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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
louby44 · 05/07/2014 19:58

neiljames it's a pity other single men don't adopt this approach!

I've been texting/chatting to 2 men. The first one works with my ex husband and seems a decent bloke, he's quite full on texting and is doing a charity bike ride over the next week so can't commit to a date yet.

The second has taken my number and text me today to arrange our date tomorrow. More my type physically but obviously not a big texter - which is fine, we haven't met yet!

So bloke #1 is in the Lakes doing his bike ride, I've been honest and told him I've agreed to a date tomorrow with someone else - his reaction was text book and I'm stunned he said "ok, I'll leave it up to you, hope it works out for you" ffs!!! What a twerp!

I can meet who I bloody well want to!! I was just being honest, I haven't committed to anyone. I am amazed!!

Why not say - good luck, if he's not your type let me know etc

Mags11 · 06/07/2014 00:06

Louby I hope you enjoy your date tomorrow. Clearly you have hurt bike-riders feelings by not waiting around whilst he bike rides away - hence the huffiness. He may come round yet.
I went on a nice second date this evening and am struggling to construct a sentence because of the alchohol. Smile BUT there is no physical attraction which I feel bad about. Like I've pretended in some way.
How do you get past this in a nice way? I know really cos there are many posts about appropriate messages, but I would like someone to tell me its ok to do this. I hate letting someone down who's clearly very lovely. Has anyone stayed friends with dates that didn't work out?

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 00:26

"Why not say - good luck, if he's not your type let me know etc"

@Louby44 - He has pretty much told you good luck and I bet he's hoping the guy isn't your type. He probably didn't say that in case you thought he was being too eager. You didn't really expect him to reply, "Good luck, I hope he drops his dinner into your lap!", did you? Smile

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 00:34

"I just wouldn't be confident enough to go up and chat to a man like I liked the look of. I talk quite a lot to everyone else but not fanciable men!"

@Knitted - Are you one of those women that unintentionally confuses men by getting on great with every other man around except the one that you actually like and want to be with, thus making the man you really fancy think you're not interested at all in him? Wink

knittedknickers · 06/07/2014 00:39

Yep, MadeMan that could be me. But then again, I don't know because those men that I can't do eye contact with don't then talk to me so I will never know if they're secretly liking me.

I like the direct approach - I am then direct back - we all know where we stand then!

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 00:40

"...struggling to construct a sentence because of the alchohol."

Everyone seems to be either making cakes, or a bit tipsy tonight.

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 00:49

"I don't know because those men that I can't do eye contact with don't then talk to me so I will never know if they're secretly liking me. "

They possibly do like you.

There have been women that I've tried talking to in the past that haven't given much (if any) eye contact when I've spoken to them and I automatically take that as a "please go away" sign, so perhaps a couple of them were actually interested.

Maybe I should just assume every woman is interested in me and carry on until I get a slap. Smile

louby44 · 06/07/2014 08:58

mags I'm still friends with 2 blokes whom I've had dates with - only via facebook but we do chat a bit.

The first one I saw twice, nice bloke but lived too far away and the second was the very overweight bloke who I saw once. he knows he has no chance with me at 10 stone over his ideal weight.

You just need to say "you're a really nice chap and I've enjoyed our dates but I just don't feel that we're suited" - how can he argue with that!

made you're right but his text was quite rude I thought! I've made no promises to this man! A tentative idea that we may meet up later in the week but no definite arangement!

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 10:05

Yeah you're probably right louby. Also, what is it with people bike riding in middle age? A friend of mine does it, waxes his legs so the hairs don't show through his lycra leggings and he does at least 10 miles every Sunday morning.

I do not understand it, I'd rather be at home Sunday morning eating bacon sandwiches and drinking tea. Which is what I'm going to do in a minute. Smile

louby44 · 06/07/2014 10:14

made we are all different! Which makes the world so much more interesting!

I was woken by (it sounded like 100) birds outside my window at 6.30am! By 7am I gave up and at 8am i was out running in the sunshine - clocked 5k!

Life is good today!

