Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Giggly - thanks for replying. I have set my ages preferences and my height preferences, I just think people look at the photos and don't read the rest.
My profile is brief as I'm not particularly comfortable with posting too much about myself for everyone to see (plus I was losing the will with setting the whole thing up...). A friend who met her DP online advised me not to put too much. Did you write a very detailed/witty profile?

I would give all I have in the world for a second chance with my mountain-climbing Scot but I hurt him and, more importantly (I suspect), I humiliated him and he will never forgive me for that. If I did get that chance I would take it slow and steady and I would post on this thread every time I felt paranoid and insecure and let him think I was the coolest snail-paced cucumber.

milly I did write quite a detailed profile. I don't think it was 'witty', as such, but it was honest and did reflect my personality. And it was long enough to give some info about myself, but not so long as to be boring to read.

I didn't have a lot of the problems that other women have reported on here, but I designed my profile so that I would only appeal to the sort of men I'd be interested in. I was more interested in quality than quantity.

I also kept my messages relatively short and sweet. Until someone has started to invest in you, they aren't going to want to read lengthy emails.

I went on dates with men I wasn't hugely attracted to just for the practice as much as anything. I didn't lead anyone on, but it did help me to finely tune exactly what I was/wasn't looking for and how to be on a date!

I met my boyfriend on match.

Totally unrelated... I'd love to have a dating thread meet up. We'd have to bring photos of our boyfriends/girlfriends along.

It would be really interesting to see if we could identify each other...

Blakey - it is like satc!
I thought OLD would be like that too but am finding it depressing.
We are the same, I was lucky and had an amicable split from my ex but I was hoping to be swept off my feet too by someone new.
I am wondering if its my age (38) I rarely find anyone attractive and my date was a lovely bloke and really liked me but I just felt zero attraction and was worried about leading him on.
I think we should keep trying, it is sad to think of the next few decades on our own.

Thanks Folk - I'll have think of something more interesting to say on mine.
I'm on Match too.

I think it's definatly my age (38) an broken soul.
I just don't think many ppl will experience it, that all consuming passion and the ladies here who ve found it- bloody good luck to u gals- go get em!!
I think a meet would be very nice/funny!

Oh it's not your age! Don't be such grumps the pair of you

I'm 39. My 'boy'friend is 46.

He's lovely :)

Folk - you both sound lovely, its heartening to hear a "success" story.

I will keep trying (as I've stupidly paid for 6 months).
I guess new people register all the time (clutching at straws here...)
I'm generally optimistic, its just good to get the viewpoint and experiences of others in the same boat. I don't think people that haven't tried OLD can fully understand how unnatural it feels

Milly I think the only correlation with age and dating is that we become more fussy because we know what we don't want (unlikely that we know fully what we do want, or at least I don't, anyway).

I've just come back from a weekend away with a single girlfriend (both late 40s) and we now have such a long list of what we don't want and must have that the number of men in our 'bulls eye' will be so few... and then we have to fancy them... and they have to fancy us so we've admitted that we are unlikely to find THE ONE ...

I have decided that when I get to a certain age I shall buy a big house in the country with a conservatory. I shall then advertise in The Lady (or PM people on here) and find three like-minded women to house-share with me and we shall bake cakes and sip G&Ts in the conservatory and be eccentric and outrageous and 'educate' all the local young men into our dotage...

Fingers crossed, eh? milly Oh, and thank you. I try to be lovely...

When I did online dating, my primary objective was to discover whether or not I could be attractive to anyone; what sort of man I was interested in; and to 'practice' talking to men/going on dates with men/interacting with other people generally.

I actively dated men who I did find attractive, but who weren't my usual 'type'.

My boyfriend is not my type physically, and he lives too far away really. And what attracted us to each other initially was the the fact that neither of us wanted to fall in love, or have a real relationship...

That didn't really work - we fell in love and now he's talking about us having a future together...

The advice I would give you is to go on lots of dates, don't see it as a way of finding a relationship - if that happens, it's a bonus. And have fun!

Before I've a bottle of damson gin and I bake a mean chocolate cake...

