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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 02/07/2014 23:09

Happy tears here too Happy Smile

What a lovely post. Keep taking all the help you can get. You've had small glimpse of how your life is going to be, that glimpse will grow and become your daily, normal reality.

Well done sweetheart, bloody brilliant Flowers and (((((hugs)))))

hellsbellsmelons · 02/07/2014 23:11

That is a fantastic update.
No it won't be easy. You will have down days.
But you know you can do this and it's been amazing to see you get stronger and stronger.
Keep going. Keep taking all the support you can.
Here's to your new life without him.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/07/2014 23:25

Happy you are brave, and wonderful. I know you won't believe me, but it's really obvious from this view.

You've done SO much, in so little time, and accomplished this when you feel so bad, so ripped apart and scared. Bloody hell, you take my breath away, I'm so proud of you Flowers

I'm so glad you got a glimpse of how you will feel when you're free. Take heart from it and keep aiming at there, it's a good place to be. You'll feel low again too, and I hope you can turn to your sister, WA, mumsnet etc when you feel like you can't carry on, and let us support you, we really really want to help. You're worth so much, your children are blessed to have such a mummy.

Take care x

biscuiteer · 03/07/2014 01:46

Well done, you are an incredibly strong woman Happy. So good to read your last update.

I wanted to de-lurk from silently willing you on, to just saying wow, you did it. Everyone is willing you to take each stronger step forward to a safe future with your dc, and you have real support to do that now.

You will have moments of doubt but you can and will do this. You're doing it.

Agree, the support you have had here has been just wonderful, and it's important to keep using the DV support around you now. You don't have to survive alone any more x

43percentburnt · 03/07/2014 06:32

Happy you have done amazing. Your children are lucky to have such a brave mummy.

Please press charges against him, he is a vile human being. Don't worry about the impact on his job, friends, family etc, just press charges.

Please report everything to professionals, you will need all this at a later date to minimise his contact with your children. You may be able to push for a contact centre, I am sure people on mumsnet will have an idea whether this would be feasible. But keep the texts and emails as evidence.

You are doing so well. Keep talking to us. If and when you wobble again post here or on chat or wherever, occupy your mind!

Xxxxx

MerryMarigold · 03/07/2014 10:06

Smile That was a lovely post, Happy.

I knew from your name that you have so much positivity inside you. To have a username like that when you were in such a terrible place. With freedom and a lack of fear, I believe you can only do amazing things. Be an incredible Mum, and who knows what else is there waiting for you in the future! I for one, am excited for you. I hope you stay on MN and that one day, when this is in the past, you will have wise words for others in your situation.

Go, HappyLandSpaceMan!!!

(And in any dark moments -I'm sure they will come and go- treasure and remember and savour the amazing moments you have already felt).

LumpySpacedPrincess · 04/07/2014 07:40

Morning happy, I hope you are staying safe and strong.

Back2Two · 04/07/2014 07:43

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Back2Two · 04/07/2014 21:37

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tipsytrifle · 04/07/2014 22:28

ohhh Happy .. your post at 16:45:08 made me giddy with pure Joy!

You're amazing. Don't look back and not for a while ... looking forward is the way to be. But you can peep at what a heroine you have become. A warrior extraordinaire. An awesome Woman.

In time you can look back and we'll all remind you of the dot of non-existence where you started. And you'll smile in denial, i hope ...

Total thumbs up to you, gorgeous Happy. Make that almost irritating song your new mantra rather than the old shit, eh?? Ha!

kaykayblue · 05/07/2014 09:53

Morning Happy - I was so happy to see an update from you, and even happier to see you feeling so strong! There will be some dark times ahead, but they will always be followed by good times, because...you are free!!

You have done so incredibly well. Think about at the very beginning when you couldn't bring yourself to call women's aid - and now you are going to meet with dv officers and the police and all sorts! It's truly incredible to see how much you have grown in such a short space of time.

Both you and your children are going to have such such better lives from now on. I'm so so happy for you.

springbabydays · 05/07/2014 10:27

How are you today happy?

Still thinking of you lots and hoping things continue to improve.

MerryMarigold · 05/07/2014 12:23

Hope all is well with you, Happy. Life must be busy. There's a lot going on in practical terms, and inside you. Take care.

