Week from hell. I think DH has lost the plot.

[Fideliney]

He seems to be saying today that he would rather divorce than curb his hoard, but he's flip-flopping a lot.

Any hoarding widows about who can help me decode this escalating mess?

The background is a shit year of ill health and various stresses. The hoarding has been spiralling. Exhausted and at a bit of a loss

"I feel like I have captured a lesser spotted eccentric bachelor and tried to force it to live in captivity"

OP, sometimes that is the way of it. Some people are just not suited and there's not much you can do about it, I'm afraid. I would have run into this myself, of that I'm sure. :(

Of course it's manipulation, it just depends very much on why he manipulates in this way whether you run, push, help or hide.

Have a good weekend.

How about you write him a letter stating he MUST seek medical attention for his hoarding. Attach a sheet of information on hoarding which declares that it is a serious health issue. Write at the top of the sheet. THIS IS YOU

No work related issues are going to he affected by his hoarding problems and not medical insurance either.

Agree with the first part.
Would ask your owndoctor, dont even say who you are asking on behalf of, about the second paragraph. And that way there is no chance that anything gets onto his record. So he cant object to that.

Dont necessarily agree about leaving him. I wouldnt. But I admit it must be difficult to live with.
Think mumsnetters as a whole are far to keen to leave their husbands, or perhaps tell others to.

I see so the scale of the problem has only really just hit.

Do you think you can cope with him and the hoarding on top of everything else?

You weren't aware of the full extent of his problems before marriage, and he has no right to guilt you into keeping him on, hoard and all. It would be perfectly fair to give him an ultimatum: admit, get help or it's over.

As I said before £500/m could pay for a helluva lot of therapy. And of course if he went privately it could be kept off his medical records.

A lot depends on his actions this week. At least things have come to a head.

Thanks all. Enoy your weekends.

Have a good one!

Have a good, thoughtful, weekend, OP. But I still say, you have to call it a day on this relationship. He will not change. Save yourself and your children.

He might change. It's not impossible. Just very unlikely and certainly very unlikely without some massive kick up the arse.

You can't talk in generalities - I don't agree people are always or often quick here to tell people to leave. Each individual has to make their own choice and any knee jerk response of 'stay' or 'go' carries it's own dangers.

I think in the end it's quite simple. You are clear what you can tolerate. If your partner continually crosses over the boundaries of that tolerance I think you give them a time limited chance to change and if they can't or won't then the relationship has no other likely future other than to leave you bitter and unhappy down the line.

But I hope you get a chance to think over the weekend.

The point about MY boundaries is the key thing, of course.

I have cleared my head and set out my terms. We will see.

Thanks again all.

Good luck.

Whatever happens, I always think that as long as you don't make your choices based on fear, they will be the right choices, whether that means you stay or go.