Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

I do genuinely believe that if the guy is decent then it doesn't matter, if he's the kind of guy who has very old fashioned views about women then he's not worth staying with anyway so you're better off knowing.

You sound like such a fulfilled happy person, as your site name clearly depicts.

Ironically I name changed for a thread I posted over in the feminism section. I was really fucking fed up about misogyny.

Any man who tells his daughter her value is in her "ha'penny" is a failure as a father and a generally crap human, not a lovely man.

For what it is worth I agree some men won't be interested in a woman after she has had sex with them. I just disagree that that kind of person is deserving of an adult relationship. I also disagree that a woman would be happy with a sexist twunt for a partner

Sigh. Why bother with the truth Tinks when there is misogyny to embrace eh?

Misogyny like a warm cozy sexist blanket.

If you are telling your son to disregard what women say when it comes to sex, then you are teaching him a dangerous lesson.

If you are teaching your son that if a woman wants to have sex on a first date, she is a slut, then you are teaching him to believe that women are either good/virgins or bad/whores. This is not helpful. It is also a major chunk of PUA 'philosophy' and is what dickheads like Elliot Rodger believe. Nice.

I have no doubt that girls have told you that they slept with someone on a first date in order to keep them, I also have no doubt others have told you different, but that you are so invested in your virgin/whore binary, you were unable to hear them.

So far, so misogynistic.

Haven't read the whole massive thread, but would like to chime I. With, of course, yes, sex on first date absolutely fine and fabulous. Providing, of course, that both datees are consenting adults who are happy with said sex. If they are, then why (the fuck) wouldn't you? Have had sex on first date with all my husbands, good and bad.

Im telling my 16 year old son not to take advantage of teenage girls.

Im saying the way it is out there.

Im saying that you gave the OP bad and dangerous advice. To sleep with a stranger.

Im saying that both men and women should wait to get to know each other before they jump in the sack.

Im saying that people should respect themselves more.

If you feel that sex is such a throw away commodity that is almost like a sport these days I think so much has been lost.

Im saying that this if you cant beat them join them mentality these days is wrong very wrong.

My respect isn't wrapped up with when I "give away" sex. It's quite sad yours is.

Please stop implying enjoying sex is not respecting yourself.

Your not listening to what people are saying. Rude.

Why is it wrong? I'm an atheist. I haven't got any bullshit hangups about sexual purity. So why shouldn't I enjoy myself while I can?

^^ that was to Tinks, patron of the patriarchy and keeper of the girdles

Ask your partners what they would say honestly say to their daughters? When dating, sexting and sleeping with a guy before you know them almost always leads to disappointment for the woman, and that's a fact.

And here's me that never even wears knickers uncomfortable damn things.

You are wrong. Read the thread.

And no, I won't be asking my husband what he thinks because I can think for myself thank you very much. I will also spare you the embarrassment of hearing that YOU ARE WRONG from a man!

I don't really care what anyone does but if I have to wipe another friends tears away after she slept with a first date and he didn't call her again I will scream.

No I am not wrong 9 times out of 10 it is a disaster and I would strongly advise anyone out there who is dating to wait and get to know the person better before sleeping with them.

On this I am totally right.

You are like a broken record, Tinks. Despite what people are saying here, you are still trotting out (or banging on about) respect and "the way it is" despite many people saying their experience is the opposite.

My self-respect isn't bound up with who I let into my body. Although in a sense it is because I decide who I let in and when. And it's not a throw away thing at all for me. I just find it very very hard to wait and if both of you don't want to wait, then why wait?

Tinks if you think the way you do then that is your choice, however you've not been elected the spokesman of all men. Sex is fun and enjoyable whether you're having it with somebody you're in a relationship with or not. That said sex is infinitely more enjoyable when you're in love, but you don't have to wait for love until you have a sexual relationship. If you did I would have been waiting until I was 35 to get laid haha!

I know exactly what he would say, because we've had discussions before about it (thanks to MN). Dh doesnt think a woman loses her value when he has sex with her. As far as I can remember I literally dragged him back to his hotel from the pub where met and nearly had his trousers off on the way there!

He still booked a flight 3 weeks later to come back and see me. See, nice guy. Not a wanker.

If your husband left you tomorrow tinks...then what? You've probably has sex hundreds, maybe thousands of times. The kind of men you are talking about probably see you as "used goods".

Maybe we should only have sex with people who value us for who we are not for we have fucked?

Oh and I have a daughter. She's in a relationship now but before that I never advised her to keep her hand on her ha'penny or to not let herself be taken advantage of. From a very young age I made sure she knew she owned her body, and her responses. She did not have to do anything with anyone, if she didn't want to. But I would never have advised her not to have sex. That is for her to decide.

Im saying that this if you cant beat them join them mentality these days is wrong very wrong.

Hey whats wrong with a bit of S & M DH loves it when I slap in with the pink arse paddle I got from A* Su**rs

Tinks I am sorry that you have a lot of friends who have sex with men in the vain hope that they will like them more instead of having sex because they are horny and want to.

I have no friends like yours as the women I know are all very comfortable with their sexuality and can differentiate between having sex because they want to and having sex because they want the bloke to like them.

There is nothing worse than someone who believes their opinion is fact! Of course it is not right for everyone to shag on their first date, but for some it is. As I said earlier in the thread we did have sex hours after meeting, and my husband respected me then and he still respects me now. We were two consenting adults doing what we wanted. How hard is that to grasp?

The guy I slept with on a first date is watching the footie with me now; 18 years later!!