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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i officially an idiot?

283 replies

lou33 · 05/09/2006 12:51

As some of you are aware, i split with exh in nov. I havent wanted any serious relationships, but am also not prepared to live like a nun, so i have had hook ups with people, where i made it clear that it was on my terms and just fun. There have been times when i felt the hook up was getting too attached so i have ended it there and then.

As some of you are also aware i have been seeing someone for the last month, and once again it started out with me saying it was nothing but fun, which it has been. However, last night i ended it with him, because i found myself starting to like him too much. I told him that as it was now starting to feel different to me, it wasnt fair on me or him to carry on seeing each other.

He says we should carry on having fun til he leaves next year to travel when he finishes the army, but i said the balance of the relationship is now not equal in my eyes.

We do have fun, we do get on, it's cheered me up enormously through a v difficult period of time, i like having him about at weekends. But i ended it. A male friend of mine last night said if i was a bloke he would call me a d*ckhead with the way i was behaving, that i was cutting my nose off to spite my face.

Soldier wants to still see me, but we wont this weekend, tho he has asked if he can come up overnight next weds to make up for it.

Am i being a twat or am i right to end it if my feelings have changed and i dont think his have?

Ugh at this!

OP posts:
lou33 · 05/09/2006 16:15

i always knew he was leaving the country

OP posts:
Sobernow · 05/09/2006 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 05/09/2006 16:32

i dont want him to rethink, not for me, it's a dream he has

OP posts:
Sobernow · 05/09/2006 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beetroot · 05/09/2006 16:35

Lou, you sounded like you were having fun when we spoke a few days ago.

I have to say I agree with expat.

You have told him that your feelings have developed in to MORE than a shag..he has not said so have mine etc. etc....so walk off now while you are not a quivering wreck!

expatinscotland · 05/09/2006 16:37

time to cut him loose then.

lou33 · 05/09/2006 17:01

ugh

OP posts:
lou33 · 05/09/2006 17:54

now he is telling me he hates me being unhappy

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 05/09/2006 17:58

well I'm going to go against the grain here and say, well, it sounds like you're both hooked already. will a few more months make any difference? (actually you might find out he is infact a total wanker in that time, so it won't be a dilemma). I don't see any evidence of the relationship being unequal either.

better to have loved and lost and all that.

noddyholder · 05/09/2006 18:01

I don't think you will be able to resist seeing him so am going to say have fun while it lasts and worry about tomorrow tomorrow Life is short so enjoy every day and 11 yrs younger is ok xx

lou33 · 05/09/2006 19:05

(confused emoticon)

OP posts:
mistressmiggins · 05/09/2006 20:16

expat speaks a lot of sense (as always)

it is hard though

dont know what to say - wish I did

Beetroot · 06/09/2006 18:55

How are you today lou?

lou33 · 07/09/2006 13:17

I told him to f*ck off last night

OP posts:
Beetroot · 07/09/2006 14:34

omg why. has it got nasty?

expatinscotland · 07/09/2006 14:40

if it wasn't working for ya, lou, and it's no longer fun, you're best finishing it now.

lou33 · 07/09/2006 16:57

i told him he was being a dickhead, and as i had no ties to him i didnt need to take any shit

i guess he wont be turning up here tonight!

OP posts:
Sobernow · 07/09/2006 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou33 · 07/09/2006 18:35

i'm watching a dvd, but he is trying to speak to me on msn

OP posts:
lou33 · 07/09/2006 22:44

so now he said sorry and it was all silly and sent me new pics of himself and asked me to call him tomorrow....

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/09/2006 11:00

am talking to myself now, but i think i am going to explore some other offers i have had and leave him be

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 08/09/2006 11:18

Just caught up with this Lou. Think you are right to walk away from this one. He is going his own way anyway & if you think you may be falling for him, then cut your emotional losses while you can. This way you stay in control.

expatinscotland · 08/09/2006 11:22

Um, yeah, who needs spats when you were just trying to have a bit of fun? IME, when it gets to that point, and all you really wanted was something casual, time to take up another offer.

I mean, it's nearly the weekend and all.

expatinscotland · 08/09/2006 11:23

Download the classic 80s 'Dead or Alive' song 'Brand New Lover'.

bluejelly · 08/09/2006 11:28

I know exactly how you feel Lou. Had similar thing with my ex. I ended it cos couldn't deal with the no strings thing anymore. Four weeks later he was ringing me up begging me to make a go of it in an official way.
We starting a proper relationship which only lasted a year but I learnt a lot and glad we did it.
I would walk away until he can offer you something more. If not then find someone who can. Good luck