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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
Minime85 · 08/07/2014 11:05

Lois that's exactly how I feel. I feel foolish for letting myself feel this way. For letting him get under my skin.

LoisPuddingLane · 08/07/2014 11:29

It's such a horribly brutal thing, this dating. I just want a nice man...how HARD IS THAT? (Very, apparently).

OP posts:
ChickOnaMission · 08/07/2014 12:36

Hi all, been off here for a little while, I was seeing this lovely guy, fell for him big time, even though it was supposed to be casual. I could tell he was losing interest so finished it before I thought he was going to. He admitted after that he was trying to avoid feelings developing Since we split, via text Ive had my children non stop and not been able to meet him. Were meeting tonight for the first time since, initially it was supposed to be just for a drink, but now (my suggestion) hes coming to my place. I was gutted when we split, initially couldnt face OLD again but recently have had a ONS from tinder, (wow that website can move fast!) and been chatting to another guy, neither of which I like anywhere near as much as him. But its helped divert my attention from him and Im in a much better place now compared to when we first split.

Im pretty excited about tonight though and have no idea how its going to go. Id like to just rip his clothes off and have lovely sex like we used to, but Im not sure what hes going to want, it might just be a catch up and a quick glass of wine then home.

Today is passing VERY slowly.

ChickOnaMission · 08/07/2014 12:36

oh bugger... been off here for so long I'd forgotten about that irritating cut and paste bug!

ChickOnaMission · 08/07/2014 12:42

lois it is brutal, I invested and fell very quickly for the guy I was seeing, we'll call him Mr Swim, I was totally heartbroken when I realised he wasn't falling for me the way I was him.

After him I joined tinder, started chatting to a guy who worked in a building near my office and ended up going for drinks, dinner, then to his flat, all within about 5 hours of downloading the app! After he kept messaging me asking for my number but I don't want to see him again so ignored it.

If it was the other way around I'd be gutted and I know it's not a nice (or ladylike) way to behave.

Minime85 · 08/07/2014 16:29

Who moved my cheese? I was advised by someone at work to read this. U can get it online as a PDF. I think it's worth a look if you feel you need a direction of grounding with controlling the controllable Sad

I read it today and I know it's right . I know I need to be less afraid of things. But that's easier said than done

louby44 · 08/07/2014 17:31

My way of keeping things out of the bedroom is hairy legs!!! I have them waxed and my appointment is in 2 weeks, of course anyone who does waxing knows they have to grow to a certain length before the wax!!

So that's my method of abstaining! I'm rubbish otherwise especially after a few glasses of wine!

jesy · 08/07/2014 18:53

Well not been on here for a bit ,life all a bit rubbish out of work in three weeks basically been used as a stop gap .
Saw Mr IT he asked me over when told him about job said not good idea to be alone he was a perfect gent made me tea listening to me and then started to help me look for work .
That bloke I'd been chat to g to called me a selfish time waster and was abusive
Plus two days running at work I've been criticized over petty stuff

Sorry just needed to rant

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 19:03

I'm having a horrible wobble this evening...

My boyfriend had a POF account. He closed it. When I searched for his name after he'd closed it, it just showed up with his username etc and "user closed account".

I've just looked again, out of sheer curiosity, and there was no result at all.

I wasn't on POF. I don't know how it works.

So,either, after a certain amount of time you just disappear from the list... or he's reactivated his account and hidden it.

I don't know what to do.

I don't want to over react. I certainly don't want to bring it up with him. I feel like I just want to run away and hide.

dippinmytoe · 08/07/2014 19:27

folk if he has got rid of his account nothing will come up! If his account is hidden but you know his user name , he will show up!! so relax.. account closed

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 19:28

I'm not sure I'm cut out for all of this.

I think I only looked because I'm supposed to be taking my children out with him at the weekend and I'm really worried about them getting to know someone and it going wrong.

But we only see each other fortnightly. We talked at the weekend about how we could see each other more often and neither of us can see a way of seeing each other more often realistically.

How would I even know what he's doing the other 12 nights a fortnight... Sad

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 19:30

Really..?

It said, 'user closed account' before though...

MissingYouToo · 08/07/2014 19:38

Folk longtime lurker here.

Please don't fret about this. I've just put my user name (from when I was on POF) into the search and nothing comes up - I've disappeared because I deleted my account, as your lovely boyfriend has.

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 19:41

Thank you, Missing Smile

I think I'm just feeling very anxious because of taking the children to see him at the weekend.

I just can't quite believe that someone as lovely as him would really be interested...

I'm feeling a lot more confident than I was, but it doesn't take much to knock me back...

dippinmytoe · 08/07/2014 19:54

Ah folk go with the flow and relax !! you have been so positive :-) it probably is just a wobble because he is meeting your children and it's a big deal !!

jesy · 08/07/2014 20:14

I feel so empty I keep checking my fone but I know it's not go I g to have a message on it

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 20:15

jesy Sad

FolkGirl · 08/07/2014 20:16

dippin thank you, you're probably right...

Bigbird01 · 08/07/2014 20:39

folk try not to over analyse things at the moment (I'm sure that is easier said than done from what you've said about your past). It really does sound like you have met a good man who wants to be with you. There is nothing you have said that implies there is anything to be suspicious of.

dont - you are right. I sent Mr ? a text today to say that I thought he was a really nice person, but couldn't see us being more than friends. He sent a nice text back saying he had started to get that feeling from the way I had reacted to him, but he appreciated my honesty. I feel bad because I did like him as a person, but I feel better that I'm not leading him on at all now. Don't have the heart to go and look at my messages at the moment. It all seems so very hard. Sad

mariposaazul · 08/07/2014 20:42

I don't have to try hard not to sleep with anyone as distinct lack of possibilities! I do miss the intimacy.... but can't bear the thought of OD & it's candy store mentality & untruths....

LL0015 · 08/07/2014 20:53

Now I know why you all chat here. I'm biting my hand off trying to play it cool on the dating scene.

Mr Runner poked me in the ribs tonight and we chatted but his 'seeing someone' friend is over at his for dinner.

I need to back off.

sorry I can't advise to the OLD questions but I'm learning a lot.

gigglygirlygirl · 08/07/2014 20:59

Having one of those days where I just doubt and read motives into everything. I really don't want to ruin things with overthinking.

millymolliemandy07 · 08/07/2014 21:14

Folk, I think the way to look at it is that he doesn't know what your doing the other 12 days either and knowing what we all know about old he is probably relieved that he doesn't have to search for anyone now that he has met someone lovely (you). Stop wobbling :)

Bigbird- I was in a similar situation to you, does make you feel bad to have that conversation. I don't seem to feel attraction to anyone nice only the ones that are probably not going to lead anywhere. I'm wondering if this is because I want the excitement after being in my previous relationship such a long time or I'm just stupid.

Jesy -sorry things are not going well for you. X
They can only get better

jesy · 08/07/2014 21:18

I just feel I'm back where I was a year ago.

millymolliemandy07 · 08/07/2014 21:19

Jesy- where were you a year ago x