Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Minime have you seen him on dating sites or is this purely paranoia? If it's purely paranoia you just have to believe him. Time will ease your anxiety.

Don't accuse him and don't make him feel guilty because of your past. I fucked up the best relationship of my life by doing that. My endless questions/insecurities backed him into a corner of defensiveness which made me more paranoid and we ended up in a vicious circle of hell. Just don't go there.

I'm not into playing games and pretending I'm this cool cucumber if I'm into a guy but mistrust is one scenario where you need to keep schtum and play it cool (unless you have grounds or really suspect something then be as witch-like as you want!).

Before, only yesterday and when I asked he said that he was making sure profile was hidden as he was still getting messages. And his picture is all blanked out now. I guess u have to trust otherwise it's never going to work and if he is lying in time it will come out and then he wasn't right for me. But I don't want to have my heart broken

Canihave, I'd keep going with Mr Nice. I think its really hard not to compare anyone new to your ex, especially if you were together a long time as its what you were used to.
He might grow on you, I over analysis too but I think its really hard not too. Maybe just enjoy it for now.

I'm encouraged by the fact that you met someone nice...

Minime

I have no clue as to what to advise... useless huh? I know that I'd have to say something but that's only because I feel that someone on my wavelength wouldn't screw up on something like taking a profile down and I'd be willing to flush out those 'incompatibilities' early on. I also know from this thread that being tolerant and forgiving at the beginning can lead to something more. I think it's down to our singular DNA and where our trigger levels are.

I've had a wee drink so if that's useless shite - I'm really sorry!

Jesy, am really glad you had a good time, sounds perfect.

I think NeilJames is getting too many compliments for his advice as the token man. I'm going to take issue with him next time just for the hell of it.

Yes, I hate that old bloody cliche, School of Life, it reminds me of Alan Partridge.

Sorry, just got to rant a little further...I have just looked on match and opened a profile to see a man had put under the bit about his personality type 'possessive'.... why would someone admit to that?

Before- just banter between us would be good and someone who has that ability to be exciting and make me laugh. ExDh had that and when he was sober just used to crack a joke and make me laugh, but he was a show off when he had had a drink which did get on my nerves tbh.
I worry I'm settling for someone who isn't truly right for me but then worry maybe he is and with time I'll see that and if I let him go I will be forever regretting it. Hmmm...

Thing is how do you know whats important to you? I've only ever dated the odd teenage boyfriend and then dh. I could say sense of humour is important then find someone with a sense of humour but who wasn't as caring etc. would I then prefer caring over sense of humour?

Milly- I do think it was fate :) we both separated the same month, both joined pof the same week, I was his first date and he mine. Neither of us have dated for 14 plus years. I think we were both meant to help each other move into the dating world. What ever happens with us he has helped me gain confidence after a failed marriage.
You'll meet someone soon x

CanIHave for me the choice you give there is clear - any man that is good enough for me (yes, I mean to be that 'arrogant') will make me laugh AND be kind and caring plus a whole lot more. To be honest, it wouldn't have occurred to me to even settle for a man that wasn't kind and caring. My areas for compromise are peripheral things but I need core characteristics in a partner and I won't deviate from those.

Sometimes you don't always know what you do want but you're certain what you don't want in a man. Maybe by thinking about what you don't want will lead you to the core traits that he must have.

Hi all, you all sound lovely to me. My female friends and I have a plan to have a house together and share the cost of good carers, if we need them.
It would be a home for those of us who want to grow old disgracefully-a regular drinks trolley, lots of animals, hens free ranging around the garden, lots of raucous laughter, tea and copious amounts of cake.
I'm a pretty good baker, if I say so myself!
Knitted. I completely agree re the 'university of life,' cliche. It's a twat alarm bell.
I was on MuddyMatches for a bit. For country loving types.
It was a bit lack lustre. Lots of men posing with extraordinarily small, or extraordinarily large fish-what does that say?
Do we want to see their flaccid fish? NO!! Put them back in the lake, for God's sake!
Pining for my lovely vet-haven't seen him for a couple of days. Drastic action may be needed.
I think that trying to just go with the flow with dates is the best way to handle things. Go out and have a laugh and if you meet someone you really click with, then great.
I had my first date recently. We'd been emailing each other for about a week and a half. He was working in the US, so we couldn't meet up for a while. We'd got on really well with our e mails, but when we met, there was absolutely no attraction. You just never know, do you?

