Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Hi all,
First time poster, am pleased a fellow boarder gave me a link!
Well I've come off pof as had 3 dates but all the guys seem to post old photos and are 20st heavier and years older than their pics. They ve also been quite shallow it seems in the flesh.
Just wanted advice on this though;
Met a guy from pof 4 weeks ago( before withdrawing profile), met for a drink, nice enough guy and very similar personalities /backgrounds etc.
But there was no physical attraction at all.
This is not unusual for me- my ex dh and long term partner before that- I was attracted to their personalities , their looks were ok but not great.

This guy has continued to text- even when I told him am happy to text as mates but nothing else as I think I need to stop looking for love an it may come- he's a nice guy........
Would you give up,or see him again? See what comes of it?
I did go along the lines in thinking this time around- maybe I need to find looks with an ok personailty as it didn't work before when I just went for personailty?!?! Help?!?

And finally, I got fed up with pof- an friends told me match a waste of time and money, an I don't really have money to waste on sites.. Should I give pof another try- is it a numbers game? The more you have a drink with eventually you find? Or when you stop looking it comes, what's your experiences please?? Thanks x

Blakey I know people can seem to grow on you, so someone with ok looks start to look a lot less unattractive after a few dates if they have a winning personality. I'm not certain that someone with just looks can grow an appealing personality. For me it has to be both. I have never been afraid to just pass over the average looking, they might float someones boat but not mine, then I weed out the bores and players, fish fanatics and cling-ons. Don't settle for someone just because they are there and available. We all deserve better than that.

I managed not to think about him for two hours then saw him on way home
I left five mins late and passed him on way home now feeling all tearful

Littlebluemouse thanks, I think that's where I decided am at, and think the guy just taking a chance it could grow.
But your right and I guess I'll know when I meet the one?!?!

Listen to Neil jesy. He has his head screwed on firmly the right way.

I too am grateful for this thread and thank folk for giving me the confidence to post on here
Date coming up on Wednesday. Really looking forward to it

I know but it's difficult I know it's over between us we just mates and I have to accept that.
But if I cut him out of my life I'll have no one

Have just read through all of the board, it's great to know I'm not on my own in the minefield of dating game , an that everyone has had their fair share of weird men texting/messaging/mucking around:-(
Why are they like it, someone wrote on a previous page about 50 yr olds looking like hell and wanting 20-30yr old- what is it with them punching above their weights?!?!
Anyway as I say I've come off any dating sites as I've got tired of it- an everytime I organised a date- when the time came I felt I couldn't be bothered but went anyway and was never sucessful:-(
Onwards an upwards huh

Believe me Blakey3166, it's NOT gender specific!!!

I must have been in denial about my needy side for my whole life unless dating just brings it out of me. The more I care about him and fall for him the more insecure I feel.

Surely it should be the other way around!!

Sorry neiljames, I know it's not gender specific.
My brother was on pof for a while and found a fair share of strange women too! But one of us on here has got to be the strange man or woman...... Eeek

I was same Giggly, the more I liked him the harder it got. My previous serious relationships have been where I wasn't as bothered as they were and I managed to keep them

I should just give up and be alone.....

Hi I'm 45, live in North Staffs, 2 DS 11 & 14

Split with exP in Dec after 6 years together - met him online in 2008. Devastated by the split, but I ended it after EA towards my boys! He made a reappearance in May briefly, messed with my head for 10 days then buggered off back to his girlfriend - wanker!

(ExH divorced 8 years ago! Very amicable, good mates, very supportive! Has our boys loads.He would like to get back together, but don't think I love him in the right way anymore)

Dabbled in OLD a bit around March/April - dated about 5 guys but heart not in it and then I met snakeskin trouser man and that just did it for me!

Having a break from OLD and trying to sell my house!

Why is it so difficult to meet someone?

I bet if we all met up for a meal and a drink, we would all find something in common, have stuff to share and talk about and like each other as people - most people are decent. I get on with most people, male and female!

So why can't people meet like minded people? There must be millions of people 35 - 55 that are single now after failed marriages, why can't I find one of them????

I'm attractive, good job, great sense of humour, I'm confident and have no self esteem issues, I have tons of friends who tell me I'm too lovely to be on my own. I go out, I chat to people and am interested in them!

So unless I do OLD my chances of meeting someone are even less!