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 11:15

Yeah differences are good louby . Think I'll stick to being the man that has the cup of tea ready when the woman gets home from bike ride/morning run/gym session, rather than the man that is out exercising with them. Smile

FolkGirl · 06/07/2014 18:27

Hi all

Just got back from a lovely weekend with my boyfriend again. I haven't had chance to catch up with everyone else's adventures yet, but I will do later.

Just wanted to say thanks again for the support on here. It really does help. I like what you said, Milly about family being a two way street and that's so true. I think I'll just have to say that to him; that we've saved the whole day for a 2 hour party, and my exH has freed up the children to attend because we're all being considerate to his needs and feelings, but that it's a two way street and I have needs and feelings too. Unfortunately, he is a bit PFB and he won't recognsied my needs because it's his daughter's birthday and he wants everything to be 'perfect' for her. But she's little. She won't know or care...

In other news... my boyfriend is spending a few hours with me and my children next weekend. It will be their second meeting. I really liked something that he said today. He said that he's aware that my son is 15 and might not feel comfortable with another man on the scene. He said that he's a little worried about making him feel uncomfortable or him thinking he's going to try to be like his dad when he won't. He said he just really wants it to be ok for my son. He's aware that he hasn't been in this position before, never having dated anyone with children before, and that he doesn't want to get it wrong.

And that's just one of the reasons why I love him... Smile

Minime85 · 06/07/2014 20:01

Folk that's a great update. Sounds like you've had a lovely weekend. :) your bf sounds lovely

FolkGirl · 06/07/2014 20:14

Mini He'd just flown back from spending a couple of weeks at home with his family.

His mum had sent back some sweets and chocolates for my children... Smile

Minime85 · 06/07/2014 20:48

Folk that is lovely. It all seems to be coming together for you and I'm so pleased. It certainly gives me hope that happiness is out there Smile

Minime85 · 06/07/2014 20:48

Folk that is lovely. It all seems to be coming together for you and I'm so pleased. It certainly gives me hope that happiness is out there Smile

Minime85 · 06/07/2014 20:49

So lovely I posted twice, silly phone Grin

dontcallmehon22 · 06/07/2014 21:33

Ah folk, he sounds so lovely!

I'm still so very very happy right now. Mr sensible has suggested a date, so I'll probably go. But I just feel content and secure and just really comfortable with life at the moment.

FolkGirl · 06/07/2014 21:56

dont It's so good to read that you're in a much better 'place' now Smile

I think you should go on the date, just for the craic if nothing else Wink

Minime85 · 06/07/2014 22:03

Great post from you too don't. Go on the date. But most of all stay as happy as you sound.

I want some of everyone else's positivity!

dontcallmehon22 · 06/07/2014 22:06

I will. I like the sound of Mr Sensible, but I don't need a relationship, it'd just be an addition to my very full and happy life. I have everything I need really, so...

MadeMan · 06/07/2014 22:11

Have you got your teeth done now, Dont ?

FolkGirl · 06/07/2014 22:14

That's exactly how I feel, dont.

I hope it works out with my boyfriend. And he certainly seems to want it to... but if it doesn't, my life would continue.

And that's how it should be. I think this is the first time in my life that I've genuinely felt like this. This thread really has been so helpful to me.

Someone said over the weekend that I sounded like I'm come a long way. And it's true, I have. I feel so different.

I want him. But I don't need him. And I think he knows that, too...

dontcallmehon22 · 06/07/2014 22:22

That's the best way to be, folk. And very attractive I think.

Not yet, mademan.I had impressions taken and I'm going back for the gel next week. Then the veneers once the whitening is done, so I get the exact shade.

One thing that made me v happy was that my friend got me a notebook for my birthday. On every single page she'd written an inspirational message for me about how amazing I was. Geeky shattered my self esteem. But I looked at this book and I realised that there are people who really think a lot of me. Geeky doesn't know me like my friend does. His opinion is irrelevant.

louby44 · 06/07/2014 22:45

I've been on a date tonight! Best date I've had in ages! Local guy, tall and fairly attractive, hair!!! He was really nervous but I could see he's a decent, genuine guy. He was very complimentary and said my photos don't do me justice, he admitted he was very attracted to me! It was nice to hear!

He kissed me at the end and it was very good! I don't normally kiss on a first date. He's asked to see me again. Which I've agreed to. There was certainly a spark there, enough to want to see him again!