Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Thanks everyone for your replies - they're really encouraging me to go for it!

So, how on earth do I write a profile about myself? I don't even know what my username should be (my current one is crap and I don't know if I'm able to change it even?). How did others find writing a profile?

I don't have any regrets over meeting Mr FB but I'm still curious as to why he stopped contacting me and I'm wondering if it was my body that put him off as it's far from perfect. Do guys expect perfection? I think I look ok with clothes on but I wonder if there's disappointment when I'm undressed.

Folk, I've really enjoyed reading about your relationship and love your honesty. You remind me of myself in so many ways and your story is encouraging me to get back into the dating scene. I think the advice posted above is spot on and I'm trying to take it on board re my own insecurities too.

single I used my first name, middle initial and year of my birth. I didn't like fancy/funny/witty usernames. I accidentally deleted my profile, or I'd have C&P'd it to you. I did get a lot of compliments on my profile and I didn't get much contact from tossers, so I think I filtered out a lot of the men who were just looking for sex...

Oh and thanks, I wish I could get outside of myself for a day and see myself how others seem to see me...

Oh god and I hope no one in RL has ever recognised me!!!

Before what about something like this in the light green. Baring in mind, the only other option is white and I'm very pale, quite freckly and have red hair...

Most of my underwear is from the M&S autograph range. I tend to wear silk and lace as a rule. And always matching (since I seperated from my husband and even though for many months I was on the only person who saw it...)

Blimey Folk, you've got me a roll here... sorry! I suppose I think that if he walked in to a bar and saw a woman and would describe her as sexy, would me being warm and soft and lovely be able to stand against that? Would he still choose me over that?

Errr, at the risk of stating the obvious... yes! He has chosen you and despite prior intentions he's fallen in love with you. It sounds like he could go out every weekend and find someone else that fits into your idea of who he should be with but he doesn't - he wants to be with you... If you trust him to make good life choices then trust him with choosing who he loves...

I bet he lusts after you - that's being sexy. If he says to you he "wants" you, that's sexy. If he says he "desires" you that's sexy. If he actively wants sex with you, that's being sexy.

This could well be a case of the 'grass is greener', when it's not. So many of those sexy women will want to be properly loved and wanted for what's inside but it rarely gets noticed.

I know which one I'd rather be.

That's funny - I'm an M&S girl too. They have really nice stuff and the range changes regularly. My undies are always matching now since I left XH. XH used to look at my eternally practical underwear with disdain - I certainly did myself a disservice on that front back in those days!

I love that set, Folk - I bet you'd feel fabulous in it too!

Before All my underwear is from M&S and a lot of it is that silk and lace Rosie stuff. I think I have had it in pretty much every colour!!

I do wear a few of the other ones too, but that range just seems to fit well.

The only thing is that, being an E (which isn't even that big!) means I end up with bras that looks like proper over the shoulder boulder holders. And that's not exactly sexy either.

But yes, it was the first promise I made myself when we seperated, that I would always wear matching underwear and it would always be nice.

I suppose I always feel like I'd be presentable in the event of a car crash... but no one's every going to look at me and think 'phwoar!'

So many of those sexy women will want to be properly loved and wanted for what's inside but it rarely gets noticed. I hadn't thought about that...

That M&S set is so pretty! I really need to upgrade ......

giggly I think I've spent more on underwear in the last 18 months than I have in my entire life!

And don't get me wrong, I do feel 'good' but I just don't, and haven't, felt sexy.

I think I'm going to get that set. I suppose I just worry about him looking at me and thinking I look ridiculous and thinking that I shouldn't have bothered.

Folk I don't do sexy. It just isn't possible and people just think I am sweet.

I wish I was the sort of person that wore matching underwear.

Folk get the set. Sure u will
Look stunning. I have replaced lots of my underwear too and wouldn't say I'm going to sexy but attractive and fanciable. I wouldn't think I'm sexy and agree with before's post much further down thread I'm aiming for a relationship where someone wants to be cuddled up in bed with me like that and says such heartfelt and genuine things about me.

Forget the lacy stuff, just get some proper knickers like Scarlett Johansson swans abojt in in Lost In Translation and you'll all be fine.

giggly being the sort of person who wears matching underwear is easy, to be fair. You just do it...

Being sexy is a whole different ball game.

I could probably get away with it, too, MadeMan if I looked like SJ...

That's it then, isn't it? There's no point even trying. I'm never going to look like her, or anyone else remotely attractive. So it's just a big joke to even try

So Folk, basically you're saying that this intelligent gorgeous attractive man who hangs out with cool, sexy, gorgeous women who float, never fart or poo and quaff champagne while giggling seductively with their flashing white teeth, cold-sore free luscious lips, long tanned legs and manes of dark glossy hair is forcing himself to be intimate and nice to you, in a polite kind of way?

