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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
jesy · 24/06/2014 15:52

Dilemma time
Mr it asked me as a friend on a trip at weekend I'd love to go as it's something never done ie day trip with ppl
What do I do

TalisaMaegyr · 24/06/2014 16:58

Where is it? How many people are going?

jesy · 24/06/2014 16:59

BlCkpool think about twenty I want to but also I don't like rides so is it worth me going

jesy · 24/06/2014 17:05

BlCkpool think about twenty I want to but also I don't like rides so is it worth me going

Minime85 · 24/06/2014 18:13

Create if it gets to date three or four and still doing it and u want to being up exclusivity I would. I used to find myself longing on every hour or so to see if he was on line if he had gone quiet text wise. It is daft but so hard to stop yourself doing it.

Knitted I'm glad it was ok. It does sound like he is blowing hot and cold maybe decide if you can be bothered to see him again. Is it worth all the hassle in between?

Well mr pof stayed over last night after dinner . Wink I am liking him a lot but find I'm dealing with it (so far anyway) all so much better than my first dabble into OLD. Sure it won't last!

FolkGirl · 24/06/2014 19:03

dont There have been ups and downs.

In a nutshell, neither of us wanted to fall in love or have a LTR with someone. But it happened (!) and now the distance between us, which had originally been a bonus because we were both protected from a potentially needy person who was going to want to see us all the time, has become a bit of an problem.

We've had a bit of a talk about things. He's gone back home for a few weeks and when he gets back he wants to talk about 'us'.

When I think back to my earlier posts, I almost don't recognise myself, even thought that's the person I was for years, because I genuinely believed that no one would ever love me. And now, for lots of reasons, I do. I can see why someone would.

I just can't see why someone would fancy me now... Wink

Pinklaydee1302 · 24/06/2014 19:32

Minime can I ask how many dates u had before he stayed over? Just wondering the general consensus of how many dates before that happens.....it's been so long Grin

jesy · 24/06/2014 19:36

Well I have agreed to go on Sat partly as im scared and I need to start being brave and not hiding behind my books.

He texted to say my ex bf, best mate just said going I just answered saying that nice he always seemed nice. After all its been at least 2 years since we last saw each other and its up tome who I am mates with.

Ok need hand holding now
What to wear I. Not trying to impress but I do t wa t to show him up even on new mate basis ?
How to tell him to go off with out me I don't want him thinking he stuck with me all day x

I want to fit in with them eve. If it means faking it for a bit

I read a thread about similar topic but wanted friends opinions

Was thinking jeans some pump type shoes hair up but rest I'm stuck

jesy · 24/06/2014 19:50

I stayed over on our fourth date

Sex on third but didn't stay although he was very gentlemanly and offered to walk me to my lift but didn't want him meeting my mum that soon lol

knittedknickers · 24/06/2014 19:53

Folkgirl that's a fab thing that's happened, I hope things work out for you, you sound like you really deserve it.

Jesy never mind about bloody 'showing him up*, where what you know you like and feel good in. I think jeans and pumps sounds great - maybe a colourful top that you can put a jumper over if it gets cold/rainy?

jesy · 24/06/2014 20:04

If I. Not happy in what I wear I'll not enjoy .myself

I'm guessing there be in footie tops ext. I just want to fit in

Minime85 · 24/06/2014 20:13

Pink it was the 6th time we had seen each other but proper dates the 4th I guess. He was always coming over for 'dinner' and in the day i just text and said stay over if u want to. I just went with what feels right for me. I could have easily dtd after date 2 but wasn't the opportunity and I'm not a rush into things girl but god there is chemistry Wink

louby44 · 24/06/2014 22:19

Well I went on an impromptu date last night. Guy I chatted to on Tinder about 6 weeks ago. Looked very nice on his pics, 45 mins away so doable.

Spoke to him on the phone and he had a very sexy Irish accent, really nice person and we got on well on the phone.

A couple of weeks ago he admitted that he had put weight on - he was a previous marathon runner (he's run 7 marathons!!) but after an injury//split from his wife things had gone down hill and his weight had become an issue. The pics I saw are 3 years old!