But then I'm planning on living on a canal boat in my dotage...

Milly I know exactly how you feel. I have had 3 'dates' now and, although all three were pleasant and I got on with them fine, I've felt no physical attraction to any of them. My date on Friday has been in touch a few times since and I agreed to meet him again after others on this thread advised about 'growers', but I am really concerned about leading him on if I'm not interested. I know I'd be hurt if it was the other way around.

I really can't stand the idea of being single forever, but I'm also determined that I will be in a relationship I feel happy in. I'm not going to just settle for someone rather than no one - I've compromised my happiness for a good few years already. Does that mean I'm being too picky??

Folk - my mum and friends had said exactly the same. I will try harder to look for the positives in potential dates and just go for the fun of it.

Beforeandafter - you are definitely right, I am fussy. I think its because I last dated in my teens and now find myself surrounded by bald, old looking men.
I too have discussed the country house idea with friends - I'll be wearing alot of purple and they will be my companions

folkgirl you organise meet up and let us know details... can't wait myself

Folk, I could buy a house with a waterway passing by with a camomile lawn path snaking from the mooring to the conservatory - I'd go that extra mile for damson gin and a mean chocolate cake... oh, is that the Everly Brothers I hear? "Dreeeeaaaam, dream, dream, dre-eam..."

Sounds wonderful.... Sadly I think my reality is more likely to involve lots and lots of cats...

before are u looking to pm people to find male or female companions?

Because to pm and pick up people is strictly against ths rules of this thread [stern face]

Bigbird think of it this way, if you're NOT picky you are compromising. You have to start out picky otherwise any old bloke would do. When you meet someone you really click with you will, inevitably, compromise because even you and I are not perfect so compromise on both sides is inevitable but don't compromise on the big things, the things that matter to you. I have to have a man who will tell me he loves me. I couldn't compromise on a couch potato. I couldn't compromise on someone who is not educated. I now know I don't care if I'm taller than a bloke (never thought I'd think that). I can't compromise on someone who lives with their mum/parents. I've done that twice and never again... and the list goes on. Each date is part of the process of figuring out what you DO want...

Thread moving quickly tonight. A meet up sound a fab plan.

Not keen on match. I have preferred pof at this, my second dabble into the OLD world. It is a funny bloody world.

I think after date two you'd know if there was something and I think it's ok if it's a attraction that you don't necessarily think will go anywhere long term like folk said as long as you are both up front .

Had an interesting date last night with mr pof! Was something I've never done before at a music festival locally. It's great to be doing new things. And god with him I swear you must be able to see the chemistry in the air! He is the third date I've had from OLD but I chatted to a few other before

so loving your happy updates folk.

I'm 37 and think it's a funny mix in the OLD world. There are those same age who haven't had kids and you are thinking um why is that then? And you're maybe thinking I don't want anymore. Then there are those with kids which is fine of course. And then I've had messages from men loads older and it seems a bit creepy. And by loads I mean late 50s. Then there's the bloody 24 yr olds who won't take no for an answer and probably think you are gagging for it!

Oooh White - I'd never break the thread rules... otherwise I'd have broken snapped up the now elusive Bant a million years ago

Only looking for females - in about 20 years' time...

BigBird - its stressful isn't it? I spent 2 days worrying about going on another date with my nice date before deciding to follow my instincts and just be honest with him. Then spent 2 more days worrying whether I'd done the right thing.

I think its good that we are being picky as I want to make the right choice and not just settle too.
I'm just concerned that it might not happen.
I think you should go on the date and see whether you do feel a growing attraction. I do think that women overthink and the men jump in a lot quicker so as Folk says just try to enjoy it.

brita1979 - Did you meet up with the milkman? Did he float your boat?
Did you find out if he was also dating udder women?
He may have just skimmed through the dating site.
You should also look round the dating site to make sure other possible dates don't get pasteurise.

(I apologise but it's your fault for telling us he was a milkman)

jarlin am impressed you remembered!!

Yes still going with baldy. Is v different to any other relationship I have been in... which I have struggled with.. but different in a good way!
He seems a bit like mr slow but is all going great!