Hello

I am 35 and have been with a chap I call 'Smallfeet' for about 7 months.

I have one dd aged 8yo and met Smallfeet via POF.

Things have generally gone quite well although still have doubts as to whether we will last in the long term. I find when we are together we get on really well but then when I don't see him for a few days lots of doubts creep in.

This is the longest relationship I have ever been in and I sort of feel if this doesn't work I will most likely stay single forever!!

girliefriend

"I find when we are together we get on really well but then when I don't see him for a few days lots of doubts creep in."

This is exactly how I am. I don't know how to control it. I haven't mentioned it to him as I expect he will think I am crazy or not get it as he says he has no doubts about me. Even if I didn't text all day he would just assume I was busy where I assume all sorts.

Yes its tricky giggly I don't mind him not texting although get very jittery if its longer than a day but its more that I start thinking 'can this last? Could we live together? Does he love me?'

Although I feel like he prob does he still hasn't said those 3 magic words!!

It is still early days for me but I wind myself up that I don't know how he feels about me really or if he sees it as a long term thing. Insecure!!

It doesn't make sense. I have met his parents and ex wife and kids so it isn't like he is keeping me out of his life. But I saw him on Saturday and due to both our jobs / plans we won't see each other until next Saturday and I miss him and just get more insecure as the week goes on. If he doesn't text for a long while I just convince myself that he doesn't notice that I am not there or doesn't think about me.

I know jarlin i think the 3 of us must have all met our chaps November time ish?

Can't believe its been 7 months really!!

Yes would be nice of things could be straight forward

It's nice to hear from everyone. I feel as if I know you all better now :)

My doubts go from over thinking everything. I keep worrying how I feel about mr nice isn't enough, then I tell myself to stop stressing about it, then I stop stressing and then i start stressing all over again. So even though I keep convincing myself to stop worrying I still am! I can't remember ever thinking this when I was younger.

I know it seems odd but I feel I haven't got time to waste as I'm just getting older and the choices of men are dwindling and if nothing's going to come of it then I have to decide now. Whereas In Reality I don't actually need to rush anything.
It's all very confusing.

Yep. November. 7 months and one week for me ;-)

It's bonkers to think it could make a year..!!

Hi all. posted occasionally in the past, lurked a lot. I met my bloke in the local pub. Although we were both on POF and Match, he never came up in searches as he was outside the age range that I had entered. He asked for my number, we went on a date and it went from there. He's not my usual type so would have discounted him from his profile but he's very different in RL.

It's been five months now with a few ups and downs but still seeing each other. He gets on well with DD, we've been away together with DD, We are both scared of getting hurt again which makes it difficult. This is my first relationship after two years on my own after XH left. I think if it doesn't work out then at least it's giving me the confidence to know that I can meet somebody.

I found with OLD that they either got cold feet before meeting or vanished after a few chats. Really hoping I don't have to try it again!

Feeling rubbish this morning
I'm so tired I'm not sleeping well I keep waking up and when I'm awake I wonder what's wrong with me. .
It's silly but when I was seeing him I was happy I had someone to share stuff with but now I'm alone I can feel myself getting low agsin and worry over little things.
I chatted to a bloke last night but I think he a player another is coming on to strong
Think I'd go mad if I hadn't got you lot
Crying again I don't want to leave my dog now that is stupid she well looked after and I need to work but I guess I'm just anxious
Part of me hopes I'll leave work on time so I don't see him but then I'd like to lol
Sorry to ramble

Awww Jesy I know exactly how you feel - I really do. 3 month on, I am still struggling to get over my exbf I have no advice just the usual platitudes, that all my friends are giving me. I was a complete mess when he got in touch this weekend, so definitely not over that chapter yet. Its tough and even when I have dated I have found I was too wrapped up in my ex and last relationship, so decided to give men and dating a rest.

Now I have a dilemma, I got a message from a guy last night (I'm still not sleeping) so started chatting. He was really easy to talk to and funny and he's keen to meet up. I know I'm not ready and still too hung up on ex, but do I say fook it and go anyway??? He ticks a lot of boxes but with my last dates instead of helping me last time it just brought all my feeling of my exbf to the fore. There is something about this one, maybe it was because he made me laugh.......argghh do I go or not ohh wise MN'ers

I'd say definitely go Forum, I'm same as you in that I just can't get into it with other men. Just go along and if he makes u laugh then it's all good !