This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Happy, they all threaten to kill themselves, it's in the abuser's script. He has absolutely no intention whatsoever of harming himself. Harming you, on the other hand... that he'll always be quite happy to do.

Interesting how, in this supposedly apologetic phone call, he ended up shouting at you, isn't it?

Oh, and assuming you haven't already, I would be wary of watching the programme linked to down thread - it is brilliant but it would probably not be great viewing for you right now. Please don't think I'm bring patronising but tbh I couldn't sleep last night after watching it - it is harrowing.

I think next on the script is 'I've changed'
The suicide threat is an incredibly hard one to deal with, I turned it back to his mum. I had his friends pressuring me to 'do whatever to stop him'. But I didn't I left it as his choice and with his parents to support him. It wasn't my job anymore.

Well done on staying so strong

Hi Happy
Saw this on facebook and immediately thought of you.
Hope it's going well this evening.

Strength doesn't come from what you can do
It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't

You are doing so many thing you though you would never be able to do.
RESPECT.
Keep going.

Its part of the script love. I know because I've been there. Don't be sucked back into it.

You are not responsible for his health or happiness.

I really want to cut myself and I can't stop panicking
It's easier to just be with him it's predictable then

It's hard sweetheart, I really understand but you owe yourself and your kids so much more. He has done this to you, he is poison.

Did you say up thread that you were having help from a mental health team? Have you told anyone in real life that you cut?

What advise do they give you to overcome the urge. Keep breathing and find a mantra.

"I am strong and I'm getting stronger every day"

Here's a saying that you can say everyday,say it out loud. I read about it years ago and it is something I have used over and over again when I have been going through difficult times.

Everyday in every way I am getting better and better

HAppy

So when your with him, what does HE do for you when you panic?
I bet nothing!
It's because your frightened being on your own for the first time in 6 years that's all.

What's would be predictable that he'd do for you ?

You really could do with WA now or your MH worker to help you with the thoughts going round your head, there just thoughts Happy they can't hurt you.

Start singing or playing with the little ones anything to take your mind from then

Thoughts! That's all they are.

I won't go back to him I called him on private because he said he was going to hurt himself, I can't have that on my conscience.

Yes, that's a known tactic to get you to respond.

Please don't keep falling for this nonsense. He will go through a range of tactics to try and get you back into his clutches and then you will pay for this little escape attempt. It's what they do.

Dc are at childminders because I was out viewing flats but I might ask her to do overnight care for tonight as I think I need to go to a and e I am feeling so suicidal
I can't really think straight it is scary

You need real life help right now my love. Call the childminders and get yourself to a and e. Your kids need you and only you sweetheart. Do what it takes to make yourself strong.

For what it's worth I felt very similar when I left my ex. They take over every part of you so you are barely able to function. But guess what, you can function a hell of a lot better without them.

I have never looked back and now am considered a strong independent person.

Right now you need real life help for you.

I hope you are on your way to A&E. If you're feeling that you want to cut yourself I've heard that holding ice cubes can help with the urge... might help you calm down? Good luck.

Can I call ambulance for a cut or should I go in a taxi I can't drive with it like this I feel a bit shaky

Happy just call an ambulance and get yourself to a hospital love.

Call an ambulance love.

Yes, I hope you've called them and will be looked after for the night.

You are doing GREAT, I really mean that!!

I'm hoping that you have gone to A&E ...

So for when you return, calmer, healing and exhausted with fighting against yourself ....

Sometimes we have to take karma on, let it have its notch on our soul for a greater good. If it exists. Some say all karma was cancelled anyway. When you said :

he was going to hurt himself, I can't have that on my conscience

Yes, you can accept this onto your conscience. Because you know what? He's winding you up! Let him have his own free will to choose. He chooses to manipulate you into taking on his domination and hurt yourself for rejecting his abuse ....

Now it's time to exert your own free will ... try it on for size, dear heart. The universe will forgive anything you do to save yourself and your dc

Happy.I hope you have some company this evening. Remember that your bad feelings are feelings and will always pass. Your mood will always lift and you will always feel better.x

Oh Happy I hope you are ok

In time you'll learn better coping strategies than cutting yourself, but you've done the right thing by going to A&E
And sorting your dc tonight

It will get better my lovely, it can ONLY get better

Keep strong

Happy. I really truly hope you are okay. Not a lot of people understand how you feel, I know that all people posting here want to help. You must believe that you are strong. You are amazingly strong. You know why? Because you have survived so much.

Please take care of yourself. Get help from wherever and whoever you can.

You will make it and life will become happy and normal. Do not speak to him. I went NC with my Ex for two weeks. It is not long to begin to think straight and do not worry, he will not harm himself. He is just using that to manipulate you. You have done so well and come so far. Just keep going. That light is there at the end of the tunnel.

Happy- they ALL threaten suicide or self harm, and they are all still there, years later, still being complete dicks .

And for gods sake, remember that if anything happens to you, 'care' of your dc goes straight to HIM! Not to your aunt, or anyone who will care about their mental, physical upbringing. No. To HIM. He's their father - do you think anyone will contest him? It would be a court battle to prove he is unfit - who'd do that?

Please think of them. You are doing so well. You can do this, it gets easier!

Hope you're ok happy I'm glad you're getting such wonderful support on here, I hope you're getting some in rl too.

Morning happy. Hoping you got yourself some real life support last night.