Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

Like other posters on here, I have had one night stands and first date sex, because I wanted to and because sex IS fun. I once slept with a very selfish man but luckily because it was only the first date I didn't have to waste any more time or energy on him.

Some of these 1950s views are very worrying as if people still think in that judgemental way then obviously the DCs they are raising will think the same way. It would be lovely if the word 'slag' disappeared altogether but sadly that seems a long way off with what I have read on here!

OP go with how you feel at the time and enjoy your date - whatever happens

It's all pure and untarnished lois yes, but what do you do about the moths?

I am worried the moth ball smell might put off a potential suitor.

That's a good point Really. I find a good soak in vinegar gets rid of the moth ball smell and then a spritz with Charlie.

Perhaps men (or the man on this thread) do not realise that women's urges are just as strong as men's - as far as I can see. Even women of my age for who procreation is basically off the menu (I hope) want sex a lot. But, unlike men, we cannot operate freely as they do without censure, without the expectation that we will not be valued, and without insult. All because we have a vagina and not a penis. You put your penis where you like, when you like, I expect, and nobody would ever accuse you of giving it away too easily.

Ironically, women don't give anything away, but men do, in their spunk.

Six months of chatting on line is not a relationship of any kind.

Have you not seen the tv show CAT FISH?

I met some one off line after chatting for a while over email, thought he was great. Had a first date - seemed okay. Didn't really live up to my expectations but still thought he was ok-ish. Was up for a second untill I seen some facebook pic (he added me that night) when he was in some kind if fetish dungeon, red light and and doing some really suspect poses. So glad I didn't shag him.

I blocked him FB and didn't return email.

There shouldn't be a stigma at all. But all said and done you have to out your safety first. You really don't know a person just by talking on line OR on a first date.

I also know a friend who met a bloke of POF she went back to his flat for sex and he ended up knocking some of her teeth out and holding her hostage for a day.

Extreme, yes. But women should put their safety needs first before their sexual needs.

Buy a vibe.

Obviously safety is an issue. But people have been going home with people forever. My mum went home with my dad the first night they met in 1948. They were together 50 years. I'd like to say happily but they fucking hated each other for most of that time.

Hey this is just the way mind works but

Anyone I REALLY REALLY liked on a first date I would just try and make what i feel is a good impression...Walk them home, polite peck on the cheek, DO NOT invite myself in etc etc.

If on the other hand I was not that fussed it could well be lets get a taxi to yours pronto and get down to it....then skulk away the next morning saying "I am late for work" blah blah blah....

There's nothing wrong with that, normal. People have different amounts of sex drive and different tastes in relationships.

The issue is, your preferences don't really matter for anyone else except the women you're hoping to get to date in the future. You just need to find someone who's like you.

And if on that first date, the lady you really really liked hauled you in the front door and undid your belt with her teeth? Would you like her less?

He'd be perfectly entitled to like her less.

But, equally, there will be lots of women who, if a man took them on a date then walked them home with a peck on the cheek, would feel they'd rather be with someone who was more into sex. That's reasonable too.

I don't really get why this isn't just a matter of personal choice, rather than something to moralize about.

Brilliant post KentishGirl, pretty much exactly my thoughts on this thread.

@LoisPuddingLane
"Perhaps men (or the man on this thread)..."

Definitely just NormalBloke. The point at which I slept with someone never had any bearing on my opinion of the person I was with (me & my wife had been having sex for some time before our first date).

OP, do what you want (as many others have advised). Whatever you choose, hope you have a great time either way

No one should moralize at all as there is no right or wrong in this matter.

As long as everyone is safe and happy with the situation who gives a toss.

Do what feels right and don't get bullied into anything by some dickhead that's my final word on the matter

Go well xx

I had sex with XH on the first night that we got chatting although we had seen each other around for a while. He moved in 5 months later and we were together for 10 years until he cleared off.

With new bloke, I think it was after a couple of weeks. It was sooner than I intended, but it was what we both wanted. still seeing him 5 months later.

I recall my XBIL referring to me as a "drunken slag" because I put out on the first night for XH. I said, well surely that makes him one too then?!

Has sole been back to update us yet ? Are we just bickering amongst ourselves while we await her re emergence ?

She's probably happily "giving it away" somewhere...

She must have a lot to give

Honestly, I don't know what I would do either. I used to just feel a girl out on the first day - in fact it was policy never to kiss her and just to say goodnight. lol got some funny looks but then i think it was good for them to turn the tables.

But I'd hazard to say you have done alot of this online already. Be wary though, great personality doesn't always mean you will have chemistry- something you can only get in person. I remember being out with a girl on the second date and poor hygiene was really a huge turnoff!

I had to read that twice to understand..."I used to just feel a girl out on the first day"...

"feel a girl out" ?

But no kissing!

lol, okay feel a girl out = get a sense of the person, see what she's like. i've always been attracted to a quick wit and intelligence.

ah right...:)

I was going to say, at least kiss her first.

Hello, some time after my divorce, I decided I just needed some sex in my life but I didn't want a relationship.
I found it was relatively simple to find, blokes don't seem to have a lack of respect for you - it just seems accepted as a part of life nowadays.
Having been in a relationship of some sort since 1989 - when women who liked no strings sex were called 'slags' at the very least - it was really refreshing to realise that stigma doesn't seem to exist anymore.
Viva progress! :)

Fella

I'm at what Tink posted. How disturbing.

I had sex with my OH on the night we first got chatting. Our first proper date came the following week. We've now been together 16 years, and married for 11. Luckily he didn't judge me for 'giving it away' on the first date (just as I didn't judge him for it ). On the contrary, he was very keen to see me again. And again, and again and again...