Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

I think you'd both know if it felt right to do it, whether it was date 1 or date 10. If things were getting pretty intense, it'd be plain daft to deny yourselves something just for the sake of some outdated moral code. You can't just leave it hanging in the air for the sake of what someone else might think.

I've never been worried what other people think. But more and more there's this feeling of "he's going to leave right after" and it can be soul-destroying. It's such a complicated thing because beforehand nothing in the world would stop you going into it headlong because it feels so damn good and you both want it and the hormones convince you it's all good and he's not going to be like the others. And then a lot depends of what happens after. I had one guy with shoes on ready to leave by the time I came out of the bathroom. This was not great.

Lois you sound extremely frustrated....I was just wondering do you have any plans for this evening ?

I need to stop doing it but the power of the minge is strong.

^

hahahahah that's a very kind offer. I think. Will you still love me tomorrow though?

erk

Don't worry, I'm not that frustrated. While I've still got a hand or two I'll be fine.

I bet you say that to all the girls. I'm really quite sane, actually.

Well...going by his self professed previous behaviour, he would fuck you and then fuck off

I hope you're not a Catholic! that kind of thing is really frowned upon.
Read the Bible, Lois. Salvation lies within those pages.

...and consign you to the "slag" heap that is formed only by women who have sex on the first date, conveniently forgetting that it takes two to tango

and he thinks he might be in with a chance there, Lois

Bollocks to that.

neiljames - isn't it just the spilling of seed that is frowned upon?

It's up to you but I personally wouldn't simply because if I was a man I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman that has given it to me on the "first date" it would make me think "is she the only one she is doing this with"

I would never, ever, in a month of Sundays want to be in a relationship with a man who thought like that!!
And why was this post not reversed (i.e. "I would not want to go out with a man who did that, I would never shake the doubt he was a player...") - why is the focus on our 'shame' and being suspected a slut?

Each to their own. I don't really like touching people I don't know well so wouldn't do it myself, but that's just me: nothing to do with morals or perception.

Oh that's just fucking charming isn't it? I get sent to hell but everyone else is okay?

Just don't spill your seed. Catch it in a handy cup.

I keep a beaker full of lukewarm water on the bedside table for just such an occasion.

:D :D

Oh, my grins don't work here.

Lukewarm? You big girl.

Solesource please hurry up and come back ! Playing gooseberry isn't my style...

OP sex on the first date is fine (though it's not usually for me just because I don't feel safe).

But for the love of god please if this guy doesn't work out don't spend 6 months talking to someone online before meeting them again. Honestly, you can have so much chemistry chatting online only for it to fizzle out in an instance when you meet. People massively misrepresent themselves. It will only end in tears. If you do OD, meet up asap if you can. Don't waste time building some emotional attachment which ends up being based on lies. Too many oddballs out there.

Why don't we teach our boys to respect themselves and not have sex until they feel an emotional connection? rather than women or girls having to think they have to do the opposite?

Because the link between 'respecting ourselves' and sex (or indeed many other behaviours bar perhaps direct self harm) is a fallacy.
Simply put: if you are not a mind reader, you don't know whether someone respects themselves and has high self esteem.

If you teach young people that people who behave differently to them have "low self respect" (and that is a ^judgemental statement" not a caring one, almost always) you are teaching them a fallacy. I work with young people and teaching them about what self respect actually is (that when someone uses it to you, they might simply be saying "I don't like how you act" and that in their lives they'll be pressurised to do opposite things for that same, fake reason) is very, very tough.

And scarily, the 'no self respect' thing comes often from boys who are having support for very misogynistic, sexually aggressive behaviour: to them it's a given. Girls have no 'self respect' so it's OK to discard them. NICE girls show 'self respect' (i.e. respect not to be judged) by toeing the line.

Sadly it's all over the media: especially crap like those Facebook photo+slogan things. We have been con
Do people who eat anything regardless of fat/cals have 'no self respect' or do people who work out a lot have 'no self respect' ... depends on if you're a foodie or a fitness fanatic.
Do women who wear a lot of make up have 'no self respect' or women who never wear make up of style their hair... depends on your point of view.
Indeed, quite 'hedonistic' behaviour AND quite 'conservative' behaviour can happen from great personal strength/resolution OR a lack of self esteem ("if I do xyz I'll have self respect").

It is the same with sex.

But using/encouraging this phrase's use with young people is dangerous.
No one is a mind reader.
No one can make that assumption.