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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
myroomisatip · 30/06/2014 10:19

How are you today?

springbabydays · 30/06/2014 19:34

How are you today sweetheart? Are you keeping in touch with work? Hope they're being understanding. Thinking of you still.

Mini05 · 30/06/2014 23:48

Do you think she's gone back!!! Aghhh hope not, and hope she's busy with sister. It would be so sad if she as, all that effort

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 01/07/2014 00:42

Hi Happy

I've only just seen this thread, but I just wanted to pile in with a big hug and all of my admiration for you for what you've done for your children. You're clearly scared (anyone would be) but you've gritted your teeth and got your babies away, and that is the most important thing you can do. You are a wonderful mother.

And don't worry about not knowing how to do things - this is MN! People on here will talk you through anything from buying a toaster to making an easter bonnet :)

Please let us all know how you are doing x

LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/07/2014 07:33

Morning happy. I hope you are well and I hope you are safe. One day at a time.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 01/07/2014 20:48

Hello everyone sorry I didn't post I am trying to get better , dc are ok but I am thinking of getting my sister to
Have them with her but I don't know I just feel a bit numb

OP posts:
GarlicJulyKit · 01/07/2014 20:50

You can expect yourself to be in shock, Happy. That's what the 'numb' feeling is. I'm so pleased to hear from you! Thanks :)

You really need to be getting support. Do you have a Women's Aid contact, and have you talked to a doctor? Victim Support may be helpful, too, though I know they vary a lot by region.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 01/07/2014 22:04

I just want to be gone I just want to sleep and not wake up

OP posts:
springbabydays · 01/07/2014 22:34

Thanks for updating us happy

Did you keep that appointment with the DV officer in the end? If not, could you touch base again?

I hope you're getting support from as many places as possible. I know I'm feeling pretty helpless (although I know you appreciate our messages). I'd really like to think you're getting practical help from those who can provide it.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 02/07/2014 05:42

Like spring says, I hope you are getting the real life support you need. It's so hard but you need to stay functional if you can. You will feel numb but keep going through the motions for your kids and your own well being. Then one day you'll find yourself smiling and realise the numbness has worn off.

You must talk to someone in real life about how you're feeling.

Stay strong happy.

captainmummy · 02/07/2014 07:59

Your dc will not be better off with your sister, happy, no matter how much she loves them or they her.

You are their mum, you have been through so much for them, you can't leave them now. Now, when you are on the path to happiness and calm and peace, why would you want to leave that? It will be no harder, practically, than staying with that bully. And much easier, mentally, physically, emotionally

hellsbellsmelons · 02/07/2014 09:23

Please don't beleive for a minute that your DC will be happier with your sister.
For a start, she won't get custody.
Your vile abusive Ex will be granted custody as the bio dad.

Right now you are going through so much turmoil you can't see straight and that is totally understandable.
The clouds will lift though and you will be stronger and better.
It will take time so please don't think everything will OK straight away.
Just get through each day doing your best for now.
Enlist all the support you can. GP, WA, CAB, SS....
They can all help you and your DC.

You deserve such happiness so keep going.
You will get there!

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/07/2014 09:30

Happy - once you are through this you WILL be glad you are waking up every day. Take it from people who have been through this and come out the other side. You are still so so young and have so much to give your kids that has been stamped down inside of you.

You WILL blossom. You just need to take things slowly.

MerryMarigold · 02/07/2014 14:40

Happy, thanks for letting us know you are (relatively) ok. Please allow those to help, to help. Call any numbers you have been given, if you need to. Hang in there, because it's going to get better. You have so much in front of you...kids who will admire and respect you for what you've done, the ability to work and be productive, eyes to see and ears to hear. If you feel overwhelmed, try and concentrate on something small like how the pillow feels underneath your head. Think about that for a few minutes and then what the sun looks like coming in the window. Concentrate on small things. You are amazing inside, and you have been waiting to escape so you could blossom. This is your time, happy.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 02/07/2014 16:45

I am better than I have been in years today. It is an amazing if overwhelming feeling.
I woke up and I had no feeling of dread or sadness, I felt freedom in who I am and the life I have. I am so grateful and blessed that I have my absolutely beautiful dc, I am healthy, I am free from being hurt by him.
You have all been such big blessings to me.
I went back to the flat with the dv officer, she is lovely and I did meet with her at the beginning of the week, she has arranged so many things for me. I spent a few hours packing up our things. Dd was so excited to see her craft stuff. I am ready to move onto the next part of my life without him.
I am not under delusions that it's all going to be easy from now but I do feel able to cope. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. You have all been friends to me when I had no one.

OP posts:
adaorarda · 02/07/2014 16:48

i'm so happy things feel better now Happy. it will get even better from here. may you be richly blessed.

teaandthorazine · 02/07/2014 16:48

Best post EVER Grin Thanks

You are a star. Well done. Just keep going, putting one foot in front of the other. Take all the help and all the time you need.

springbabydays · 02/07/2014 17:11

Aww this is amazing happy! I was already welling up at merry's post and then yours popped up.

Hope you're allowing yourself lots of big smiles today. I'm smiling for you right now!

Grin
LumpySpacedPrincess · 02/07/2014 17:11

Happy, your post has made me so happy. Just keep on walking down that road to freedom. It really does get better when the fog clears.

Just wait till you get to the "why the hell did I put up with that crap" stage. Grin

GarlicJulyKit · 02/07/2014 17:28

Oh, Happy, you've made me all teary! Flowers In a good way, obviously.

It's VERY reassuring to hear you are accessing, and getting, the right kinds of support. Part of learning to be free, is learning to accept kindness ... that's a great thought, isn't it?

Stay cool, and enjoy your new peace :)

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/07/2014 17:39

Nice one Happy. See - I was right!

Now enjoy.

Sherlockholmes221b · 02/07/2014 19:06

Well done Happy, that was such a positive post. I'm sure there will be dark days, it's bound to be two steps forward one step back, you've had to put up with so much sh/t the panic attacks, SH etc won't go away over night but you are starting to feel how positive a life without fear and pain could be. Keep moving in the right direction.

Aoifebelle · 02/07/2014 19:27

Been lurking, but so amazed at what you have managed to achieve in such a short time. You are the definition of mamma tiger. Your kids are lucky to have you.

captainmummy · 02/07/2014 19:37

Happy = you have come so far in such a short space of time. most posters take ages to realise what's going on, then ages to do anything, then ages agonising about what they need to do....

You've just done it, (well done you!) and you will be so much better off, so much sooner. You have your new flat to look forward to, to decorate and make it how you want it. You don't need to tiptoe round anyone, to dread the key in the lock, to wonder what sort of mood he's in, to dread finding [more] evidence of his cheating on you...

I hope the rape-case is progressing? I do hope he is being taken to court to be locked up and the key thrown far far away

imip · 02/07/2014 21:24

Onwards and upwards Happy Thanks (xxx)