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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
fuckinglondonballs · 10/06/2014 21:53

Tinks - I was quoting song lyrics - to agree with your 'it's biology innit!' point. Smile

LoveSardines · 10/06/2014 21:54

Lol @ taking to this point for someone (SGB) to point out that not only are some women more than happy to sleep with someone they've just met, but shocker it may be him who wants to meet again and her who thinks no thanks.

Mind boggling Grin

Maisie0 · 10/06/2014 21:54

I do love metrosexual men... Smile See? We are all different...
My ex was as well, and when he dressed a certain way, it makes my heart beat. He was also disillusioned too from OD.

And if you are playing the Make Him Wait game and the other person calls you on manipulative behaviour then it might serve you right.

THIS was said to me by another male friend, but I actually realised that I dislike his comment, when I discovered that I am a slow coach dancer too and like the build up. Which is important to me. It was not deliberately done than more of a case of "who are you, what do you like" kind of thing. In fact, I still keep in touch with my ex. Because we are now truly discovering one another very closely than when we were "dating".... We are quite close friends. He now realised that he does not want to do the "rule book" any more.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 10/06/2014 21:56

I used the "good woman" term because I have a lot of male friends and I have been told certain things by them, such as they like a challenge, a woman who plays hard to get etc.

SO what your male friends are saying is that they want to have sex with women who don't really want to have sex with them. And only eventually "give in" to sex.

THink about that for a second.

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 21:56

Tinks actually I would advocate the OP see what the chemistry is like with this man, in person, before deciding what to do.

Rather than an arbitrary "make him wait, even if he suggests sex - who cares if you actually want it? - and if he doesn't like it, then he wasn't worth it".

JaycesMummy · 10/06/2014 21:56

NickiFury This is just my way of thinking, for me to be writing things online (when others share the same views as me) would be a little odd, I don't know why you'd suggest/think such a thing. But you are entitled to say what you please...

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 21:56

Innit? what are you trying to say? "London balls" are they golden and Im trash? really.... who judges who here.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 21:59

well we have all had our opinions here and rightly so. I just cross my fingers that the OP will be ok if she does have sex tonight and he doesn't contact her again....

Maisie0 · 10/06/2014 22:00

Tink Is it tonight ? This is too much... we know too much ! Tsk....

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 22:02

Tinks Errr well then she'll know he was an asshole who was leading her on, and had no interest in her beyond sex (unlikely, IMHO, given they have been chatting so long).

And what's the difference between finding out he's an asshole now, or in 2, 5, 10 or 20 dates' time? I say it's better to find out sooner, actually. Less heartache.

Unless you're saying he's NOT an asshole for thinking that way...?

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:05

Laughs, damned if I know Maisie, just seemed very imminent and I am disgustingly menopausal so tend to go off on a tangent Grin

melissa83 · 10/06/2014 22:06

Either way she gets a shag out of it so lets hope its a decent one. If he dont contact her his loss plenty of other men out there. I dont see the point of only having sex for relationships

SolidGoldBrass · 10/06/2014 22:09

I've had over 100 sexual partners, and the sort of men that I like are the ones who find that appealing. A creepy misogynist with a madonna/whore complex wouldn't appeal to me at all.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:10

Im saying that ninety percent of the male population at this time do think like that and that's the way it is. Him being an arsehole, no not really... on the other hand, if she has invested her feelings then she needs to take the upperhand and protect herself at the moment.

kelper · 10/06/2014 22:12

I met my dh at a birthday party. went home with him that night…… been together 12 years this year. If you've been chatting with him that long, its not like you've just met.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 22:12

Nothing is lasting though solid? why is that do you think?

Backinthering · 10/06/2014 22:13

Tinks you stating that something is "the way it is" doesn't make it so.
I used to fuck around goodstyle in my younger years. My DH will only have sex with someone he loves and feels deeply connected to.
So neither of us exactly conform to gender stereotypes and we're hardly weirdos in my social circle.
Most importantly however, he doesn't judge or think less of me for having a different take on it to him, or a more chequered past.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/06/2014 22:15

tinks, if you know people who are not 'all right' after sex and not being called, I suggest you seek some counselling. I am not being funny there. You sound pretty ok with your sexuality, but if your mates are responding like this, and you're worried for them, then get them to see someone.

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 22:15

Tinks.... it's not the way it is. It's just not. Please don't project your world view onto other people's situations. What you're saying is as ludicrous as saying that eg men can't be as good caregivers for children as women.

Hopefully the OP has a lovely time on her date. And hopefully there is lots of lovely sparky chemistry. And that she has sex if she wants to, when she wants to.

Backinthering · 10/06/2014 22:16

Oh and judging women for speed of shagging/number of partners is outright misogyny and it's depressing as hell that some people still think that way.
Shagging quickly is indeed a great arsehole-filter.

iK8 · 10/06/2014 22:16

Ah have we moved onto this "women are from mars, men are from venue" crappola? Excellent.

I love a bit of bollocks on a thread me :)

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 22:19

Hmm Tinks. You are being quite disrespectful now.

Are you teaching your son to be respectful and value other people's feelings, preferences and points of view? If so, you're not practicing what you preach on this thread, based on your comments to Solid.

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 22:20

Grin iK8 but that's just the way things ARE, don't you know?

fuckinglondonballs · 10/06/2014 22:23

Eh? Oh whatever Tinks! I wasn't arguing with you at all.

NickiFury · 10/06/2014 22:23

Maybe "nothing is lasting" because she doesn't want it to. Can you comprehend that many women may actively make that choice NOT to be in a long term relationship but have lots of sex because it's a great way to pass the time?

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