Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

I teach my son that its not "fun" for the girl no matter what she says, i may be wrong in this but I don't think so.

You may be wrong.
You are not a mind reader.
You are telling your son NOT TO LISTEN TO A WOMAN'S PREFERENCES FOR HER OWN BODY. That's not OK. It may seem the opposite to sexual aggression (when 'yes' means 'yes' ) but can you see the issue here: one day he will be an grown man dating a grown woman and he will have been conditioned not to believe what she says about her urges: he and his mum know better!

This is a very unhealthy thing to teach a young man. That he knows better what is going on in a woman's brain and vagina because mummy told him.
There are huge implications when he gets older - huge. What if his future wife likes something he has been conditioned to think she won't? Will he tell her she doesn't? It sounds almost funny, but seriously.

I work with teens.

I manage and train those who work with teens. In what capacity do you work with them?
Your attitudes and actions aren't actually compatible with a lot of child protection advice (i.e. the focus is on safety not judgement, on listening and consent etc').

Young people need to be taught the power of 'yes' and 'no'.
Young men often need reminding that they do not 'know better' - and that actually includes conservative/religious young men too. I have dealt with some serious bullying in my day which has been viewed as "OK" because the girl drank/had sex ... so she could be treated badly and the nicer boys just stood and watched... stood and watched because deep down they had been conditioned to agree.
That is the RL danger of these attitudes from parents and those who work with teens.

BTW I in no way advocate promiscuity in any way with young people.
But young women are absolutely not arrogant in my experience. Often they are confused because they are expected to fulfil a mish-mash of roles and are almost constantly judged about their "self respect" - so some become angry.

OMG

I will read all of the messages. thank you to al so far.

The guy hasn't had sex for twelve years, me since 2008.

I'm going to let him shag me, yipeeee

ENJOY, both of you!

I think there might be fireworks!

Those of you who wait. How long?

How long before you aren't a slag?

Also if you wait months then realise that the guy is shit in bed or hung like a doormouse..then what?

ha ha ha ha ha ha

it will be over in seconds

Tink, for you .

Holy christ, you will need a bucket, not a cup

< slinks away >

Sole, remember I said no details please spare us from that !

TWELVE YEARS!!!!!! He must look like a one eared space hopper!!!

He said he wanted not to rush, feck that!

Never had a ONS and it not turn into them coming back either

i must be good in the sack

aww he is so cute too

he lives in Kent, i need a break from my caring role and i insisted on driving to him by the sea when DS is at respite, sea, sand and sex

I know you've probably said, but why no sex for 12 yrs?

AnyFucker pmsl..trust you

He works nights seven nights a week at his haulage company and sleeps all day. I believe him, he is shy, until I get my mucky paws on him

Awww i was so excited for you...but now...

No sex for 12 years!?

Has he been in prison?

Xpost

But still

And please disregard Anyfucker.... We must have details

Like, does it still work

Skimmy-over details is fine. Oversharing not fine. I don't expect a man that hasn't had sex for 12 years would appreciate his business being dissected on a public forum

Yeah, he said he#ll get the WD40 out lmao

His Wife was sleeping with his best friend who was also his business partner and since then hasn't been interested in relationships, he sleeps all day and works all night seven days a week.

Give it a whirl...whenever it happens, if i does as he is trying to book time off.

Dont go getting all excited. You may meet him and find out he has bad breath, BO, bad general hygiene.

The fact is - you dont know who and what you are on your way to meet.

Don't just spring it on him though, warn him first. (and the people who operate the Thames flood barrier)

/no, I have two others lined up too me not stupid

neil

neil pmsl

I would.

Good luck Sole! Just do what feels right at the time. You can't know till you actually meet him whether or not you will want to shag each other, but I hope you do and you have a great time together.