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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
MeMyselfAnd1 · 10/06/2014 22:26

I believe in the sacred vagina but that is my business not yours. But I also agree that you both should have sex when you want to, and that is a good idea to get to know if you are compatible in bed before you get invested in the relationship.

Having said that, I have met a lot of people in dating sites who I felt I could fall for them and once we met, we/I/him knew it was not going to be, so you may be surprised at how your feelings about him could change when you meet him.

As for the sex on the first night... Well, the right thing in theory is for men to see us in an equal footing and not judge a woman on a has she had sex too soon basis, but in real life I have not seen that, in practice most of them would say they would rapidly lose interest in a woman that is not challenge. Outdated, mysogenistic, chauvinistic view? Yes, but unfortunately still pretty much in vogue. sorry.

MrsLiamNeeson · 10/06/2014 22:26

I met DH at a party. I thought he was the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen. I had sex with him that night. The next day, we were texting and he said he didn't want to do the girlfriend thing atm, I said no problem, me either - and had sex with him again that night too seriously, he's fucking gorgeous

If I'd thought at any point that I was getting too emotionally involved and he wasn't on the same page, I'd have walked. Actually, that was how we ended up getting to the relationship stage - I told him that I was developing feelings for him, and that I respected that he didn't want a relationship, so I wanted to end our current arrangement. He was planning to have the same conversation Grin

Anyway OP, my advice would be, if the spark's there and you both want it, go for it. If he judges you, judge him right back!

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:27

I can and that's fantastic if its what you want.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:31

I do believe however that's rare. I think, and this is just me personally, we have got a bit lost with what feminism means. Acting like a man is not what I want to do, as I said previously, there is a way forward that can celebrate our strengths. We do not have to act like men.

Backinthering · 10/06/2014 22:35

But Tinks who said that liking casual sex is acting like a man? I can assure you it isn't. I used to like it when single and I'm definitely a woman, judging by my well-shagged vagina.

NickiFury · 10/06/2014 22:37

Some of the neediest and desperate to be in a relationship people I have ever known have been men. Your argument doesn't stand up. You've decided for yourself What Men Do and What Women Do but this thread shows that doesn't stand up.

iK8 · 10/06/2014 22:39

NEWSFLASH: women like sex too!

NEWSFLASH: Some women like casual sex!

NEWSFLASH: Some men don't like casual sex!

NEWSFLASH: People are individuals and each different and unique

In other news: bears shit in woods and Pope is Catholic Shock

Sallystyle · 10/06/2014 22:40

I wouldn't. I fell in love with everyone I shagged.

Some did stop seeing me after (perhaps I am bad in bed Hmm) and it made me feel like shit.

But that is obviously just me. If you want sex with him, then go for it. Only you know if casual sex is something you are ok with. It isn't for me as my emotions get in the way but life is short, so if you want sex go for it and have fun!

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:42

If that's fine for you and your vagina then that's great. Im not sure sex should be casual to be honest, its a very intimate thing to do for most. Im not judging your vagina or you. Im just saying that something has been lost here in wanting to be like the boys.

Backinthering · 10/06/2014 22:43

I didn't have sex to be like a boy. I had sex because I wanted to.

iK8 · 10/06/2014 22:45

It. Is. Not. About. Wanting. To. Be. Like. Men.

It. Is. About. Wanting. To. Be. Respected. For. Expressing. A. Personal. Preference. That. Is. Not. Shameful.

Do try not to be so closed minded dear.

Maisie0 · 10/06/2014 22:56

Basically to sum it up, men and women need to know how their body click. It's their duty to figure that out in this life time. Simple. Some people can do emotions and it sends a fire to their body. Some don't do emotions, and are very physical individuals. Everybody is different. But you need to find a partner who is inline with how you are too. To me, this is important.

There is a difference between sex, and making love.... Sex is practical physical, and not very much emotional attachment. Making love is more on the emotional attachment, the bonding. People do have different personalities. Finding someone who is similar will my God... dare I say.. like natural selection, you have found the perfect match? Bingo !

When somebody say that they have low sex drive, it is because they have been with others who are too different to how they are, and they assume that it is something wrong with them than the fact that they have been with the wrong person.

EatShitDerek · 10/06/2014 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 00:04

when did I say someone had sex like a boy? I said we are different and most women emotionally invest sexually, whether it be the first time or not, men don't as a rule. I told the OP not to sleep with him if she wanted more than just sex for sex sake.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 00:13

I have MY opinion and will stand by that. I will ask people very valid questions if and when I want. I don't have an agenda.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 00:20

Oh and I am not rude and insulting to others either. As I said, in being very right on feminist the plot has been lost to such a degree that you insult women, really? Im glad I value myself. Im glad i don't sleep around and think its liberating. Its not.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/06/2014 00:23

How do you know it's not liberating?

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 00:26

ok then it must be. Why don't we teach our boys to respect themselves and not have sex until they feel an emotional connection? rather than women or girls having to think they have to do the opposite?

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/06/2014 00:41

When I lost my virginity, I chose not to have an emotional connection. I carefully chose who I wanted and after, I told him that I would not be seeing him again.

I teach my son to respect himself and the people around him. When the time comes for him to have sex, I want him to make informed, safe choices and have fun. Just as I did.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 00:46

why did you choose not to have an emotional connection then? Why did loosing your virginity have to be so clinical? Im not sure Im reading that it was fun?

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/06/2014 01:04

Oh it was fun. And not just that, it was better, safer, more comfortable, less angst ridden sex than any of my friends were having. I decided to do it because I was curious and I didn't want any of the "what will he think/say/do/does he want it/do I want it" drama that was going on around me.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 01:12

i take my hat off to you then in a certain way.

has it helped in the whole scheme of things? did you go on to have a fulfilling sexual relationship?

Maisie0 · 11/06/2014 01:20

I also take my hat to you Dione. I have never done that, and although I do not see the whole situation that same way as Tinks do. I do think that some people do end up sleeping with others because they have a gut instinct about them that they are the right ones and is not as confused. I totally believe in one's gut instinct, and we should not use a "mind over matter" kind of attitude towards relationship or intimacies.

ok then it must be. Why don't we teach our boys to respect themselves and not have sex until they feel an emotional connection? rather than women or girls having to think they have to do the opposite?

Well, we do now, and the guys think that they are gay ! That is very ironic. It depends on parents, and how I was raised, both male and female friends alike knew who they want and why. That is why I can acknowledge the metrosexual angle, and no, men do not have to be cavemen...

It's funny, I saw a friend today from my college days, and I saw how he treated his wife, and he was so attentive. Sometimes it is not even about being a caveman or not. I always thought that some men may not trust you enough to be openly vulnerable towards you. Not because they cannot actually tap into their own emotions, but the level of trust does not exist between you to begin with. That is also a learning curve too between being a boy, and being a man. (That is able to show the vulnerable side and to also trust the woman too.)

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/06/2014 01:22

Not with him.

I next had sex over a year later with a boy I was in love with and had been going out with for some time. He was a virgin and I can honestly say had I not lost my virginity the way I did, our sex life would have been mediocre. My first experience was lovely and I taught me to be assertive, confident and adventurous when it came to subsequent partners.

Tinks42 · 11/06/2014 01:23

I teach my son that its not "fun" for the girl no matter what she says, i may be wrong in this but I don't think so. I teach my son that sex is not a "light" thing to enter into. As a woman, i feel that im doing the right thing and I sincerely hope every woman on this planet does the same.... only then will we have emotional "equality"