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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
Mini05 · 26/06/2014 23:36

I was I was there happy to see you through this! I'd knock his fucking head off!
Happy, we are here all if us. We will help you step by step your not on your own

He is so cruel please make yourself a drink of tea with plenty of sugar in
Try to get yourself a little bit more in control so you can ring the police
Please do this you have to help yourself now.
Do not answer any calls or emails from him, please don't be tempted

Please come back on and let us know how you are

imip · 27/06/2014 06:18

Happy, how are you now. I do hope you have rung the police. The d&v officer, perhaps.

Am I right in thinking that if he raped you and you reported it, he'd be arrested straight away? A clear chance for you to get your stuff from your house and set up your new home with your children.

lurkingmurking · 27/06/2014 06:40

Oh god Happy. Please please call the police and then move hotels.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/06/2014 06:51

I hope you have called the police happy. Sad

myroomisatip · 27/06/2014 07:17

I hope you can call the police, at least the D.V. section that you have already spoken to. How did he find you? That is very worrying. :(

Tonicandgin · 27/06/2014 07:39

Morning Happy-I've been thinking about you. I really hope you managed to call the police last night and agree with pp - move hotels.

Keep posting-we're all here with you xx

hellsbellsmelons · 27/06/2014 08:58

What an awful update.
I hope you called the police.
If he ever re-appears, contact them immediately.
Do NOT let him iNtimidate you.
If he knocks on the door then you tell him you have dialled 999 and they are on their way.
You need to start protecting yourself here.
Make sure the police know everything about what he did to you last night.
Get pictures as evidence.
Talk to the DV unit and contact Womens Aid and give them an update.
I honestly cannot imagine what you must be going through right.
But the police are there to help you get this disgusting person out of your life - use them as much as you can and get all the support you can.
Thanks for you and if I could I would give you loads of ((((((HUGS)))))

andsmile · 27/06/2014 09:42

Oooo happy
Try to get some evidence ring police, they have special doctors and WC's ask for these. They have helped women like you before.

You mentioned dreams about rape up thread, I did wonder f you needed medical help back then but you were focussing on getting away from the house and I didnt want to overload you.

Lots of hugs and strength. Please ring WA or Police - take that help.

Sherlockholmes221b · 27/06/2014 09:56

I read your update last night Happy and have been thinking about you ever since. I hope you're okay x

cjelh · 27/06/2014 13:31

Morning HAPPY, Hope you managed some peace last night. How are you today?x

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 27/06/2014 13:36

Hi everyone
I called the police and went in for an interview and they did a horrible physical exam. I am with dc today we are going to stay somewhere else. They have arrested him, I just feel numb and disgusting. Thank you for your messages and support

OP posts:
Tonicandgin · 27/06/2014 13:39

You are truly amazing! Well done, I'm so so proud of you.

You are not disgusting, you are incredible. Keep posting and stay strong.

myroomisatip · 27/06/2014 13:43

I am so glad you found the courage to report him. You are not disgusting, you have done very well and hopefully that will be the last you see of him.

Happy how did he manage to find you? Will the police tell you if they have to release him at some point?

whitsernam · 27/06/2014 13:46

I am so relieved that you went to the police; the first thing I have done this morning is to check your thread!! Happy, you do not have to keep living with this. Do keep working with the domestic violence unit and getting support here, and Womens Aid, etc. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this alone.
You are NOT disgusting. HE is disgusting. HE makes you feel this way. But this is not forever; you can move on from this. It will take time and you have to keep telling people what goes on and getting help. You do this for yourself, and especially for those beautiful children.
Hang in there! You're still alive, and I am so glad for that. Your children need you so much. Keep being brave, because that is what you are and how you called police and went in. That is what it takes, and you do have it in you.

captainmummy · 27/06/2014 13:50

Thank goodness you have been to the police. Thank God they have arrested him - hopefully they'll show him that he just cannot do that. He is a RAPIST and will now be treated as such. (good!) I bet he can't beleive his little punchbag, his possession, his skivvy/slave, has found herself! That she is strong enough to actually stand up for herself! Thanks for you!

They needed to do the exam on you to get evidence - that evidence will hopefully put him away for several years. (again - good! It's what he deserves - he'll soon find that it's only women he can intimidate and hurt!)

I'm glad you are moving on, it's the safest thing to do. Do you know how he found you?

GarlicJunoWho · 27/06/2014 13:52

Oh, Happy, well done!!!

He's disgusting, not you. No need to carry HIS shame.

You're doing absolutely the right things, and are now well on your way to a better & more stable life with your children. Please take up the support you're offered - and keep in touch, we're all sending you best wishes!

hellsbellsmelons · 27/06/2014 13:52

Thank god for your update.
You did totally the right thing.
So pleased the police have arrested him.
Hopefully that will scare him and he will get the message that you are serious about leaving and won't put up with his shit anymore.

You are allowed to feel numb but please try not to feel dirty.
He is the dirty disgusting bastard here. Exerting force, physical violence and rape onto a woman.

I am so raging on your behalf that if I knew who he was and saw him I'd not be responsible for what I did to him.

Spend some quality time with your DC and stay safe.
Call 999 if there is anything at all that he does.
Anything! Keep texts or emails as evidence.

You're still doing so great. Try to find the anger. It may take a while but it will keep you going.

cjelh · 27/06/2014 13:53

Hello HAPPY. What you are doing is amazing. Do you have someone with you?x

Sherlockholmes221b · 27/06/2014 15:09

Well done Happy. What you are doing takes a lot of courage and inner strength, the more you find and flex that inner strength the stronger it will become.
This man is vile, I'm shocked that he thought he could track you down, assault and rape you with no repercussions, he is about to get a rude awakening. I'm sure you feel terrified that he might hurt you again but now you have the law on your side and hopefully they are pulling out all the stops to keep you safe. If you were still with him, or went back to him, he would definitely hurt you again. You have to be strong now this is a chance to live your life without the constant fear and abuse you have become conditioned to accept.

lurkingmurking · 27/06/2014 16:15

Oh Happy I'm so pleased to read that you went to the police. What an utter scumbag he is

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/06/2014 16:27

That was so brave of you happy.

Panadbois · 27/06/2014 19:07

Sending you lots of love. You have been so brave.

Just think, the only way is up now. Take baby steps and you will be safe and happy again.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 27/06/2014 19:07

I want to just be gone I feel tired of it all
He always catches me up always

OP posts:
Sherlockholmes221b · 27/06/2014 19:45

Hang in there Happy, he might seem all powerful to you at the moment but believe me he isn't, you are taking the first steps to freeing yourself from this monster. I understand why you feel life isn't worth living but you're starting a new chapter for yourself and your children, it won't be easy, but you will eventually be able to live without the constant fear and dread you're living with now. Being abused physically and mentally for over six years is bound to wear you down but now is not the time to throw in the towel, now you have broken free and can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel keep moving forward and things will begin to get better.

fusspot66 · 27/06/2014 19:46

Dear Happy,
The Law have caught up with HIM this time. You are so brave. Try to rest, try to eat something.