some space now she knows some of what you have been through. She is helping.

You know you shouldn't have stayed with him. He was hurting you and (even if you're struggling to love yourself right now) he was hurting your children. There are so many people on this site who have lived through domestic violence with their parents, and ended up so messed up. You have rescued your children. You have rescued yourself. You have been brave, but the things he did have consequences and that's what you're dealing with now. It's not your fault - he did those things and you are living with the consequences. It's messed your head up a bit, and things will take time to heal, sweetie.

But there is so much hope too. Something inside was strong enough to leave and that spark in your soul is still there. It's always been there. You need to believe in it, the feisty bit of you that has made this escape to freedom.

springbabydays · 09/07/2014 20:33

No way sweetheart you should NOT have stayed with him! You control your destiny now, not him.

You just need to get through this period, you'll be out the other side and be glad you held strong!

Just imagine for a moment that we're all in the room with you, giving you hugs and talking you through all this. It's what's happening anyway, we're just not able to give those hugs physically.

Please try for a moment to really feel those hugs and hear these words as best you can. We truly care x

Wickeddevil · 09/07/2014 20:34

You would not be better with him, and your children will be proud if you for taking steps to protect them and provide them with love and care.
And you deserve love and care too. You are sooooo worth it.

scottishmummy · 09/07/2014 20:37

Get a urgent appt with your cmht,talk to psychiatrist and team
His inappropriate behaviours can be raised as a safeguarding issue,you'll be supported
It's scary to think of change,but let team he you