Can you see how unlikely and wrong your hypothesis sounds not to mention a bit insulting to him? You need to reboot your brain in this area just like you've done with your self-esteem, just like you've done with making your life fulfilling and fun.

I've seen you suggest to others the power of positive thinking about actively changing your life such as "I am running" etc so you need to start doing this with your sexiness/desirability.

I will bet good money that he has a whole load of insecurities about feeling like an inadequate cliché against your innate rebellious cool... I really would!

Folk honestly please hear before's words I agree. I'm sure u are sexy in his eyes. Be happy in your own skin.

No, Before, not in a polite kind of way. More in a novelty, making an effort to reject his type kind of way. I suppose... Or a thinks he's no longer young or attractive enough (he's late 40s) to get that kind of woman anymore kind of way... But it's not even really about him. It's just how I feel about myself. Then I end up feeling like I need to end it and hide away so that I can't get hurt and can't hurt him. And then I get confused and lose sight of what the issue actually is anymore...

I don't know. This is what ends up happening every time I have this issue. Everything you're saying is making sense, and I think, "you know, she's right, I need to do that positive thinking thing...". But then I come back to what I see in the mirror and none of it makes sense again. I can't reconcile all of that with me.

I suppose I don't look massively different to this woman... but my thighs are a bit more wobbly, my bottom won't be as nice and my face isn't as attractive... But it's similar I can see that her tummy is probably grabbable when she's lying on her side.

Still need to lose that stone...

Do you know Folk, sometimes you just have to wallow and nothing else will do! I know how that feels. Tomorrow you may be able to think about some solutions to this because from where I'm standing you would be nuts to wreck your blossoming relationship - and it is still blossoming and it is flourishing.

Well I'm not surprised he's totally into you... if you even look a smidge like that woman and even with some added lumps and bumps he's incredibly lucky and you're incredibly sexy!

Well only look like her in as much as I have 'curves in the right places' but there's just a little bit too much of me... I don't look as good as her, but that's the sort of shape I am.

You're right. I think I do just need a wallow. I would be nuts and I know that. He emailed me late last night to suggest that we do something the next time we see each other for the weekend. He emailed me this morning to apologise and say that he'd forgotten momentarily that we already have plans for that weekend, but he's just really excited about doing what he suggested with me.

He is just lovely.

I'm going to have a glass of wine and watch The Woman in Black, I think.

Folk - Probably a lot of women that look 'really' model type good and perfect won't be available much to do anything with a man because outside of work they'll be too busy down the gym, the beauty salon/hairdressers, nail bar, clothes shops, in the bathroom exfoliating and rubbing in fake tan, etc, etc.

It's a lot of work to look bloody good all the time; I doubt most women wake up looking perfectly toned, tanned and gorgeous.

Love the fact that nobody has acknowledged italksense's post

I liked it!

Folk my sister is very curvy and has a bust I have always been hugely jealous of. She gets some amazing underwear sets from www.bravissimo.com that look incredibly sexy.

That's a nice idea BigBird but I'm probably not that curvy.

Tbh, the underwear thing is a bit of a red herring. That's not really the issue.

MadeMan I know what you're saying is right about that, but it doesn't help me. It doesn't make me any more attractive...

Right folks I need some advice!

Last night was date #2 with Mr Keen we went bowling and for a drink, he was very touchy-feely and saying lots of nice things so that an hour into the date I told him that he was trying too hard!! (it must be my age, as I just say it how it is now) anyway he agreed that he was being a bit 'full on' and after that he seemed to relax and was actually really good company. We spent 3 hours together chatting and laughing with an agreement for another date but nothing arranged.

So today I go to work and I'm talking about him to some colleagues, one of them (a young 23 yr old apprentice) asked me his full name and it appears that he has had an on/off relationship with this girls mum!! We were both a bit shocked. She said that he messed her mum around quite a lot. She started telling me things about him and was trying to make out he was lying but he had told me the same things too about his upbringing! No lies there! She also said that he still texts her mum quite a bit! She says her mum will be gutted that he's doing online dating - but they aren't together so what has it got to do with her??

Now my colleague (and her family) are a bit dysfunctional, they have all had some sort of mental health problems/tragedy over time. I'm not like that at all, I'm normal, stable and don't get wound up over situations.

But I don't know what to think now! 2 dates in and he seems genuine. Of course I still don't know him but after last night I was looking forward to date 3.

My other friend said to just go with it but be careful! Do I ask him about this woman and say I work with her daughter. He's told me he's dated other women??

Grrr and this seemed so simple!!

Louby, I wouldn't mention it yet-as you say you're only 2 dates in. He might well bring it up at some point in the future. You only know the daughter's view on him and if the family have issues it might be a distorted view. Likelihood is that he is keeping the mother "warm" incase he doesn't meet anyone else!!!!
You sound like a fairly grounded person who relies on her own judgement so I'd put it to the back of your mind but tread carefully