Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Louby

It's a small world I spent sat with my first ever bf best mate and mr it now an ex lol
They all know each other lol
Funnily the best mate said I was too nice for my first ever bf but thinks me n mr it well suited lol
Ppl seem to think we together lol

Thank you jarlin. I've come a long way in the best few months and even though this isn't where I wanted to be, I'm happy and stupidly proud of myself for coming this way

For coming this far I meant to say. I'm a different person from the silly naive woman who met geeky.

Thanks, Mini
Well his profile said that he was single....I wouldn't've gone there otherwise....but who knows these days? Maybe he was when he initially posted it.
I would dearly like to know what has happened - but it appears that I am not worthy of such important information. I must stop it, and get off the pity pot. I'm exhausted but I have to get back up and carry on.....Next!

Ah squirrel sorry I think I thought you just happened to get back in touch didn't realise seen it on line.
Best way to be is onwards and upwards but it's hard. I feel if bloke I'm seeing at minute doesn't work out I will need a break from it as I invest emotionally, too soon maybe but it's so hard to gauge what in essence is a total stranger. Especially everyone else until I was 36 I'd ever dtd with I'd known from school!

Happy birthday don't

Thank you mini. I'm stupidly childish about birthdays.

I'm re evaluating whether I want a relationship. I don't know if I do. The only (major) problem I have is that I don't find sex particularly fulfilling unless I have extremely strong feelings for someone. It does nothing for me really. So accepting that I am not going to have a relationship means condemning myself to a life of lackluster (excuse the pun) sex. Which is a minor tragedy.

Don't I feel the same. Not sure I want or need a relationship but do enjoy the closeness of an adult relationship but to enjoy sex I have to really like and know someone. So difficult really.

"Camper vans must be the new mid life crisis vehicle of choice"

1970's MG Midgets run a close second.

Wow! You lot can chat!! Struggling to keep up!

Welcome newbies - I hope you gain as much support and advice from this thread as I do.

Folk - I think you mail to your brother is extremely patient - if anything a little too much(?). I hope you manage to get a decent response from him.

My date from last Friday has been in touch throughout the week. He still seems more keen than me, but I've decided to go out with him again on Sunday and see how it goes. If we get to the end of that date and I still don't feel any spark, I will try and be straight with him. I don't want to unfairly lead him on if it just isn't happening for me.

Don't - eye candy is not my impression of POF in Leeds!! Maybe it's the age bracket? In the 48-58 yo range it's mostly beer bellies, motorbikes, dodgy deluded & one line profile a as well as messages along the lines of 'hiya, how's you?'....

mari - it's not just Leeds... Or the age bracket...

To be fair, I did 'meet' the man I thought I had so much in common with on POF but after 2-3 weeks with tons of messages my innocent suggestion we could talk on the phone seemed to silence him :(

Hello to the newbies :)

I went out with mr nice last night. We went for a stroll along the beach and then some food before coming back for the night its hard trying to arrange meeting up on my only child free nights.
However it did occur to me last night that I seem to have got used to his dodgy dress sense and different body type to my ex and really enjoyed myself. He's growing on me I think!

I've found the 28 - 38 bracket in Leeds a lot nicer than in Manchester. Maybe it's grass is greener syndrome.

I've had far too much red wine tonight. Last chance before I start whitening the teeth!

Ah - well one or two of them have asked me if I fancy meeting a younger man - but that's toooo much of an age gap for me...and too close to my son's age (24) !
I should have had some red wine :) but a bit late now...

It can take a while to find someone nice.

I don't know what's happened to me. I'm very very very happy at the moment.

I feel really happy being single too. It's a great feeling isn't it? I do really enjoy meeting someone where the attraction is mutual - it's exciting finding that spark with someone and in that instance I love all the dating etc business but I haven't found that in time I've been single this time and I'm not pining for it yet, just feel so free...I might jump off my chair, run out into the road, swing around lamp posts and do star jumps in a minute. I haven't had any red wine.

Oh I love it, knitted. I'm imagining you in that scene from my fair lady where Freddie swirls round lampposts: 'I've often walked down this street before...but the pavement never moved beneath my feet before...'

I'm in a silly mood

For you knitted.

Dont & knitted -I think its lovely you feel that way...I may regret it later but for now cannot appreciate the plus side of being single...I just put up with it really...really miss the intimacy & sharing the days triumphs & disasters...