Thanks before. No we hadn't said we would take them down completely, mine is only hidden too. It's too early days for that.

I think my problem is I rush at things generally and want what I want straight away. I can't change who I am. Mr pof has been over tonight and it's honestly electric I've never had that before. I want to be able to enjoy all that and not take it too seriously but that's just not me. It would be complicated but if I'm not careful I'm going to absolutely fall for him and I don't want to be that hurt if it doesn't work.

I need to pull back but don't know how. God sorry feeling very serious and sorry for myself tonight

I swear OLD is like a roller coaster

Knitted it was great

Mr it texted me saying it was fun
I don't think he is playing me , seeing him with his mates and their families I think he for real
A woman in her 50 s wasn't well n he looked after her
But I suddenly realised about his ex within months of dumping him she was married and pregnant plus deep down I think he wants that x

Lost a bf but gained a mate xx

Y'see.......my advice isn't always good!
I suggested that Jesy shouldn't go but she did and enjoyed it.

Neil

I did I had a best day x I know everyone had there doubts about me seeing him but he genuinely nice guy x
Even seeing him as a mate for a swimming lesson this week

Yes, Doughnut, there is a fish theme on Match and I'm not sure what that tells us....

I'm leaving match because my lovely ex has joined and I found out because he viewed my profile...subscription is up this week anyway and I think the combination of me being rubbish and lazy and the dominance of 'Mmmm hi sexy..want to chat'-type comments put me off. But I'm not done yet and am determined to meet some nice, normal, friendly types so am thinking will join another site.

I've looked at POF but it seems very complicated (that may just be my tiny brain). I'm 45 - is it more for young people? Also, do you have to pay a subscription in order to send and receive emails etc?

So many questions, any advice anyone?

Knitted pof is quite good I think. I wasn't keen at first but warmed to it. The app on I phone quite easy to use. And it's all free!

Jesy I'm glad things are looking so much more positive for you

Thanks Mini85, I'm a luddite so don't have such things as an I phone but thanks for the recommendation. I've also just read the 'experiences of POF - arrrgh' thread - ever so slightly off-putting!!

Oh I haven't seen that thread. Sounds a bit scary though. It's worth a look. I had a bloke wanting to Skype me at midnight to which I said no and then he disappeared. Chatted to a couple of nice seeming blokes but only been on one date from it. I think I prefer it to match though

Knitted - I've seen alot of fish pictures too and lots of pictures of camper vans (oddly enough).

I'm not on pof as I know lots of people who are and it puts me off - I read the thread you refer to aswell which also put me off.

Is it better to join a few sites? I have looked at pof (without joining) and noticed a few of the same people who are on Match.

Also for those who have met someone nice, did you approach them or vice versa? I'm wondering if I should be more proactive (less lazy) and send out more emails myself (although I am at a loss as to what to say...)

Country house with chickens and lots of cake (and wine) is looking better and better :)

jesy that sounds great. Tbh, I had my doubts... but it sounds like going was the right thing to do. Good for you

My boyfriend is coming back this week. I'm so excited

I think there's still a chance that the logistics of the distance and my work/family commitments could spell disaster for us but I'm not thinking about that at the moment. His view seems to be "where there's a will..." so fingers crossed. We're having our talk this weekend after he said he wants "a future" with me.

A future? What does that even mean?

Three days and counting... Three days. That's nothing and yet if feels like a lifetime away...

I think I have had a lucky escape a few weeks back I chatted to this bloke he was nice looking , local ext but I'd got my doubts now I know my gut feeling was right.
I'd not replied to his text over last few days as j thought he'd just go away.
Tonight I gave in a d he was right funny with me asking where I'd been I said away with mate and I got the did you fuck him , HD then c called me selfish I only think about myself

I've blocked him on fB and message !

milly I contacted my boyfriend first. He lived further away than I wanted and is older than I wanted...

He didn't even say too much in his profile, but I did quite like the lok of his photos.

I only messaged him because it was 4am and I was feeling brave. There's no way I'd have contacted him otherwise for a number of reasons...

I was really surprised when he replied and we just really hit it off.

To be honest, I realised recently that I rarely replied to anyone who messaged me first. I always sent the first message. I always just assumed that men who messaged first were bulk messaging people.

At that time, it didn't occur to me that someone might have actually liked me...