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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
knittedknickers · 22/06/2014 08:49

Yes, I just can't help it. I have had other guys interested but once I'm interested in one person I don't really want to look for anyone else until it's a 'no' or 'yes' for that one - i mean in real-life as well. I am feeling a bit shit about the date already but feel want to go as there has been such a big build-up and he could be a really nice guy. I just want 'straight-forward' not 'complicated' please!

FolkGirl · 22/06/2014 08:54

I don't think there's anything wrong with still being on there and looking around. With OD, everyone keeps their options open until they meet someone they really like...

For me, seeing that he was still on there wouldn't be the issue. It's not easy, but you accept it. It would be more the case, in this instance, that he was making such a big deal of feeling the 'connection' etc beforehand. It would feel a little bit cold to me. Like he was pretending to feel something he quite clearly wouldn't do, send that email, and then open another email up to someone else... Just makes it feel like a game, that's all.

I was always talking to a few men at once. And went on 3 dates in one weekend. But I never pretended it was anything other than what it was. And when I did like someone, I didn't date anyone else for the duration. But I wouldn't have made odd declarations either. Some men do it because they think women buy it.

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 08:58

I am the same and after 4 dates with mr pof I had the I would like it if we only dated each other conversation. I hadn't been on another date with anyone else since seeing him and has started to send sorry but I'm chatting to someone else messages to anyone who got in touch.

It didn't sit 100% easy with me but I didn't want to have the exclusive conversation til I got more of a vibe from him as to be honest as soon as I met him I wanted to have that conversation!

You have to do what's right for u. I do hope you enjoy it more than you're thinking now x

FolkGirl · 22/06/2014 08:59

Actually, my boyfriend was the last one of the 3 dates in a weekend...

I didn't go on any more dates after I met him. I didn't want to.

He went on one more date that he'd already had arranged because he didn't want to cancel. But it finished early evening and he asked if he could meet me again that same night.

He's said he didn't meet anyone else. I've no reason to disbelieve him.

knittedknickers · 22/06/2014 09:19

Yes, totally agree - it's the fakeness that is so unappealling. I'm feeling like I'm going to have to refer to the fact that he's been on it loads this morning and last night. NOt in an accusing way but just as a way of saying that I'm aware that he's casting his net wide and that that's fine with me. But will he construe that as paranoid and possessive??

FolkGirl · 22/06/2014 09:42

If you want to say anything, I'd just ask if he's had/having much luck on there, has he been on many dates, is he chatting to many other women, that sort of thing.

I always did. I only ever introduced it as a casual conversation, and answered honestly myself. I think you can judge a lot by someone's reaction what they're all about.

Some people are completely honest and, even if it makes uncomfortable hearing, you can appreciate their candour. Other's will try and 'woo' you with promises and declarations... And out and out lie.

I wouldn't say about casting his net far and wide simply because, however much you don't intend it to, it will probably come across as a little strange. Wink But I know what you mean, of course.

neiljames77 · 22/06/2014 10:10

knittedknickers - I think it's only a problem if he's trawling the site after he's been on the date with you. It's the main thing I don't like about OLD.

jesy · 22/06/2014 10:18

Had a really good time . Yes we chatted and had a giggle esp over the fact I thought he was seeing someone else , he not .
But no more than mates , he tried to set me up with his mate but said no tar lol

knittedknickers · 22/06/2014 10:19

God, this is what I hate about dating. In normal life I'm a confident, assertive person but in the OLD world i'm a bloody jibbering wreck. I may just become a wee-soaked cat loving pensioner and give up. Thanks for advice, guys, sorry to be a needy fool!

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 12:06

Knitted I 'casually' said things like so what's the strangest message you've had on there then? And if I'd been asked I would have said I was chatting to others too. I just kept thinking in my head that that is what they are doing too so not to eat myself up (too much) about it.

knittedknickers · 22/06/2014 12:08

Yes, I know, Minime85 - are you still seeing that guy then? Sorry, I have got lost with the thread as it goes at such a speed.

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 12:22

Yeah but only 4 dates in but it's looking good so far Grin queue my panicking messages on here in a few days! I'm trying so hard to be more relaxed about it but know minute I don't get a good morning or a good night message I'll be coming up with all sorts of scenarios. What time are u going knitted? Do give us an update won't u Smile

avianaz · 22/06/2014 13:55

I think I have a "date" thursday night.

I get on with this one. :o Alien!

avianaz · 22/06/2014 13:56

I'm all tapping into the "first few dates" excitement from Minime :P

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 14:45

I'm 'cooking' for mr pof tomorrow! GrinGrin

avianaz · 22/06/2014 14:56

Ooooh what are you making??

Been told I'm a good "candidate" for movies and chilling by someone... I said Hold your horses I can't just go to a strange mans flat! They might find me in little pieces!

candidate like! Bike

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 20:05

Avian i still haven't decided! Need to get on with it so can order it in shopping.

FolkGirl · 22/06/2014 20:06

What are your options Minime. We can help you decide then... Wink

jesy · 22/06/2014 20:17

If you have time I'd go for a lasagne
But maybe a hunters chicken

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 20:20

Well I'm an ok cook. Nothing to shout home about but I manage. Smile

Options so far are a pie I do from a Nigel slater book which all my family rave about and request recipe for. But it's time consuming although could get it in oven before he gets here.

Or a do a nice chicken butternut squash and pesto lasagne. Also fiddly. And I did this for last bloke I saw and don't want it to become my 'date' signature bloody dish or anything Confused

Or halloumi, rocket, grilled tomato and sweet corn pancakes which is yum but all last minute and I wanna be chatting and 'things' when he arrives.

I don't eat rice or spicy food any other suggestions anyone? Please? Smile

jesy · 22/06/2014 20:23

Well no dating news but mr it texted saying so nice to see you x if u still need a lift back from hospital on Thursday ( I have an appointment regarding heart murmur) I'll pick u up x

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 22/06/2014 20:35

jesy, he sounds lovely. And I think the situation you described makes it ok that you went (my initial reaction was NOOOO!!!! until you explained). Let him give you the lift, but only if you promise that you will NOT give in to any advances in any way shape or form. Make him think you have moved on, no matter how hard that is. That will make him think of you as a woman of value. Which you are Smile.

knittedknickers · 22/06/2014 20:54

Glad for you, Jesy, I've been following your posts and happy you're feeling more upbeat.

Bloody hell, Minime85, I'm thinking maybe you're a little modest about your cooking skills, no?! Hope he considers himself lucky - your recipes sound gorgeous. I agree, though, you don't want to be having to concentrate on the oven and timings and getting all hot and red-faced. I would be wanting to do it in advance so you can be all hostessy and gorgeous with everything looking as if it is incredibly easy to throw together.

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 21:16

I'm glad jesy and agree lovely to see more upbeat posts from you x

Minime85 · 22/06/2014 21:17

Knitted it's only recipes not my own ideas I've not got a creative bone in my body!

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