Mini05 · 05/07/2014 19:00

Didn't happy say she was moving into her new flat on the 5th July?
Or I'm I getting mixed up?

HappyLandSpaceMan · 05/07/2014 20:20

Hello
I am in new flat dc are ok. I am not very well and it's taking a lot of effort to write this, but I didn't want to just ignore everyone
Thank u for messages

OP posts:
springbabydays · 05/07/2014 20:26

Oh happy moving is a stressful time, even in the best of circumstances. Don't feel bad for feeling bad!

Take it easy as much as possible. So much has changed for you in a short time.

Thank you for updating us, it's great to hear from you. Always here when you need us x

GarlicJulyKit · 05/07/2014 20:49

Thank you for updating, even at such a stressful time Happy Flowers

You've been - and are going - through huge changes; so are your children. Just take it steady, one step at a time. And do lots of lovely things! Mooching around in the park, feeding the ducks, pizza & a DVD ... all good stuff :)

Wishing you a restful night and a relaxed Sunday.

myroomisatip · 05/07/2014 20:56

We are all still here ready to support you Happy.

You have done amazingly well and have been very brave. Flowers

captainmummy · 05/07/2014 20:57

Happy I am glad you're safe in your new flat - and I hope ex doesn't know where you are?

Are you accessing all the RL help you can?

HappyLandSpaceMan · 05/07/2014 22:08

He is being kept in until court date
I am going to register with new gp on Monday
I don't know if I can keep posting on here I feel so scared and so tired of everything, I feel ready to be gone, I can't face what's next and I feel bad that I am not better yet,
I'm sorry

OP posts:
HappyLandSpaceMan · 05/07/2014 22:25

Just suicidal now

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 05/07/2014 22:27

Phonecall to the Samaritans.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 05/07/2014 22:37

Oh love, Samaritans is a good idea I think?

You have been through actual hell, and you are doing so so well fighting for yourself and your children to try and get out of this awful awful situation. And you've used all your resilience and strength up and you're not seeing the benefit yet - it really is darkest before dawn.

Hang on sweetie, you're doing a brilliant job, and things will start to be a bit better soon, just hang on xxxx

I know I don't know you, but from the little you've said, I can tell you are bloody brave, and you deserve better, you're heading towards better, through the big steps you've taken, I think you're great.

Don't give up now, you're so close. I wish I could give you a very gentle very respectful hug. Don't feel bad about needing support, anyone would, and you deserve to be supported xxx

springbabydays · 05/07/2014 22:37

It's such early days yet though honey, you just need to hang on in there till the good days outnumber the bad. You WILL get there!

Glad to hear the ex is being kept in. Of course you still have all of this to think about for the time being, but maybe try to keep it at a certain distance - just out of reach so you can try to feel better till it's all done with. Do you have a court date yet?

I'll say it again, don't feel bad for feeling bad. If you need a rest from mn then that's ok - but don't forget that we're here for you whenever you need us. But please ensure you're getting support from SOMEWHERE. If you'd prefer to pm then I for one would love to hear from you that way.

One thing you might not have thought of. Your journey is at this very moment inspiring other women reading this board, who feel they are in an impossible situation. You have been strong and brave and resourceful. Don't forget how brilliant you are!

GarlicJulyKit · 05/07/2014 23:07

Happy, you're too young to remember watching the Berlin Wall come down at the end of 1989. East German border guards, whose job had been to kill anyone trying to cross that wall, had also been its prisoners. To cross the wall meant death. Few East Berliners imagined it could ever come down - it was a wall around their lives, and had been for 28 years.

For the demolition, West Berlin had a huge party. People came along to help chip out the bricks, take souvenirs, and generally be amazed that this thing was finally going. On the East German side, it was as though nobody really believed what was happening. The BBC had an amazing long shot of one young soldier, standing on the rubble, looking ... lost. The first Eastern Bloc cars (Trabants, I think,) rolled over the border and their occupants looked, not jubilant, but dazed.

I couldn't find the specific images that stuck in my mind, but I'm posting these for you. Do the border guards look excited? Have they jumped down to join the West Berliners' impromptu bierfest? Nope! They're just standing there, looking awkward, thinking "Eh? What happens now?"

They did jump down, later, and joined the party. You will, too. But cut yourself some slack: your world's changed, you're outside the 'wall', and you're in shock.

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