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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
TheSameBoat · 13/06/2014 07:09

I am beginning to feel sorry for Tinks. I think she is saying what she is saying with a view to protecting them from what she sees as men's neanderthalic double standards.

And let's face it a lot of men are like that because old patriarchal nonsense dies hard. There is nothing more disappointing than discovering as you are growing up that, after you have done what the man has asked of you (had sex) he doesn't respect you anymore. It's fucked up and hypocritical because he, um, also had sex so what does that make him? It's also fucked up because you might have enjoyed the sex which makes you feel vaguely guilty. More patriarchal bullshit.

Thing is, Tinks, instead of buying into this patriarchal bullshit paradigm we should be challenging it. By teaching our sons that a woman who sleeps with you on the first date isn't worth less than one who doesn't. And that you shouldn't judge women by their sexuality. It's poisonous thinking that needs to be relegated to history.

What doesn't help is all this advertising encouraging men to see us as objects, prizes to be won, goals to score.

chrissy74 · 13/06/2014 07:49

No, never

JaycesMummy · 13/06/2014 07:55

Reading back through all these comments shows that anyone that has an opinion different from most of all the people on here, gets jumped on and verbally attacked. Grown women using the word "shagged and f**k" how tacky no wonder why you think it's perfectly fine to sleep with men on the first date and openly admit that you give oral. Oh so tacky with no shame what so ever.

cheerybear · 13/06/2014 08:06

Fuck is just a word, I'm offended by a lot of things, animal cruelty, poverty, child abuse etc but alas words are not up there on my list of things to offended by.

Please explain why people should be ashamed of words?

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:06

Absolutely no shame.

Should I be ashamed of having sex? I feel bad for you if you do.

Sexist bigoted opinion that say a woman is only as good as the shine on her vagina should be jumped on.

TBH I feel bad for you all as well as you are clearly in relationships with shit sexist men and you will either be treated like crap for it or left for a new more virginal model.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:07

Nah cheer, we should be shamed for being slappers.

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 08:15

Shame? What a bizarre idea.

squizita · 13/06/2014 08:15

Nope. Even though I didn't use them here, those words are good enough for Chaucer and Shakespeare so they're good enough for me (as are some which are considerably ruder).

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 08:17

"the shine on her vagina" :)

Pinklaydee1302 · 13/06/2014 08:19

My ex made me wait til fourth date! Was chomping at the bit....well I wished Grin

No stopping me after that! He loved the fact I was wild in bed as he'd been in a boring marriage since 20. He was almost virginal to me Grin

That wasn't the reason we split by the way!

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 08:36

I wonder if there is any record of any man ever being slut-shamed for First Dating Fornication? If not, why not? As has been said, they are also there, willingly participating. And they are the "givers". We ravaging women take all their cock and their swimmers.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:38

I don't suppose so Lois, even rapist get told it wasn't their fault, the girl was usually "asking for it".

It's so depressing.

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 08:40

Yes, men have needs don't they. Needs. Women, they are just vessels to be guarded.

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 08:42

I also wonder about gay men. Of the gay men I've known, quite a lot of them like sex with relative strangers or on a first date. Or instead of a date. Or on the way home from work.

No shame there, just mutual enjoyment.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 09:01

Women don't like sex lois. It's just not fun for us. WOmen only have sex because a man has stuck around long enough to be "owed" it, or to keep a man because we have low self esteem.

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 09:04

Ah, I must have a word with my tarnished vagina then.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 09:31

Probably just needs a good buffing ....

LoisPuddingLane · 13/06/2014 09:39

Oh I think you might be right. A good buffing always brings it up lovely.

iK8 · 13/06/2014 11:32

JaycesMummy I find your misogynistic comments much more offensive than the use of the words shag and fuck on an internet forum that embraces the use of such words.

My use of shag, or indeed, fuck, as terms for shagging and erm, fucking is not hurting anyone. Your horrible, outdated, deeply sexist views of "good women" are highly offensive and potentially dangerous if you teach them to anyone else.

If I teach my children to use the word shag or fuck (unlikely, but possible I might use in conversation when their older teens/adults) it won't hurt them or lead them to have issues about sex.

I do wonder how many people with funny ideas about women as vessels of purity have issues with sex and guilt?

Tinks42 · 13/06/2014 11:41

Please don't feel sorry for me there really is no need.

Funnyfoot · 13/06/2014 11:47

Reading back through all these comments shows that anyone that has an opinion different from most of all the people on here, gets jumped on and verbally attacked. Grown women using the word "shagged and fk" how tacky no wonder why you think it's perfectly fine to sleep with men on the first date and openly admit that you give oral. Oh so tacky with no shame what so ever.

I shagged (can't say slept because we didn't) with DH on our first date and we have been together for 13 years. He never thought it was shameful nor did I.
And what is so wrong with oral sex?
It is part of our healthy sex life and DH says it is one of my many talents and very enjoyable.

Why isn't it fine to shag on a first date JacyesMummy? (by the way I think your nn is more suited to the site with tickers & sparkles)?

LoonvanBoon · 13/06/2014 11:54

My grannie (born in the first decade of the twentieth century) once came out with the gem that "men don't want used goods".

My sister & I were only about 13 & 16 at the time (& both virgins, if that's relevant) but still saw it as outdated, sexist shite & treated it with derision.

The bizarre thing was that my grannie had her first 3 children before she was married & several of her siblings had had children out of wedlock. And my grandad still married her, so evidently she hadn't been too "tarnished" by her experiences.

Depressing to find similar attitudes expressed in 2014 - FUCKING depressing, actually (that was for you, Jaycesmummy).

squizita · 13/06/2014 11:58

openly admit that you give oral.

In my Roman Catholic pre-marriage lessons there was a video where a highly religious couple spoke frankly about natural family planning. They both said they use oral stimulation and petting on days when the calendar/POAS says "no" because they didn't use condoms or the pill for religious reasons.

If the CHURCH are showing videos where people (who have only slept with one person and abide by the no condoms rule) "openly admit" that, I think it's pretty staid as far as sexual habits go.

Actually quite Shock that grown adults find it shocking TBH. (NB. Not saying everyone has to like it, just that it isn't a very shocking thing to admit).

RiverTam · 13/06/2014 12:24

Reading back through all these comments shows that anyone that has an opinion different from most of all the people on here, gets jumped on and verbally attacked.

no, they haven't. Plenty of people have said that they wouldn't have sex on a first date, but they have also said it's up to the OP to decide what she wants to do with her body, and it's not for them to judge.

A couple of people on this thread, on the other hand, haven't.

ballinacup · 13/06/2014 12:44

There is nothing at all wrong with having sex on a first date, if both parties are up for it.

However, let's not forget that it is also perfectly acceptable to NOT have sex on a first date. I wanted to get to know DH before he saw me naked, purely because I don't particularly like how I look with no clothes on, so I needed to build up a bit of trust with him. And I maintain there was nothing wrong with that.