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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i officially an idiot?

283 replies

lou33 · 05/09/2006 12:51

As some of you are aware, i split with exh in nov. I havent wanted any serious relationships, but am also not prepared to live like a nun, so i have had hook ups with people, where i made it clear that it was on my terms and just fun. There have been times when i felt the hook up was getting too attached so i have ended it there and then.

As some of you are also aware i have been seeing someone for the last month, and once again it started out with me saying it was nothing but fun, which it has been. However, last night i ended it with him, because i found myself starting to like him too much. I told him that as it was now starting to feel different to me, it wasnt fair on me or him to carry on seeing each other.

He says we should carry on having fun til he leaves next year to travel when he finishes the army, but i said the balance of the relationship is now not equal in my eyes.

We do have fun, we do get on, it's cheered me up enormously through a v difficult period of time, i like having him about at weekends. But i ended it. A male friend of mine last night said if i was a bloke he would call me a d*ckhead with the way i was behaving, that i was cutting my nose off to spite my face.

Soldier wants to still see me, but we wont this weekend, tho he has asked if he can come up overnight next weds to make up for it.

Am i being a twat or am i right to end it if my feelings have changed and i dont think his have?

Ugh at this!

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lou33 · 18/09/2006 22:59

he wont cancel now, we just had a conversation..

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handlemecarefully · 18/09/2006 22:59

Have you thought about not seeing anyone for a while - casually or otherwise?

You seem to need to have someone to hook up with. How about trying to be alone for a bit

I'm sorry - that sounds so bald and so crass, but I am genuinely trying to be helpful....

lou33 · 18/09/2006 23:00

but yeh i would be disappointed

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lou33 · 18/09/2006 23:02

not at all hmc

i was alone for the first 6m of the 10 i have been split, then i started seeing people casually on and off

its just got complicated with the soldier these last 6 weeks or so

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lou33 · 18/09/2006 23:03

and i dont feel bad about needing sex, so i dont take offence

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handlemecarefully · 18/09/2006 23:07

Ah you see that's why I don't understand your perspective (because I don't need sex). If you need sex, it makes more sense.

I was doing some crappy pop psychology and was wondering if you got your self esteem needs met from being desired by men, and needing the validation of having a man on tap.

It's much easier to understand if it's just a good old primal instinct of needing sex, and a healthy impulse it is too!

lou33 · 18/09/2006 23:25

lol yes it's not about needing to validate myself

i would like to find someone more permanent but in the meantime i have needs

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lou33 · 23/09/2006 15:50

he has come to see me today

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lou33 · 24/09/2006 18:33

he's gone now

we had fun

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LadyTophamHatt · 24/09/2006 18:38

"fun", eh lou??

ooo-errrr

as long as you're not going to get hurt or hurt anyone is all that matters really, isn't it?

lou33 · 24/09/2006 18:39

i guess so

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sunchowder · 26/09/2006 15:59

Is he going to come up and see you again? I hope so Lou! Life is too short.

lou33 · 27/09/2006 01:02

yes but i havent made plans

i'd like him to, but if not i have 3 or 4 others waiting in the wings

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lou33 · 29/09/2006 09:15

not seeing the soldier this weekend, so i have a date tonight and another one on monday lined up

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edam · 29/09/2006 09:19

Hey Lou, guess what? I got my provisional licence and have my first lesson this afternoon. Am soooo excited! The letter said the medical adviser wanted my licence to be reviewed in three years - fine by me but just wondering if that is standard wrt epilepsy. Did you have the same?

Thanks for the inspiration! And hope the dates go well. You are obviously a fox what with all these men after you.

lou33 · 29/09/2006 09:53

omg edam that is fabulous!!!!! yes my licence is for 3 yrs too but its just so they can check you havent had any seizures, it will be renewed if you havent

omg good luck with it all, please let me know how you get on!

thanks about tonight, i'm looking forward to this one more than monday, he is 32 and works in pr in london, irish

monday he is 25, lives not far from me, and a software developer

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edam · 29/09/2006 09:58

Well, hope Mr Friday is gorgeous and Mr Monday is even better.

Bless her, my nanny sorted out the lesson for me - I tried but her instructor didn't have any spaces evenings/weekends. She rang him up and made him take me! Has agreed to come and babysit on one of her days 'off' (ie not working for me) after the nursery she works at finishes for the day.

Let's just hope I don't make an idiot of myself during the lesson..

lou33 · 29/09/2006 10:12

you will come out of that lesson buzzing i am telling you! i remember my first one

i'm sure i will have fun on both dates, i am not expecting anything magical to happen, just having fun, and if the soldeier cant come see me then id ont see why i should stay in and weep

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edam · 29/09/2006 12:01

Hey Lou had to go out but want to say it's soldiers' loss (and tbh from what my army doc friend says, you don't know where they've been).

lou33 · 29/09/2006 12:44

i am still seeing him, he's been given the all clear on that front , lol

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lou33 · 30/09/2006 21:25

ok so the guy i was out with last night was really nice, we had a good time

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ninah · 30/09/2006 21:33

um didn't read the middle but know you from before and have been off mn a while So happy to see you moving on and sounding happier if not soldier then who knows but the main thing lou is that you sound in gen so upbeat and confident happy to hear this

lou33 · 30/09/2006 21:37

thanks ninah, i am, exh and i splitting has been v good for me

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ninah · 30/09/2006 21:50

Well it is v encouraging to hear. it is so nice to hear that you are so much happier.

lou33 · 30/09/2006 22:14
Smile
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