Ah thanks, don't - I wish I did live on that street... Yep, I feel a bit giddy tonight, too. Enjoy your last night of red wine-induced silliness for a stretch!

folk
Yeah, he wanted another phone chat tonight. :) Maybe he is following some sort of stages thing that I'm somewhat to chaotic to implement myself. I sometimes make a note to - but something just happens and I decide fuck it.
His way of speaking is growing on me! Like a slow drawl. :P

Your parents sound very like mine Folk, too similar!! And same like I said with my brother. I wonder what their personalities would be like if they didn't have parents like that, I'm very much shaped by an abusive upbringing but now I'm in my 20's I've started to be glad of it and feel happier for it - my siblings not so much.

Do you and your brother ever talk about your past, or have deeper conversations about things? Out of my 6 brothers I have the ones in denial and who are fixed in behavior, and the ones who are still bitter at the unfairness and more... expressive about it. Neither type could sit and analyze with me though. (In fact the ones who suffer mental illness seem to be the most likely to at some point in their lives, if they ever do.) Just wondering what your brother is like. Maybe this isn't the thread for it and if so apologies for asking!! But you have to admit, these subjects are very related to dating as I think anything that affects us is! :)

Just wondering if he even knows what he is being like and why, could it/is it ever communicated between you (in the event of situations like this.)

Unfortunately for him it's out of his hands, his control doesn't extend to the park. :)

Sorry if my curiosity was excessive! x

ExDP just off the phone... just to ask "do you know what I'm doing?"
No I don't
"We're miming [the song] and pretending to pay instruments for the music video!!
Gotta go!!!"

Oh fuck off.
Surely they don't need to mime, that the sound could just be cut out lol? Either he's making a cunt out of himself, or very characteristically, lying. Cause I DID hear loud music in the background. And he sounded drunk. :) (He's a VERY heavy guy, yet just a few beer will affect his speech. Used to be endearing until lying about drinking came more regularly, in that pathetic slurred tongue.)
They record the video this weekend, was an awful source of stress between us for months. He's put more money into this band than he might possibly ever hope to get out of it.
Eh not my problem anymore. :(

avianaz We do talk about it. We used to talk about it a lot - we needed to, it was like therapy fo rus. Since we went NC with her just over 2 years ago and our dad died 18 months ago, we've talked about it less. The past gets further away from us every day... and we only now and again talk about her. Like if we're acknowledging how much happier we feel now, or we're reminded of her...

He acknowledges that I'm very damaged by her emotionally. But will only accept that he has been affected in other ways - he focuses on how his life chances/opportunities have been limited. So she has written us out of the will. We got nothing but a token or two from my dad because everything of his went to his new family when he died. He talks about the money a lot - how his friends all had help with their house deposits, how their friends' parents pay for big family holidays away together... Bu it's not the money, as such, that bothers him - lots of people don't get handouts from their parents - but he struggles with the idea that neither of them cared enough about us to want to leave us something. That sort of thing. I think he feels that if either of them had said in their final hour - this is for you, he could believe that they did love him. Because there was no love anywhere else. So he looks for 'evidence' of how much people care about him and his family by their actions. And because there is no other family, he looks to me and I have all his expectations of 'family' placed on me. And there is no room for manouvere.

He will see this as a sign that I don't care because I wasn't willing to sacrifice time with my boyfriend for him or his family. It won't occur to him that we only see each other fortnightly and this is already the commitment I have in place. He won't see that I have to start making a life for myself. And he won't see that my happiness is as important to me as his is to him. And he won't see that me having another adult with me to talk to will be nice for me. He doesn't get that going everywhere on my own gets a bit wearing after a while; at a party or a barbecue there are lots of times when I speak to others, but there's no one just there for me. And it would be nice to have someone else to talk to when everyone else is talking to their partners... It's only me that has to have all my attention focused on him and his daughter...

BigBird (and everyone else!) Thanks. I'm going to speak with my boyfriend this weekend and then decide how I respond to my brother on the back of that. There's no point making a stand if he says he'd prefer not to meet so many people all at once, anyway.

But avianaz is right. It is all about control.

avianaz your ex sounds like an arse. Although look at it this way, you're clearly as much of an irritation to him as he is to you, otherwise he wouldn't have felt the need to make the phone call