I'm not a shallow person and I've certainly dieted after having children but it put me in a difficult position as I basically rejected him because of his weight!. We left it saying he would contact me in October after he had lost weight and had run the Great North Run & maybe we could meet up, if I was still single! He is dieting and going to the gym everyday!

But over the weekend we chatted again and spoke on the phone! We met up last night!! He is morbidly obese, he's a tall bloke anyway but he must be 5/6 stone over weight - maybe more. He was smartly dressed, and is a good looking man under the fat! He brought me a rose. He was really good company and we chatted for an hour and a half! but I wasn't remotely attracted to him. I could tell he liked me!

He text me later on and said he had no expectations and knew where he stood. I admitted that as things stand now it's a no go! He understands that.

There is something about him though, he's a decent, kind man and his voice is lovely. But I don't understand how someone can let themselves go like that, he could barely walk! How can you go from being a marathon runner to obese. My friend reckons there is something more to it! Mental health?

I sure know how to pick 'em! Where are the normal guys???

Pinklaydee1302 · 24/06/2014 22:35

How sad Louby. It's so maddening when people don't put on up to date photos though Confused

jesy · 25/06/2014 07:07

Louby

I think I know how u feel mr it is fit I mean there isn't any fat on him and I'll sound very shallow now even after six pints he was still cable of amazing sex
So now I seem a bit fussy , both my previous bf were a bit chubby and I didn't mind but well now I think I'm fussy which is daft as I'm two stone over weight

Minime85 · 25/06/2014 07:21

Louby I'm with you why would you put photos from 3 years ago. What a shame.

FolkGirl · 25/06/2014 07:31

louby I have to say, it isn't about you being shallow, it's about him misrepresenting himself.

I'm a stone overweight myself. I don't actually like the feel of fat on men, but I generally like my men skinny and weedy.

But if I had got to know someone believing they looked one way, but realised they didn't, it wouldn't sit very comfortably with me. When you're doing OD you've only got a photo and what they write to go by. If they're going to lie about what they look like...

When I met my boyfriend it was clear his photos weren't the most up to date... but there was something about him. I can't say I felt like I really wanted to see him again, but I felt compelled to - more like I couldn't not see him again.

One of his photos was uptodate, but very flattering... the others were a few years old. But he explained that he doesn't like having his photo taken and liked those ones. I can get that. I struggled too because I don't like having my photo taken either.

dippinmytoe · 25/06/2014 08:25

I personally hate photos but do have an up to date pic on my pof profile ! Last week I was messaged by a guy with no pic , for some reason I responded, but I asked why no pic? He told me to check him out on fb , he looked completely normal ,so we continued chatting and had a date last night !! By end of date we arranged another for Fri night :-) He also said he was even more pleased after meeting me , I was funnier than he thought I would be and prettier too :-) He was really nice , lots of chatting and a kiss in the car park !! Fingers crossed !!

Pinklaydee1302 · 25/06/2014 09:04

Well that was good then Dippin Smile

I ignore men who message with no pic....could have missed out on the one Hmm

dippinmytoe · 25/06/2014 10:17

I normally do too pink , but his first message was good and when I could see his fb pics.. It was kinda ok...

dontcallmehon22 · 25/06/2014 11:46

I'd not like the deceit, louby. Do they think we won't notice?!

Glad things are going so well, folk.

I had to leave Tinder, as geeky was on there And I kept deleting it and then logging back in to check on him and it just wasn't healthy.

jesy · 25/06/2014 12:38

This will sound stupid but I am so nervous about my non date day out on sat x
I can see myself ending up sat on sea front on my own most of the day as mr it isn't going to want me hanging around him all day and I don't know any one else
Do I take a book to read on coach in case I'm sat alone will I look stupid
Wish I'd not sed yes now

neiljames77 · 25/06/2014 13:29

jesy - Just don't go. No good can come of it at all. You haven't signed a contract or anything. Plus, he doesn't sound as nice as you're making out. He's keeping you dangling because he knows you like him and that fact that he's trying to fix you up with someone else makes me think he's a bit of a twat.

jesy · 25/06/2014 13:31

Neil

He is nice he even paying for me
He didn't have to ask ,

dontcallmehon22 · 25/06/2014 13:34

I wouldn't go, Jesy, but I think you probably will. Just be careful.